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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Advice for difficult decision, feeling emotionally abused

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As of right now I am 35 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I have been put on bed rest due to high blood pressure and am waiting around for the results of a 24 hour urine test to test protein for pre-clampsia. Meanwhile,

The boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant on the forth of july, we found out officially the day before I was 13 weeks after multiple negative tests. At first we were confused as to what to do. I am now only 20 years old and we are not exactly financially stable, especially now that i've been put on bedrest. Eventually we got excited, making a registry and picking out names and he carried every little thing for me. He treated me like a genuine princess. About a month or two ago he went under a complete turn around. I have to beg him for attention or to help me up..help me carry things..sit with me through contractions. He now will not listen to me, barely answers me when I talk and when he came home from work today he wouldn't even be in the same room as me. He has become completely cold and emotionally abusive..accuses me of cheating on him.He won' touch me even to hold my hand or touch my belly when the baby moves.. I have tried everything but get nothing in return. I have spent the last week on bedrest crying quite literally all day. Which to me seems worse for my blood pressure then when I was working or anything before. I can't eat, the crying makes me throw up..no one checks on me to see if I need anything knowing I am stuck in bed and should not be going up and down stairs.

My mother has been trying to get me to move back in with her since announcing I was pregnant. I can not be around her for a minute without being pressured about it. I have moved from my grandmother's to my boyfriend's to my mothers multiple times during this pregnancy and I have lost all sense of having somewhere I can actually call home..I dread raising a child in this kind of enviroment. 

My OB GYN has no interest or concern with me. When I did my 24 hour urine test I came to turn it in to the hospital the next day and they told me they didn't even have an order for it and it was useless to take. They made me feel as if it was my fault..I paged the doctor to call me back and she never did. TWICE. She doesn't stay in the room long enough for me to ask any questions..will not show up for appointments and not even call to tell me..leaves in the middle of appointments..I have to ASK her for the results of all my tests and BEG her for ultrasounds. I've only had two. She says I have hypertension and may need to be induced next week and I am terrified..

Tonight while stressing out I began to feel suicidal. I have no one to talk to who understands..no sense of comfort or home..no one to share any kind of excitement with..I decided to pack some things and come to stay with my mother..now sitting here I can't sleep and i'm still miserable..imagining the boyfriend out with his friends and not caring where I am. he won't answer any of my texts. I am at a loss for words as to how broken I feel and have no idea what to do. I fgured I would make an account and ask for some advice from other moms who may not be as biased as the people around me. Any response would be at the very least comforting.

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 4:34 AM
Replies (11-20):
veganistic
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 5:43 AM
If you are going to keep the baby, its sounds like you need your mom to help you get on your feet at first - especially emotionally. That is so awesome that you have her and that she is supportive. Bask in that and accept whatever help and support she offers. Your bf sounds like a mess and you and baby don't need that.

Quoting chelseagrinn:

It's not that I am unable to support myself normally, it's just with pregnancy. I feel as if after the baby is born I can go back to work (i've always worked 2 jobs at a time) and get myself stable enough to maybe get an apartment for us. My mother is so ecstatic about my pregnancy, I don't feel as if staying with her would be bad..just not like home..and a little imposing. My mother was a single mom..as was hers..and just about everyone else in my family..I really had hoped we could have worked through these issues and been a little family. I guess deep down I was prepared to do this alone, being so used to it around me. My expectations may have just been too high. He is so great with going to doctors appointments and taking care of me when he knows it's expected of him but at home he is downright nasty.

And on adoption, yes. When I first found out I was considering the option but after a week or two of conversation we were sure we wanted to keep the baby and raise it like neither of us had growing up. We both were raised by single mothers. At this point I am so in love with this little person i've never even got to hold yet I could never let it go. I would do anything for her. It's not her I regret. It's her father.

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your_angel
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 5:53 AM
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this :( I definitely understand the feelings of loneliness or not having anyone to share your excitement with. We are here for you and quite honestly get excited about most anything lol.
As for your douche of a boyfriend I know hes not answering but I'd either leave him a text or voicemailand let him know that you don't deserve how hes been treating you and that you really could use his support during this time. He can either get it together and help you and support you throughout the rest of this pregnancy or after and if he wont then he can kick rocks!
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cravespopcorn
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:25 AM

You deserve much better than the boyfriend you have.  If this is a problem in your relationship now, it will arise again.  There is nothing wrong with accepting help from those who are willing to give it, like your mother or support from this online community.  

