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36 weeks and feel unwanted

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:20 AM
  • 11 Replies
I'm 36 weeks along in my pregnancy and through it all I've felt so unwanted (sexually) from my partner. It's my first pregnancy and that was always my biggest fear as I'm sure it is for many woman. There's no passion, romance, or urge it seems from him. It's kinda funny but it's like he waits till I fall asleep to masturbate, that makes me feel so unwanted. Through out the pregnancy I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he's stressed over work and tired but now 8 months have gone by and there's no way that's the issue. It's the little things as well that have been absent during these last 8 months like rubbing my back or feet, or asking do you need help with that would you like me to cook for once or clean. No consideration at all for how I feel or how much my back hurts. We had such a great relationship and sex life prior to the pregnancy and now I feel like I've lost my own identity. He works all day an I'm home slaving away. Would like some thoughts and options from others.
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:20 AM
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by Amber on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:27 AM

Have you sat down and talked to him about it?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:36 AM
I feel the same way, except mine gets off in the shower when he first wakes up in the morning - dashing any hope that he might possibly feel any desire for sex that evening. The only times we've had sex throughout this pregnancy was when I started it. The last time I tried to show some sort of desire towards him, he made it seem like it was a chore for him!

I'm starting to wonder if this will be our only child... Can't have another without sex...
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:54 AM

I wonder if he is disconnected from this pregnancy, from you, not understanding his role ?

Does he come to prenatal appts with you, classes, read books, prepare too?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:55 AM
You need to talk to him, and let him know what you just told us. Good luck Momma.
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:07 AM
Yes we've talked about it many times and we talked tonight. Today I told him how I felt once again and tonight he basically came on to me in a unpleasant manner humping my leg and when I told him I felt awkward like it he was being forced to do it after our talk. He stopped drank NyQuil and put a movie on. I fell asleep for an hour woke up to him throwing his phone down like he was hiding something. I got up and went on the couch for a hour then I get back into bed and he's like where the hell were you just being very rude. I laid there for 40 min just wanting to feel his touch so i put my hand on his shoulder and he shrugged me off huffed and puffed. Now I'm on the couch sleeping here for the night can't stop crying and wondering why. Feel so alone in this pregnancy and relationship, to boot I'm in California with him and all my family is in Connecticut. I'm alone with no support or company out here. Such a horrible experience.
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:09 AM
Yes I do have to say he's been great with that, has not missed one doctors visit and has been very involved preparing for her.
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:58 AM

Oh, honey!  How awful!!! 

If he's been that involved in the appointments, it souns like he's invested in being a father.  Have any of the doctors or nurses assured him that sex won't harm the baby? Some guys get really freaked out about that.

The other thing that occurs to me is that he might have really conflicted emotions about the baby. Maybe part of him really wants to be a dad, but part of him is really scared and he doesn't know how to talk about it. If he's ashamed of his feelings and afraid to talk about it it could be creating emotional distance between you. Has he ever talked about what it was like for him growing up, or how he feels about being a dad?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:10 AM
I feel your pain! I am 35 weeks and have not had sex since the first trimester! DH is not comfortable with having sex with "the baby in the room". I don't get it but it makes him very uncomfortable. I hate it and there are many many times I feel the way you do and talking to him makes him feel the need to make jokes about it- but I think he just doesn't know what to do. Does he touch your belly and talk to baby? My DH does sometimes but once again- the belly makes him feel awkward. Men are just very strange!!!!
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:25 AM
Ya he touches my belly talks to her a lot and is very involved. Just the sex and compassion is lacking extremely and has taken a toll on me. We have a very open and honest relationship, we do talk about everything and are very comfortable telling each other how we feel. Today he left for worked kissed me on the couch and said today is a new day. I'm still hurting inside, just totally feel neglected physically and emotionally. What scares me the most is postpartum depression from all this, he doesn't realize how much of an affect and impact he has on that.
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:56 AM
I'm sorry. I hope he means what he says about today being a new day.
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