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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Do you feel judged about this pregnancy?

Posted by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 8:57 AM
  • 78 Replies
Why?
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by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 8:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
hplesha
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:00 AM
I did with my first one. I was 18 then. My family judged me until i had him. Probably because they didn't think i was ready. He was an accident, but it worked out for the best. My second one, my mom was unsure at first, but we told her and everyone else to be happy because we planned him. Definitely a better experience.
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mem82
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:05 AM
I understand. My first was unplanned.

Quoting hplesha:

I did with my first one. I was 18 then. My family judged me until i had him. Probably because they didn't think i was ready. He was an accident, but it worked out for the best. My second one, my mom was unsure at first, but we told her and everyone else to be happy because we planned him. Definitely a better experience.
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baby2013143
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:07 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel judged all the time. I'm in a very difficult situation. My fiance got deported in october and he wont be coming back for a long tome. I have a wonderful life here. A great job, wonderful supportive family, a mastets degree. I have decided to move to brazil with him after I have the baby. Many people judge my decision. All in all they want the best for me but many think I should stay here. Its very hard.
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pixiedust11
by Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:19 AM
I honestly didn't until this week. I have my bachelors I'm engaged we have our own place. I have a job. I thought I did it right. but because I'm 22 people still think I "rushed" ... well I guess I'm sorry I worked long and hard and got everything done on time n I'm still young. I got offered a graduate assistant position for my masters meaning they will be paying me to attend school come August ( my baby will n almost 4 months by then) n they called a meeting with me last week to " clarify" that I still wanted the position. I never made any suggestion or comment or indication that I wasn't. i asked her why she was asking me that. she said that I'm the best at what I do that she's not doubting my abilities but that her FRIeND got really depressed after going back to work after having her baby. ... I appreciate her caring for my sanity but it was the first time In 28 weeks that I finally realized that I will never be looked at the same way again. I have a hunger to prove them wrong. I wrote them an email and stated that I will b there in September and if my performance is anything less than astonish that they can fire me.
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IansMommy2012
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:20 AM
Yea our first was unplanned. Granted our next might not be 'planned' but it might be more welcomed

Quoting hplesha:

I did with my first one. I was 18 then. My family judged me until i had him. Probably because they didn't think i was ready. He was an accident, but it worked out for the best. My second one, my mom was unsure at first, but we told her and everyone else to be happy because we planned him. Definitely a better experience.
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NyiaBaby216
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Yes. Because I'll be 22 when baby comes & this is number 3. DD will be 4 next week & DS turned 3 in Dec
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Victoriaoh
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:23 AM
I was judged by a lot of family members, especially my parents. My SO and I have been together for 7 years with plans to get married. I was 32 when I got pregnant. My parents are very old school and conservative. You don't have kids until after marriage. I waited until I was 27 weeks to tell them. Now that baby is here it's gotten a little better. They still make comments sometimes. And ask when we are getting married everytime I talk to them.
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ame501
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this

I have received a little judgement as well. I was dating the baby's father for only 6 months when we found out we were pregnant, my parent's hadn't even met him yet. They were married at the age of 19 because that is when they got pregnant with me, and thankfully, they are still together. So, they thought I should do the same thing. I told them no. I stood my ground. In fact, the pregnancy tore baby daddy and I apart instead of bringing us together, so we aren't even dating anymore. I have my place, he has his. He does pay for half of everything and we are planning to do a every other weekend schedule once Jackson is old enough. I am 28, have had the same job for 8 years, have my own place, car, etc....so I don't think I deserve the judgement, but people will talk!!! I guess I'd rather co parent than force something that just isn't there right now. Once Jackson is here, things may chance, you never know, but this works for now :)

JadeTigr7
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:39 AM

My husband and I were judged on our first.  We knew we'd probably get pregnant with our son when we chose to have sex (we weren't even really dating, but had been together pretty much since I was 15 anyways and I was 21 then).  His parents especially didn't think we'd be able to handle being parents.  We were judged again when we got pregnant soon after we'd had our first, he was only 7 months old.

Then we were looked down on for having a 3rd baby, because we already had a boy and a girl, why would we want more.  Our 4th wasn't as bad, she was pretty much expected.  We had disaprovement when we announced our 5th, again, mostly from my husband's side of the family, but she is very much wanted by us, and my side.  My husband's family has become more accepting since we announced it though, because really, what can they do?  We want a large family, and we're going to do it even if they don't like it.  We don't ask them to raise our kids, or for money, we take care of our own kids. :) 

Mrsfarr
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:42 AM
3 moms liked this
Very much so sometimes.

I've chosen to go the "alternative" route. Unmediated birth, making informed decisions instead of just nodding and doing as the doctor suggests, reusable diapers, breast feeding.
You know, all those WEIRD things that only nut jobs do...
Last week, my doctor reccomended induction because I've been 4cm dilated for the past month. Everyone is upset at me because I refused it. They keep telling me I need to be induced because the baby is stressed. I keep asking them why my doctor called them and told them that instead of telling me while I was at the appointment. Then it's a new argument because they were "just trying to help and you don't have to be rude."
Two months ago, I was criticized for allowing the hospital to stop premature labor. I'm sorry, I know that my baby is the first grand daughter in the family but I'd like her to be healthy and not spend her first few months of life in the nicu, away from me and her daddy.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, everyone got mad at me for working out. I'm pregnant. Not disabled. Walking on a treadmill won't hurt me or my baby. Neither will lifting small weights with a trainer. Or doing spin class. The gym is not a toxic environment.
I get flack all the time for eating healthy and "only" gaining ten pounds(as of 38 weeks). My MIL actually told me to "go get McDonald's or something. You need to gain weight or your baby will be too thin and she'll die." What. The. Actual. Fuck? My baby is just fine. She will be just fine. If I gain fat and cholesterol, it will not help her. Trust me, a salad is ok food for pregnancy. Excuse me for wanting to be healthy.

I won't even go into the medications conversations... Or the ones about how only formula has enough whatever to keep my baby from having whatever terrible illness.
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