I've been on bed rest going on 9 weeks...I lost my job due to it and my husband is the one getting up and going to work every day.  I feel guilty every single day.  I have had issues with depression on and off throughout the pregnancy, but even more so when I feel like I haven't been contributing.  I think if you have been a hard worker and been able to provide for yourself, getting put on bed rest is a big set back for you personally...I know it has been for me.  However, take advantage of people wanting to help.  I wish I had that kind of support system near me.  The nearest family and friends I have are over an hour and a half away.  I would love to have a mom who wanted to help like yours.  Mine will be here for the birth, but after, she has to go back to work.  My husband is almost in the same boat.  He doesn't get paternity leave even though he has been at his job for almost 5 years.  He will be taking some vacation days but once he goes back, it will be just me and the baby.  

I wish you luck in whatever decisions you make and hope everything works out the way you want in the end. 

TracyBands
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 7:02 AM
You are so very mature for a 20yr Old young lady, wow!

If I were in your situation at your age I'd have been clueless - so well done on that...

And, Well Done on making it this far and for keeping it together because YOU know that you have a little miracle to keep safe, YOU have been strong and YOU will make it through - Maybe your BF should be your ex BF because as far as I'm concerned that is NO way to treat a lady, nevermind the Mother of his child!!! Its horrible! :(
And I'm so sorry that you have to go through that because You desever better!
And just because you can't be a little family with him, doesn't mean that you'll never have a little family - there is someone out there who will change that... :) big big hugs!
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Turtledoves
by Platinum Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:33 AM
Sounds like your mom is really worried about you. Do the responsible thing for you and baby and move in with your mom, let your boyfriend decide if he wants to still be apart of you and your child's life, and immediately find a new OB.
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chelseagrinn
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 5:50 PM

Sorry I never got back to anyone. Early in the am after posting this I went back into labor and delivary for some more dizzyness and contractions. They put me on the moniters, did an internal. [And I did bug them until they told me the results on my 24 hour urine. wasn't waiting on my doctor to tell me.] So the verdict is most likely no induction. But blood pressure it still high, contractions are getting stronger and close together, almost fully efaced and dialated at least another cm..and she is lodged 'in position' haha. they said they wouldn't be surprised if I went into labor in the next few days. NORMAL PROTEIN! :] So I guess we'll have to see when baby decides to cause a ruckus. They told me at almost 36 weeks if I went into labor they wouldn't think twice about just delivering. fingers crossed!

firsttimemom755
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:28 PM

I know how you feel on a lot of that. My boyfriend and i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant last wednesday. He was not happy at all, very quiet. I thought seeing the baby on the ultrasound would make him more excited, however he sat in there quietly and acted like he didnt care. He doesnt like talking about the future (probably because he is stressed about our finaicial situation). But this is coming from a guy who wouldnt let me touch a door, pulled out chairs for me, brought me flowers, etc. I am only 20 and he is 21 but I feel we could do this better if i had his support. If you need anything you can message me. Once you see the baby im sure things will be much better. 

Glowing24
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:43 PM

  In my experience having a baby will either make or break you when youre in a relationship especially being young. I was 20 when I had my son and afterwards his father didnt really help out. Even in the hospital after I had a csection and couldnt get up to feed him I had to beg him to wake up and get the baby for me..he wouldnt get up! We ended up splitting shortly after my son turned 1. (after 6 years of being together) The way I looked at it was I truley did not feel like it was going to work out. He wouldnt change even after we had a child. And he was extremely controling..So i ended things while my son was little because I didnt want him to remember the fights and now he is 3 1/2 and doesnt remember us ever being together. Now he sees his mommy in a good, stable relationship. It sucks when things arent working, but sometimes if you feel it in your heart that things arent going to work its best to let it go. Especially if you feel as if its emotional abuse because it is ABUSE. Eventually it will catch up with you....this is my opinion from what I went through. I hope things turn around for you and he gets his head outa his butt and takes care of you!!!!!!!!

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chelseagrinn
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:38 AM
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Quoting firsttimemom755:

I know how you feel on a lot of that. My boyfriend and i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant last wednesday. He was not happy at all, very quiet. I thought seeing the baby on the ultrasound would make him more excited, however he sat in there quietly and acted like he didnt care. He doesnt like talking about the future (probably because he is stressed about our finaicial situation). But this is coming from a guy who wouldnt let me touch a door, pulled out chairs for me, brought me flowers, etc. I am only 20 and he is 21 but I feel we could do this better if i had his support. If you need anything you can message me. Once you see the baby im sure things will be much better. 

 Early on I wouldn't have made it having no help through the nausea and morning sickness I can only imagine feeling the way I do now so early on. I hope for you that he is just getting himself adjusted to the idea and will catch on to the baby fever. :[ Being unsupportive that early can't be good for you and baby. Feel free to message me too! I'm not the best with advice but do know how you're feeling.

chelseagrinn
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:41 AM

I feel so much better with all the encouragement i've gotten from everyone here. I'm starting to look on a brighter side and though I haven't heard from boyfriend after telling him I was in L&D this morning, i'm trying to suck it up and focus more on the tiny little bunny slippers waiting in my hospital bag :] Thanks everyone!

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