Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for difficult decision, feeling emotionally abused

Posted by   + Show Post

As of right now I am 35 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I have been put on bed rest due to high blood pressure and am waiting around for the results of a 24 hour urine test to test protein for pre-clampsia. Meanwhile,

The boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant on the forth of july, we found out officially the day before I was 13 weeks after multiple negative tests. At first we were confused as to what to do. I am now only 20 years old and we are not exactly financially stable, especially now that i've been put on bedrest. Eventually we got excited, making a registry and picking out names and he carried every little thing for me. He treated me like a genuine princess. About a month or two ago he went under a complete turn around. I have to beg him for attention or to help me me carry things..sit with me through contractions. He now will not listen to me, barely answers me when I talk and when he came home from work today he wouldn't even be in the same room as me. He has become completely cold and emotionally abusive..accuses me of cheating on him.He won' touch me even to hold my hand or touch my belly when the baby moves.. I have tried everything but get nothing in return. I have spent the last week on bedrest crying quite literally all day. Which to me seems worse for my blood pressure then when I was working or anything before. I can't eat, the crying makes me throw one checks on me to see if I need anything knowing I am stuck in bed and should not be going up and down stairs.

My mother has been trying to get me to move back in with her since announcing I was pregnant. I can not be around her for a minute without being pressured about it. I have moved from my grandmother's to my boyfriend's to my mothers multiple times during this pregnancy and I have lost all sense of having somewhere I can actually call home..I dread raising a child in this kind of enviroment. 

My OB GYN has no interest or concern with me. When I did my 24 hour urine test I came to turn it in to the hospital the next day and they told me they didn't even have an order for it and it was useless to take. They made me feel as if it was my fault..I paged the doctor to call me back and she never did. TWICE. She doesn't stay in the room long enough for me to ask any questions..will not show up for appointments and not even call to tell me..leaves in the middle of appointments..I have to ASK her for the results of all my tests and BEG her for ultrasounds. I've only had two. She says I have hypertension and may need to be induced next week and I am terrified..

Tonight while stressing out I began to feel suicidal. I have no one to talk to who sense of comfort or one to share any kind of excitement with..I decided to pack some things and come to stay with my sitting here I can't sleep and i'm still miserable..imagining the boyfriend out with his friends and not caring where I am. he won't answer any of my texts. I am at a loss for words as to how broken I feel and have no idea what to do. I fgured I would make an account and ask for some advice from other moms who may not be as biased as the people around me. Any response would be at the very least comforting.

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 4:34 AM
Replies (21-28):
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:52 AM
Totally agree with veganistic.

It sounds like your mom's will be a much better place for you and baby :)

Quoting veganistic:

If you are going to keep the baby, its sounds like you need your mom to help you get on your feet at first - especially emotionally. That is so awesome that you have her and that she is supportive. Bask in that and accept whatever help and support she offers. Your bf sounds like a mess and you and baby don't need that.

Quoting chelseagrinn:

It's not that I am unable to support myself normally, it's just with pregnancy. I feel as if after the baby is born I can go back to work (i've always worked 2 jobs at a time) and get myself stable enough to maybe get an apartment for us. My mother is so ecstatic about my pregnancy, I don't feel as if staying with her would be bad..just not like home..and a little imposing. My mother was a single was hers..and just about everyone else in my family..I really had hoped we could have worked through these issues and been a little family. I guess deep down I was prepared to do this alone, being so used to it around me. My expectations may have just been too high. He is so great with going to doctors appointments and taking care of me when he knows it's expected of him but at home he is downright nasty.

And on adoption, yes. When I first found out I was considering the option but after a week or two of conversation we were sure we wanted to keep the baby and raise it like neither of us had growing up. We both were raised by single mothers. At this point I am so in love with this little person i've never even got to hold yet I could never let it go. I would do anything for her. It's not her I regret. It's her father.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way hon :(

In my opinion if your boyfriend is going to act like this it might be best to move in with your mom for a bit....make your home there and bring the baby home with grandma's help :)
take the help she will offer while you get on your feet and then when you're stable maybe you and your little one can get a place of your own.

You cannot imagine the love you will feel once your little one is is so beyond anything. I can't even explain it. You will rise above and your world will suddenly become this little person...and you'll want to do anything and everything for him/her. It is AMAZING how strong of a woman you can become when you have a little one depending on you.
Stay strong sweety....EVERY hardship that you are struggling with now is worth it I PROMISE. And in a few months or years you will look back and realize how all of this made you a stronger and better person.

by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:16 AM
Why don't you report your doctor??? At 35 weeks its to early to be induced and you can have all types of complications.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:37 AM

She's making me wait until wednesday to make a decisionon induction when i'll be 36w1d i'm not sure how to go about reporting her. alot of the nurses at the hospital seem fully aware of the way she works. 

by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:52 AM
I feel ur pain I'm in a similar situation but in 34. Dont make plans on someone that may or may not be there. Focus on you and ur child only for a while. Let ur bf prove he deserves to be around you and ur child
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:18 PM

Well, it's new years eve and everyone's out drinking and having fun..I assume my boyfriend included..because i've been sitting on the couch at my mother's house alone having some sparatic contractions..and he can't even pick up his phone. I'm not sure what to do..I do know that I don't feel as if i'm in enough pain to go back to the hospital..I'd like to wait until I absolutely have to because I have already been there's like clockwork. I'm really trying to wait it out until my next doctors appt. on wednesday when my doctor lets me know on what day she wants to have me induced..I have a feeling i'll be going alone to this appointment if I make it to it. I've been texting him off the wall about tonight's contractions and got nothing back so if I was in labor I guess he'd be missing it..I'm getting really bummed out..

by Mandy on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:38 PM

I am really sorry you are going through all this and feeling so alone. Hugs! If you were earlier in your pregnancy I would tell you to switch doctors immediately. I think you should still look into it now. But I understand how much harder it would be and how stressful. I think that it sounds best for you not to be with your boyfriend. Does your Mom give you the care you need when you live with her or just beg you to move in and ignore you once you are there? 

You might consider calling the suicide hotline in your area. You can talk to someone who may be able to help you feel heard and give you the hope you need to keep going.

I'm praying for you. Hang in there. You will get through, and once your baby is here it will be easier to find your way in life and make the changes for yourself that you need to make a home for the 2 of you.

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:19 PM

My doctor has set me up to be induced TONIGHT at 7:30 pm. Haven't heard from the boyfriend since 2 nights ago so I guess we'll see how that goes. I am exactly 36 weeks today so i'm pretty freaked out and anxious..hope everything turns out okay..

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)