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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Nursing and Childhood sexual abuse...

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:02 PM
  • 8 Replies

I am posting this because I need some support and advice ..

I am 18+ weeks pregnant and I'm worried about breastfeeding. As a child I was severely sexually abused by my father until the age of 14. 

When I had my daughter 3 years ago, the hospital immediately forced me to try breastfeeding. It was extremely traumatic for me. I was immediately triggered and felt sick, uneasy and like I wanted to give the baby to someone and jump out a window. I am NOT able to disassociate my childhood abuse from healthy things such as breastfeeding. I am already prone to PP depression and I do not want to add constant triggering on top of that. 

With this second baby, I would like to express milk and give it to the baby that way. I think that I will be able to handle pumping without a significant issue, however I am not sure. 

I know this is a very personal question, so I understand if I don't get any answers...but has anyone else experienced this? If so, how did you deal with it ? 

I would also love any advice, tips, tricks, etc on expressing/storing breast milk. 


Thanks in advance. 


by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:02 PM
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Replies (1-8):
louzannalady
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:08 PM

I have not experienced this. I am sorry for what happened to you and I am so sorry this triggers it. I know, that if you post this in the Breastfeeding Group does have some Mommas who were exclusive pumpers and can give you great advice and support. Congrats on your pregnancy and upcoming birth! : ) Very best wishes! : )   

kierasmommy
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:08 PM
I have similar experience. It wasn't as hard for me to breast feed but I couldn't stand nurses or lactation consultants touching me and trying to help. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to make a healthy choice for YOU. No one else knows your story or how you feel so you need to cut yourself some slack. If pumping is what you feel most comfortable with, then people should support that decision. And tell the staff at the hospital under no uncertain terms that it is YOUR body and you will make the decisions about nursing!
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Maleka87
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Thank you both, I appreciate you responses greatly. 

I think with my daughter, I just didn't know what to expect going into the hospital. Looking back on the experience there is a LOT that I could have done differently to assert myself more completely. I felt really overwhelmed and...in a way diminished. I fel like I had NO right to question the nurses or dr's and I now realize that those feelings were incorrect. 

I WILL assert myself this time, no matter how witchy I sound. I am going to try the pumping for a bit and see how it goes, it can't go worse than actual nursing...

Ciaodarlings
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:21 PM
I don't really have advice for that kind of situation but I'm so sorry for what you went through. Hopefully pumping won't trigger any past memories for you. Congrats on the baby and best wishes!
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mommyof2kids306
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:21 PM
Prayers for you and so sorry you had to go through that. I pray that God gives you closer on this situation I was sexually abused as a child and I haven't gone through this situation. But I have prayed and my husband has helped me deal with my issue and God has allowed me to forgive the men who did this to me. So I pray that you can forgive your father.


Quoting Maleka87:

I am posting this because I need some support and advice ..

I am 18+ weeks pregnant and I'm worried about breastfeeding. As a child I was severely sexually abused by my father until the age of 14. 

When I had my daughter 3 years ago, the hospital immediately forced me to try breastfeeding. It was extremely traumatic for me. I was immediately triggered and felt sick, uneasy and like I wanted to give the baby to someone and jump out a window. I am NOT able to disassociate my childhood abuse from healthy things such as breastfeeding. I am already prone to PP depression and I do not want to add constant triggering on top of that. 

With this second baby, I would like to express milk and give it to the baby that way. I think that I will be able to handle pumping without a significant issue, however I am not sure. 

I know this is a very personal question, so I understand if I don't get any answers...but has anyone else experienced this? If so, how did you deal with it ? 

I would also love any advice, tips, tricks, etc on expressing/storing breast milk. 


Thanks in advance. 



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jesuschild06
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:24 PM

i also recommend posting this in the breastfeeding group for the same reason. they are very understanding and respectful. 

im sorry for what happened and that you are unable to breastfeed due to it (i am asuming you would like too). i know it doesnt help everyone but have you spokenwith a therapist that specializes in rape/molestation? it helped me a lot. even if it just helps for you to be able to exclusively pump if you end up finding that is difficult to constantly do. 

breast compressions and nipple stimulation helps when done right before or during pumping, from what i have read. you may also have to play around with different pumps. one may work for one mom, but not for another. sometimes just hand expressing will do the trick. just gotta play around and find what works to get the milk out. Good luck :)


Quoting louzannalady:

I have not experienced this. I am sorry for what happened to you and I am so sorry this triggers it. I know, that if you post this in the Breastfeeding Group does have some Mommas who were exclusive pumpers and can give you great advice and support. Congrats on your pregnancy and upcoming birth! : ) Very best wishes! : )   



Maleka87
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:25 PM

Thank you all for your support. This is a wonderful forum! 

I'm going to try my very best! :) 

Maleka87
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 4:27 PM

I would love to breastfeed. The benefits are almost unending. My daughter was forumula fed, and she is entirely healthy, but that doesn't mean it's what I wanted to do...you know?  

I did find the Breastfeeding forum and I stuck my post up there too! I am VERY new to this site, so I'm still getting a feel for how the forums work, and what ones there are :) 

Thank you for the advice :) It's much appreciated. 

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