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Pregnancy Pregnancy

12 w 4 d and my fiancee left me [long but please read]

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:12 AM
  • 35 Replies

Me and my fiancee have been trying for a year for a baby. He was sure he couldnt have kids, and we were just about to start some testing when on Dec 10 we found out we were pregnant. After a long year of praying and praying and trying and doing every little myth possible. We were beyond excited! 
Now since a week before we found out I have been having horrible morning sickness, to the point i could barely take care of my other two kids [from a previous relationship]  i stopped cooking dinner everynight and the house got messier than where definitely used to, plus on top of morning, well ALL DAY sickness, i was sick then got a sinus infection, i have been absolutely miserable, not including how tired ive been since i wake up at 5am to get my kids ready for school and drive my fiancee 20 miles to work.
Well my fiancee has been complaining about me not cooking or cleaning or putting on makeup and getting dressed up anymore, and doesnt even believe me when i tell him its because of how sick ive been. Now mind you, yesterday i felt great and i got so more done than i have since i found out i was pregnant, i am NOT a lazy person at all, the few days ive felt ok, i took and passed my GED test, and took my enterance exam for nursing school. I havnt just layed around and done absolutely nothing.

Well basicallyu yesterday he called me on his lunch and told me not to pick him up from work, that he was going to his moms with his brother and was probably staying the night there, i knew that ment something was VERY wrong, then last night he told me he was tired of "the life we have been living" and tired of me not doing anything and doesnt want to be with me anymore.

im so hurt because this happened because of the baby he wanted so bad, i have my two kids and was fine with that, but he wanted one of his own and i agreed we should, but I was doing it a lot for him [yes i wanted this baby too, but not to raise another one on my own]

I need advice, I dont know what to do, hes set on us not being together, and I can not support another baby on my own, I dont even work right now, he was financially supporting us so I can finish nursing school. How will I make enough money to support the 4 of us, plus take care of a new baby with a 3 and 4 year old. I will have to give up school , and I dont even know what typoe of decent job I can get with no degree yet. We had a very comfortable life with him working, me being a stay at home mom, and just going to school. I do not believe in abortion, but I almost wish I did, i just know its something i could personally never do. I feel so stuck and lost .  

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ctaylor1211
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:31 AM

oh no im sorry this exact thing happened to me just two sundays ago so almost two weeks ago I talked to him  and talked to him and a lot of the time it was fighting but I just kept explaining he has no idea how sick i have been (I work full-time) so he doesnt see it during the day.  Long story short, we decided to try to work it out as of two days ago but i am on medicine to make my all day sickness better and since i am 10 weeks now i am starting to feel a little better so I can actually get off the couch or out of bed while I am at home.  All you can do is try to get him to see how you feel, how sick you are and how debilitating that is.

KristinCarr
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:35 AM


I have though , ive cried to him and he doesnt get it at all! I get migrained very often to, and when i get a migraine im done, NOTHING is getting done. the one night i was crying trying to go to sleep , and ended up having to go to the ER and he was mad i really left to the ER all night long. and i even had to take him to work after i got home from the ER at 4:30 am, at 5 i had to get my kids up and ready. he really just tells me to suck it up and compares me to his ex, saying "oh when crystal was pregnant and sick she still cooked and cleaned and blah blah blah " ughhhhhhhhhh

Quoting ctaylor1211:

oh no im sorry this exact thing happened to me just two sundays ago so almost two weeks ago I talked to him  and talked to him and a lot of the time it was fighting but I just kept explaining he has no idea how sick i have been (I work full-time) so he doesnt see it during the day.  Long story short, we decided to try to work it out as of two days ago but i am on medicine to make my all day sickness better and since i am 10 weeks now i am starting to feel a little better so I can actually get off the couch or out of bed while I am at home.  All you can do is try to get him to see how you feel, how sick you are and how debilitating that is.



jamamama00
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:47 AM
3 moms liked this

