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Unattached & feeling depressed

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Sorry this is long, but I need to vent. I got my first bfp in August 2012 and my husband and I were excited to have our first baby.  A week later I miscarried.  I pretty much got pregnant again right away, and got a bfp at the end of October.  I was afraid to get attached to the idea of being pregnant because of my previous loss.  I thought that after I heard the heartbeat for the first time I would start getting more attached.  I was thrilled to hear the heartbeat, and started feeling better about the pregnancy.  

As my 20 week ultra sound approached I started getting more and more nervous.  I desperately wanted a girl and knew I would be devastated if it was a boy.  A few nights before my ultra sound I had a dream that I gave birth to a boy, and I was completely numb, and didnt really want anything to do with the baby.  Well my ultra sound has come and gone, and we really are having a boy.  I tried to act excited while we were there, but my heart was broken. I went home and bawled my eyes out.  

I did some shopping, and picked out some boy clothes and started planning his nursery, which made me feel a little better. But now I am sitting here crying again, because I really do not want a little boy right now! I wanted a girl first! I feel so guilty. I should be happy that he is healthy.  Everyone keeps asking if I am excited, and I keep hiding behind the excuse that I cant think of a boy name, I hate them all.  Everyone keeps telling me that once he is here I will be over the moon with excitement.  I dont believe them. I just feel so depressed and unattached to this baby. sad

Married to my soulmate, Ben *8.13.11* 

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:06 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Firstly: Congrats!
Second: I felt a bit unattached through my pregnancy too. I knew I loved her but I didn't feel much joy. I am so in love since giving birth, I feel like a different person.
Maybe you're the same way. I hope things get better for you soon.
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by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:37 AM

I've always wanted a girl. Whenever I picture my family its me, my husband and a little girl. We only want 2 kids, and I feel like since this one is a boy the next one will be too, and I will never get my little girl. 

Quoting Pandapanda:

Why do you want a girl so bad? What makes you feel so negative about a little boy?

Married to my soulmate, Ben *8.13.11* 

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:59 AM

I'm sorry that you feel this way. I too kept picturing and dreaming about a girl before we found out what we were having, I would think pleasseeeee let it be a girl! And I had a dream that I had a boy and cried.. Well, sure enough, it was a boy. I was very disappointed at first. My mom took me to buy some boy outfits and I couldn't find anything I liked, and my eyes kept wondering over to alllll the cute girl clothes. It took several weeks before I started getting used to the idea. But truth be told, there is a reason that the term "mommas boy" exists, little boys really do love their moms! and little girls are daddys girls! So just try to enjoy the fact that your little boy will love you with all his little heart, and be good to him.. girls are hard to deal with as they come into their teenage years anyway! Plus, my mother-in-law lives alone, and it is my husband who goes over there and cleans up her yard, cuts her grass, fixes things in her house.. he takes care of his momma, in ways a girl couldn't... so be thankful that you will have that in your life. Maybe your next pregnancy will be a girl and you will have one of each.. that would be special =] I've always wished I had a big brother to look out for me!! Just try to look at the positive things about your situation. I guess that was a little easier for me, because we tried for 4 years before getting pregnant, and I AM happy to just have a healthy baby, when so many people do not. In fact, now, I am SO used to the idea of a boy (and how easy everyone claims they are), I really love him already, and I actually thought the other day when getting another ultrasound "I hope he is still a boy and they didnt see something that wasnt there" ... that is a thought I never thought I'd have.. anyways, good luck with everything, I hope when you see his perfect little face you feel differently!

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by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:04 AM

With my first I really wanted a girl, both my husband and I were disappointed it was a boy and I felt unattached to him after that, even once I had him it took a couple of weeks to feel attached to him. By the time he was 3 months old I was completely and totally in love with him. Our next pregnancy I wanted a boy again! :) I got a boy, but it's normal. Once that little guy looks in your eyes like you are the best mom in the world you wont care about him not being a girl. 

by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:09 AM

It sounds like you are experiencing a good dose of depression. Gender disappointment can add to that. Please talk to your doctor or a pychologist now, so you can avoid PPD. You really will love your son, but you have to be healthy first. 8) *good luck*

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:09 AM

When my husband and I found out that we were expecting a girl at our ultra sound appointment I thought for sure he would be disappointed because all he ever talked about was wanting a boy to carry on his family legacy (oh please, right?)  It literally took him holding her to realize how much he loved her and I have never seen a prouder papa.  She is two now and he and I are currently expecting our second baby after two failed later term miscarriages this past year.  I am not going to try to tell you how to feel because little girls are awesome but so are little boys.  I adore my nephew and would love a son of my own.  At this point though, I am praying that my baby survives.  People keep asking if we are praying for a boy and I keep saying "actually I just hope that the baby lives beyond 20 weeks in utero this time."  Maybe it will take you holding your baby to realize how wonderful it is to have him.  Good luck to you.

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:16 AM

I had the same exact feelings with my first. My mom is my best friend and I wanted a girl first to develop the same relationship. When I found out he was a boy, I was really sad. As time went on it got a little better. I can tell you now, though, that I wouldnt have it any other way. Mommies and little boys have a special connection, just like daddies and little girls. I know it doesnt seem like it now, but you'll find out what true unconditional love is when you fall in love with your little boy. I PROMISE YOU! :-) For now, take things a day at a time. Dont ignore your feelings. Talk with someone you're close with about them. It might help. Plus, I think as your pregnancy goes on and you start to prepare more, you might feel better. HUGS! 

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Now, when my almost 4 year old wraps his arms around my neck and coos and says, I love you so much mommy, Im at a loss for words. THose moments are my favorite in the WHOLE world. :-) 

by Amber on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:50 AM

Not always the case. I had a son first, then a little girl. :) It can always happen. 

Quoting truelove813:

I've always wanted a girl. Whenever I picture my family its me, my husband and a little girl. We only want 2 kids, and I feel like since this one is a boy the next one will be too, and I will never get my little girl. 

Quoting Pandapanda:

Why do you want a girl so bad? What makes you feel so negative about a little boy?

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:03 PM

 I understand a little about the wanting a girl. My husband and I are expecting our 3rd child and we have two wonderful little boy's right now. We love our boy's more than anything! Boys are so much fun! But my husband and i have always wanted a little girl! We have always said we wanted 3 kid's so if this is another boy i will be slightly dissapointed i didn't get a daughter. But i have fully prepared myself for the fact that it is probably another boy. I will be thrilled either way. But slightly dissapointed i will never expirence having a daughter.

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