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Pregnancy Pregnancy

needing some serious advice

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:54 AM
  • 11 Replies
My friend and I are both pregnant, a month apart to be exact. Not planned on either ends for both of us. But I got a disturbing phone call from her today about her doc visit. She has found out she got a STD from her BD. Note that she had missed two months of doctor appointments and now finding out. All she had was blood work and a u/s done the last time. But thank God is was barely there and the baby and her will be alright. I was in shock cause that was like a wow for me to hear that from her... He said he didn't have it but went to health department and got medicine for it. They told her no sexual intercourse for a week. I asked her how could she trust him enough to sleep with him again. There wasn't enough love in the world that I would stay with him. I would be afraid to catch it again... of course she was telling me she didn't want him to leave and that if does it again.. he has to go. Of course I told her your putting your baby at risk as well as your child you have already. And you are the one finding text messages from girls and him gone for hours plus days at a time. Right there should be a trust issue. Of course she starts getting loud with me. I asked please don't yell at me cause you know two pregnant women don't handle that well... she continued to tell me I don't need to be remind her of what she knows. That she knows this and I told her bye with a quickness. Her BD is back out running around tonight doing whatever he does.. I care about her and both of the kids. But I don't understand how she would put her baby back at risk as well as herself. I was being honest with her as a friend and I was in the wrong for saying what she had told me, so that gave her the right to yell at me. What would you do if this happened to a friend? Would you say something or let her be a blinded...
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:54 AM
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Mrs.Andrews
by Mandy on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this

STD's are VERY common. Many of them don't hold much risk for unborn babies. I think what she does about the STD is her business. Of course he is probably cheating on her. If she knows he is cheating and wants to stay, I think you have to just wash your hands of the whole thing. She has to decide she is worth more than a guy like that on her own. You can't force it on her.

mommyof2kids306
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:17 AM
You can't say anything to her she is going to do what she wants just be there for her when it happens again we all know its going to happen again


Quoting smyeary:

My friend and I are both pregnant, a month apart to be exact. Not planned on either ends for both of us. But I got a disturbing phone call from her today about her doc visit. She has found out she got a STD from her BD. Note that she had missed two months of doctor appointments and now finding out. All she had was blood work and a u/s done the last time. But thank God is was barely there and the baby and her will be alright. I was in shock cause that was like a wow for me to hear that from her... He said he didn't have it but went to health department and got medicine for it. They told her no sexual intercourse for a week. I asked her how could she trust him enough to sleep with him again. There wasn't enough love in the world that I would stay with him. I would be afraid to catch it again... of course she was telling me she didn't want him to leave and that if does it again.. he has to go. Of course I told her your putting your baby at risk as well as your child you have already. And you are the one finding text messages from girls and him gone for hours plus days at a time. Right there should be a trust issue. Of course she starts getting loud with me. I asked please don't yell at me cause you know two pregnant women don't handle that well... she continued to tell me I don't need to be remind her of what she knows. That she knows this and I told her bye with a quickness. Her BD is back out running around tonight doing whatever he does.. I care about her and both of the kids. But I don't understand how she would put her baby back at risk as well as herself. I was being honest with her as a friend and I was in the wrong for saying what she had told me, so that gave her the right to yell at me. What would you do if this happened to a friend? Would you say something or let her be a blinded...

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mommy06and09
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:19 AM
1 mom liked this
i agree. you have said your piece now let it go. if you want to remain friends you need to just be supportive. hugs and good luck.
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kelly617
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 3:17 AM

I think I would have done the same thing you did
What did she really expect you to say "yippy you got an std from your cheating piece of crap boyfriend whohoo!"