Um, what he is doing to you is emotional abuse! No way should you let any asshole treat you that way. Comparing you to his ex? Tell him to go fucking find her then! IDK enough about your situation to give you advice on how to proceed, but you need to find a way to finish school, even if it means getting on welfare and going to gov't housing right now. I would let boyfriend know in no uncertain terms that you will be going after him for child support. I'm trying really hard to not lecture you on "why in the hell didn't you marrythis guy before trying to conceive?!"

nicole2884
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

tell his mom why he is there an see if she kicks him out what a sorry excuse for a man, sorry but who leaves their pregnant gf/wife/so

he well have to pay child support what about your other childrens father is he not paying child support go to court an get it taken care of, maybe if he read anything about being pregnant he understand

sorry hun cant make a man do anything he doesnt want to , wish i was more help but go get child support an sign up for hud housing an food assitance , you can get financial aid for school, it well be hard as hell to do it but you well be better off in the end

govt, even helps with day care

blessedmommie07
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:01 AM
My DH was/is the same. I'm 10 weeks and had no morning sickness but beyond exhausted and nauseated. I also have chronic pain from car and falling accidents and horrible constant headaches and migraines. He would say "you should go to the doctor because so and so is pregnant and she isn't like this." He just could not see how tired and in pain I was.

I know it might seem tough and you won't want to live on welfare but it can help you transition. You and the kids can get state medical, food stamps, daycare assistance if you start working, sometimes cash too but I hated that one and you have to pay the cash back if you get child support. I think there is work first if you go to college. You can still succeed it just might be way harder then you planned. And even if he does come back start saving money when you can because if he does this once who is to say he won't do it again. And state help can be temporary so don't look at it as bad cause if you work hard you don't have to be on it too long. *hugs*
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KristinCarr
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:18 AM

Thanks girls... I dont get Child support from my 2 kids father , he is on child support, he just doesnt work, so theres nothing to give me, and he dissapears, last time i herd he was somewhere in new york.... I dont even consider him their father, my current fiancee or ex fiancee is basically the kids Dad, they call him Daddy or Papi and are attaced to him. 

Hopefully I can manage through school, its only 11 months and i will be a LPN, My son gets SSI so that will have to pay some of the bills, i just have a lot, I have credit cards, I just bought a brand new 2012 Chevy cruze in May, i have a phone contract, cable contract, I luckily dont pay rent right now, because my mom is letting me live in her rental property because we were buying a house, its just my sons SSI will only cover my car payment, car insurance, phone bill and one credit card.... so I need enough money to pay the rest, plus have diapers for the baby and all that stuff. I made an appointment for WIC already so if he is still gone I have that to get started with. I really am just angry , i tried for a baby for him, my kids are a good age and my life was getting very easy for me to just focus on school, and i did this for him, and he gets to just walk away?!!!?! 

MichaelsMom0711
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:23 AM

 Wow, he sounds like a dick that is stuck in an old movie from 1945 thinking the woman should be doing everything around the house. And does he know that "Crystal" might not have been as sick as u and that every woman, and even every pregnancy is different?? He sounds like he thinks u should be at his every call, having to pick his sorry ass up from work and take him at 430 am after the ER then still wants u to keep a perfect house with 2 little kids and being in early pregnancy?? My SO actually just complained about my son's toys being all over and the dishes werent done, which i dont do, the soap dries my hands up too much in winter so hes supposed to do them, either that or i told him get paper plates and cups. well i told him Michael is 18 months old, our 2nd baby is coming in July, expect the f***ing house to be like this for the next 4-6 years and if u dont like it BYE!! He got the mesage and did the dishes and picked the shit up. I think u deserve better than this and I dont know ur whole story but do u have family that would help u while u finish school and help when the baby comes? U dont need  him and DONT let him make u think u do, if anything it looks like hes the one that needs U. Im sorry u have to go thru this while pregnant though :(


