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Pregnancy Pregnancy

I feel like my child is the only one...... :-(

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who is not excited about the new baby. My DS is 3 years and 8 months old and Im due with his little brother in February. Before I started to show, he was very excited about the baby. We have talked to him about it, read books to him about it, etc. etc. We tell him about all  the fun it will be and have literally tried everything. Ever since I was around 23 weeks, his attitude started to change about the baby. He just stopped respoding when we talked about little brother. Now, its gotten so bad that DS sometimes says, "I can hurt the baby mommy" and I feel like my heart will break. I tell him that we cannot hurt the baby or anyone at all! He wants nothing to do with my belly-Ive tried to get him to feel little brother move and he flat out refuses. I dont know what to do and feel like Im failing already at introducing the new baby into our world. What can I do? I have stopped talking about it with him because I figure, whats the use? Im scared and confused and feel like I will be nervous that DS1 WILL hurt the baby when he's here. :-( :-( :-( All my friends who are pregnant or have 2 or more kids say, "my LO was SOOO EXCITED for his/her sibling. I havent heard ONE person say they dealt with what Im dealing with. ANy advice?

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 6:53 AM
Replies (31-34):
tanper29
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:18 AM
Im sorry i dont know then. Ive never had to deal with this with any of my kids. Maybe speak to your doctor about it or his if he sees a pediatrian(sp). Good luck momma.

Quoting amc103:

But at this point, (and for the last month or so) I havent really been talking about the baby in front of him or with him. :-/ I saw that he wasent really into it anymore so I figured it was not good to push it. I mention baby probably once every two weeks. What happened yesterday was instigated my him. :-/

Quoting tanper29:

I agree with this. Maybe he feels like once the baby is here you will forget about him. Talking about the new baby too much can cause a feeling of resentment in small children. Just focus on your 3yr old.



Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.



I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.



If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!



HUGS


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butterflycircle
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:49 AM

My son is 2 1/2 and we are expecting #3 in March. The transition with our oldest when we had our son was easy they are almost 5 yrs apart so she was super excited to be a big sister. My son was pretty cool with everything and very excited until I was around 24ish weeks. A friend of ours brought his son over (a 4month old). Our 2yr old had never seen me or my hubby with a baby before.... he didn't like it at all. He told us to put the baby back in his car seat. He was not happy at all while that baby cried. After this when asked "Are we going to have a baby?!?!?!" he would say "No! Don't want baby." I was on facebook and there was a pic of a baby and he asked if it was a pic of himself and I said no and then I showed him some pics of when he was born e was fine until he saw a pic of me holding him after he was born, he cried. I feel so bad, almost guilty. I was concerned about the trasition when this baby comes b/c it is just my toddler and I here 5 days away alone (my daughter is 7now and has school). I told myself I was over thinking things and it will be easier than I think...... After this stuff though i don't think I was over thinking anything at all. 

It has been weeks since then and he does say yes when asked if we are having a baby now. He doens't want to feel the baby move (I have only asked if he does). I occasionally talk to him about how he is such a big boy (we are potty training) and he doens't wear baby diapers any more b/c he pees on the potty b/c he is  abig boy and the baby will wear yucky diapers. I talk to him about the things he can do like hold the baby or help me take care of the baby and pick out the clothes and help change diapers and he can read to the baby and tell her stories and stuff. He is ok with that as long as I don't talk to him about it often. 

It iwll be an adjustment I am sure. He also pretends to "shoot" the baby (he pretends everything is a gun adn tries to shoot everything and I tell him we don't pretend to shoot people, but he is 2).

To help him adjust I don't talk about the baby ALL of the time. I don't call the baby the "new baby". I ask him what he wants to name the baby. I also ask him if he wants a brother or a sister. I have established a regular nap and bed time and I plan that once the baby is here to try my very hardest to keep those 2 things as normal as possible for him, it is our time (I lay with him at both of these times). I plan on breastfeeding the baby and that might make things harder for him. I plan to have snacks where he can easily get them and books to. This way when baby is here and I am feeding her he can sit by us I cna read to him and or he can have a snack too (b/c as soon as I sit down to feed baby he will want something of course lol). I don't think if these things will help but only time will tell. 

butterflycircle
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

You could still give him a play date with others who are siblings. Do you have siblings? You could let him know that Aunt so and so or Uncle so and so is your sister/brother and you love them so much. Let him know when the baby comes you will still have your time together to read,play, cuddle... 

Did he only say the one thing the one time? Some times kids just say stuff. He is only 3. Make sure he knows that babies can get hurt super easy and it is important that we don't hurt the baby (or anyone else). If the baby gets hurt the baby will cry and cry and cry and get owies.booboos.I wouldn't read tooooo much into it. I would address it and then drop it and if he keeps saying things like that keep telling him how it is not good and why. Chances are once the baby comes he wouldn't hurt the baby. He is your world right now and he can tell that is changing. When I lay down with my son at nap time and bed time sometimes he likes me to tell him stories so every once in a while I will tell him a story about  alittle boy who gets a baby sister or brother (other times i tell him about a little boy who.... goes to the zoo, learns to use the potty, goes on an adventure....)

Quoting tanper29:

Im sorry i dont know then. Ive never had to deal with this with any of my kids. Maybe speak to your doctor about it or his if he sees a pediatrian(sp). Good luck momma.

Quoting amc103:

But at this point, (and for the last month or so) I havent really been talking about the baby in front of him or with him. :-/ I saw that he wasent really into it anymore so I figured it was not good to push it. I mention baby probably once every two weeks. What happened yesterday was instigated my him. :-/

Quoting tanper29:

I agree with this. Maybe he feels like once the baby is here you will forget about him. Talking about the new baby too much can cause a feeling of resentment in small children. Just focus on your 3yr old.



Quoting -Mommy-2-Three-:

Well I know sibling jealousy, especially when there is more then 3 yrs age difference, is normal BUT if he is threatening the baby or you then thats a whole nother issue that might not be directly caused by his siblings arrival.



I think maybe until the baby arrives you should focus on him, talking about him, asking him what he wants, what he is excited about, make him want to be excited about the baby, let him pick out an outfit for the baby, ask him what baby names he likes (dont have to use them of course)................maybe have a playdate with someone else with 2 children & show him "look at that little boy/girl, he/she LOVES playing with their baby sister/brother" & things like that.



If the anger & aggression issues have been displayed in anything NOT regarding the baby I would have it addressed before the baby arrives just to be safe, it could very well not be caused by the baby which would be nice to know before hand ya know!



HUGS



-Mommy-2-Three-
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:00 AM

My 2nd son was born Christmas Eve (20 days early) & Ds1 told EVERYONE he got a baby from Santa (he was 2y9m old) LOL! 

Quoting mama2gg:

Do you talk about the baby a lot with him or in front of him?

Does he know where baby will sleep?

Does he know his brothers name so its not just baby?

I think its all pretty normal

But if all you talk about is baby then he may be upset and jealous ...

My son is 5 and is so happy about dd he asked me to have her for his Christmas present lol

 

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