Honestly...I think you need to just step back at this point...the situation with her is only going to worry you and upset you and she obviously isn't going to do the RIGHT thing (getting rid of the jackass) so there's no good outcome to this

smyeary
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:31 AM
I know I can force anything on her. My hormones have me just more straight forward then I would usually be with anyone. And I told her that if it was me, I couldn't be with someone like this. It got me more upset cause I was being trying to tell her that I was not be rude or disrespectful to her, that was my opinion. But to say you are the only one I can tell and talk about it then turn around andyell at me like I gave it to her... She had another thing coming on that one. That is what had me pissed off.

Quoting Mrs.Andrews:

STD's are VERY common. Many of them don't hold much risk for unborn babies. I think what she does about the STD is her business. Of course he is probably cheating on her. If she knows he is cheating and wants to stay, I think you have to just wash your hands of the whole thing. She has to decide she is worth more than a guy like that on her own. You can't force it on her.


smyeary
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:49 AM

Yeah... its going to happen again. But she ain't gonna yell at me for it because I didn't give it to her.Being ppregnant with all these hormones has me on edge. Her yelling at me was not a good way to get her point across. As she said..gggrrrr
Quoting mommyof2kids306:


smyeary
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:53 AM
1 mom liked this
Thanks...I am glad someone would have done the same. Trying to be nice and not rude with understanding is not easy when your hormones are everywhere. But to continue to sleep with someone that could possibly hurt your baby... hell na!! He has to go cause my kids are more important. That was the last thing I told her that I wasn't going to say nothing else about it. She can handle it the best way she feels possible

Quoting kelly617:

I think I would have done the same thing you didWhat did she really expect you to say "yippy you got an std from your cheating piece of crap boyfriend whohoo!"Honestly...I think you need to just step back at this point...the situation with her is only going to worry you and upset you and she obviously isn't going to do the RIGHT thing (getting rid of the jackass) so there's no good outcome to this


smyeary
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:54 AM
That was how I felt that I said my peace... I told her I won't say nothing else about it and she can handle it however she wants too. All in all her yelling at me like I have it to her sent me over the edge.

Quoting mommy06and09:

i agree. you have said your piece now let it go. if you want to remain friends you need to just be supportive. hugs and good luck.

jheggel1
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 6:14 AM

I can sort of relate to your friend, actually.... my boyfriend hasn't cheated on me, but since I've been pregnant I have been so desperate to keep him and needy all the time that I have thought about how I would handle a situation like this and for the first time ever in my life, I can say I might actually forgive and try to forget. I think maybe it's a biological thing: we feel this intense urge to make sure our mate stays with us to help us raise our young. She still has hope because he still comes home to her. Try to be a little understanding, I know it seems kind of crazy and if she weren't pregnant I would completely agree with you, but I think when you're carrying someone's child it complicates things a bit.

smyeary
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:17 PM
I do understand the whole wanting to keep your child's father around especially while pregnant. Because they already have 1 child that is there with them both.I just don't understand why would you or anyone would put themselves back at risk of catching a STD again. We both pregnant and I do have some understanding you want them to be there but there is enough love to make me wantto go through it again. I explained to my fiance that if he was to have done that to me while pregnant I would kick him out because I could not trust him. And we have a 3 year old together and I am expecting another 1. So I do understand how she feels about keeping him around for her kids but I just think that you have to trust someone in order for a relationship to survive. and it drives me bananas that she wants to talk about it and I try to talk to her but yells at me like I gave you her instead of him. friends don't yell at 1 another when someone else is wrong that is how I see itthe more I talk about it the more I get upset. Because I do care about her and both r kids.


Quoting jheggel1:

I can sort of relate to your friend, actually.... my boyfriend hasn't cheated on me, but since I've been pregnant I have been so desperate to keep him and needy all the time that I have thought about how I would handle a situation like this and for the first time ever in my life, I can say I might actually forgive and try to forget. I think maybe it's a biological thing: we feel this intense urge to make sure our mate stays with us to help us raise our young. She still has hope because he still comes home to her. Try to be a little understanding, I know it seems kind of crazy and if she weren't pregnant I would completely agree with you, but I think when you're carrying someone's child it complicates things a bit.


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