Quoting KristinCarr:

 

I have though , ive cried to him and he doesnt get it at all! I get migrained very often to, and when i get a migraine im done, NOTHING is getting done. the one night i was crying trying to go to sleep , and ended up having to go to the ER and he was mad i really left to the ER all night long. and i even had to take him to work after i got home from the ER at 4:30 am, at 5 i had to get my kids up and ready. he really just tells me to suck it up and compares me to his ex, saying "oh when crystal was pregnant and sick she still cooked and cleaned and blah blah blah " ughhhhhhhhhh

Quoting ctaylor1211:

oh no im sorry this exact thing happened to me just two sundays ago so almost two weeks ago I talked to him  and talked to him and a lot of the time it was fighting but I just kept explaining he has no idea how sick i have been (I work full-time) so he doesnt see it during the day.  Long story short, we decided to try to work it out as of two days ago but i am on medicine to make my all day sickness better and since i am 10 weeks now i am starting to feel a little better so I can actually get off the couch or out of bed while I am at home.  All you can do is try to get him to see how you feel, how sick you are and how debilitating that is.

 

 


 

ctaylor1211
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:29 AM

you dont need that at all. As far as school goes you can get grants and loans.  I had to get them to live on because my son was five and daughter was 1 when my husband walked out on us leaving us with nothing.  I was on my last semester of college so I got grants and loans to finish my degree.  Then I started working during the day and taking classes at the University at night.  I woudl use my loans to pay rent for six months at a time and my job paid my utilities. I got on food stamps for a little while just until I could get on my feet.  It was not ideal but I had two kids I had to take care of.  We lived in a tiny two bedroom apartment for almost two years.  It can be done it is hard but in the end it is better than dealing with emotional abuse from a pig.  He is ridiculous.  You could get more support from a Dog.

KristinCarr
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:36 AM


i never thought about getting extra loans to help pay for things, thats a great idea! Thank you sooooo much! 

He is from a traditional hispanic family, so he firmly believes i should have a full home cooked meal ready for dinner ervery night and the house perfectly clean and all that crap. I was raised in a home where both parents worked and then everything was split 50 50 at home, my dad loved to cook so he did more of the cooking than my mom probably, and my mom didnt work much so yea she naturally just kept the house clean, I just dont think i even want the life he wants. My 2 kids dad was an ass, and he still would get off his ass and make something if he was hugnry and i was sick, or when i was breastfeeding , i had issues so i was contantly trying to get my daughter to latch, and he knew that wasw more important... if he wants to compare exes, i def can start that! [needless to say Crystal that he compared me to, has been in and out of jail, is a stripper, just had a abortion because she didnt know who the dad was, and has one baby, who she claimed was his, but after she was born they had a DNA and it turned out not to be. ] so if she is such a better person because she cooke dand cleaned while she was pregnant, then so be it lol 

Quoting ctaylor1211:

you dont need that at all. As far as school goes you can get grants and loans.  I had to get them to live on because my son was five and daughter was 1 when my husband walked out on us leaving us with nothing.  I was on my last semester of college so I got grants and loans to finish my degree.  Then I started working during the day and taking classes at the University at night.  I woudl use my loans to pay rent for six months at a time and my job paid my utilities. I got on food stamps for a little while just until I could get on my feet.  It was not ideal but I had two kids I had to take care of.  We lived in a tiny two bedroom apartment for almost two years.  It can be done it is hard but in the end it is better than dealing with emotional abuse from a pig.  He is ridiculous.  You could get more support from a Dog.



AmyL3469
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:17 PM

I think he's overreacting, but I think you are too about the sickness. I have horrible sickness with this pregnancy, but I need to do what I need to do. I'm in school full-time, I'm not letting my grades slip, still doing what I need to for that. My kids drive me bonkers still, I clean what needs to be, I cook for my family. My husband has been helping, as your fiance should be as well. Any good man would help when he can.

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