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Pregnancy Pregnancy

My baby won't be my baby anymore :(

Posted by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:00 PM
  • 20 Replies

 I struggled for a long time deciding if I really wanted to have another baby or not.  I feel like we are strong as a "three" and was afraid another one would throw us off. I am almost weirdly obsessed with my son (Nolan, 3)... I just love him so much and it's hard to imagine loving another like I do for him.  I know I will, and once I get to meet this little boy and see the two of them bond together, it will be just as good as the first time! 

In the mean time I want to take advantage of the time we have left with an only child.  Is there anything you did to make your first feel extra special before the new baby came?  I know he is going to feel a little out of the loop, especially with me nursing and whatnot.  I am planning on including him into most everything I can, and my mom and MIL are going to be rotating to help and to keep Nolan occupied. 

Any suggestions to better his/my mental and emotional well being are greatly appreciated.  I'm sure he will be wonderful... I'll be the wreck!  ;)

Yes, I'm tearing up as I'm typing.  Boo hoo.

by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
brittany208
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:06 PM

I also have a 3yo only named Nolan!! I'm actually really not worried about having another though. He has always been my little helper, and when baby comes, that won't change. He'll just have new jobs!

I tell him all the time how much I love him and that he's my favorite. We read books and talk very excitedly about HIS little brother. He loves to give my belly hugs and kisses and cuddles. I *think* having a second baby is harder when the first one is only 18mo-2yr, because they cant understand as well. But at 3.5 (he'll be very nearly 4 when baby comes) he's old enough to understand what's going on.

MomOfNolan
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:16 PM

 That is too funny!  My Nolan will be 4 the month after the new baby is born!  Weird! 

Truly, he has been great about everything thus far, he talks about his little brother, when he colors, he draws pictures of the baby included in our family.  He even thinks that the baby is going to sleep in his room, and I am just going to "help" him take care of it! 

For the most part I'm sure he'll be fine, but it just completely makes me feel sick to my stomach just THINKING about him feeling left out or my second priority.  Before I was pregnant my husband wanted another baby so bad, and I just had this strong feeling of resentment towards this child that didn't even exist!  Obviously I am getting past that some, otherwise I wouldn't be having another but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it sometimes :( 

I need therapy.

Quoting brittany208:

I also have a 3yo only named Nolan!! I'm actually really not worried about having another though. He has always been my little helper, and when baby comes, that won't change. He'll just have new jobs!

I tell him all the time how much I love him and that he's my favorite. We read books and talk very excitedly about HIS little brother. He loves to give my belly hugs and kisses and cuddles. I *think* having a second baby is harder when the first one is only 18mo-2yr, because they cant understand as well. But at 3.5 (he'll be very nearly 4 when baby comes) he's old enough to understand what's going on.

 

LuckyNLoved
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:21 PM
1 mom liked this

When I was in my last trimester I went to the doctor every week due to gd. Ater every appt my daughter and I would do something different. We went to a dairy farm, the library, the baby store to pick something for her brother, whateveer she wanted to do. We tried to just focus on letting her know how things were going to be with the new baby. He is going to cry and will be too small to do things for himself so he will need mommy and daddy a lot. But we focused on the cool aspects the closer we got.

After my son was born my mother took dd, who is 3, to the Henry Doorly Zoo for a "Big Sister Adventure"

MomOfNolan
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:30 PM

 Thank you for the advise!  I love the idea of him picking whatever he wants to do one day per week (I don't have weekly appointments).  Right now, we do a lot together but I need to make an effort to let him make more of the decision.  Target trips are ALWAYS fun to me, not always for him ;)

I am thinking about going to get some more books about being a big brother, we have a few, but none that explain it too well. If you have any suggestions, I'd be forever grateful!

My in-laws are planning on taking him camping in their RV to this really awesome state park while we are having our hospital stay so that he can have his special thing. 

 

Quoting LuckyNLoved:

When I was in my last trimester I went to the doctor every week due to gd. Ater every appt my daughter and I would do something different. We went to a dairy farm, the library, the baby store to pick something for her brother, whateveer she wanted to do. We tried to just focus on letting her know how things were going to be with the new baby. He is going to cry and will be too small to do things for himself so he will need mommy and daddy a lot. But we focused on the cool aspects the closer we got.

After my son was born my mother took dd, who is 3, to the Henry Doorly Zoo for a "Big Sister Adventure"

 

LuckyNLoved
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Libraries often have a list of books on subjects, i'm having a brain fart right now, but thats where i found the big sister books for my daughter.

Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:38 PM

You know, I think we all worry about this when it comes time to have another baby. I know I worried a lot when I was pregnant with my daughter- so much that I wasn't able to fully enjoy my pregnancy because of all the anxieties and depression those worries brought on. 

When the new baby arrives, things will just fall into place. The first few weeks of the baby being at home, I had my husband take our son out for Daddy-Son dates at the park, picnics for them outside, always took him to the store and had him help shop for things. We also made sure to buy him a new, special toy once the baby arrived. Something that was just for him! It was only a little $8 truck, but it's one of his most prized posessions. 

Be sure to involve your son in some of the small purchases for the baby, such as diapers and wipes. "Which ones do you think we should buy for your baby brother/sister?"  "Would you like to buy a gift for the baby?", but also make sure you do things like get ice cream or go to the park without any mention of the baby. 

mrsniebo
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Aww. I've had the same concerns going from one kiddo to two. I've only got a few weeks to go, so I've been talking up being a big girl, big sister, and big helper to my 2 yr old DD over the past several months. We've been trying to make sure DD feels included in plans for the baby and her little brother will be giving her a present.

MichaelsMom0711
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:20 PM

Aww, thats cute. Ur NOT weirdly obsessed, ur just a good, very loving mom and he is lucky to have u! And my son is 19 months now, i am due with his little brother in July, right when he will be turning 2. I have been saying the baby and pointing to my stomach and showing him my u/s pics and he says baby and stuff and just spoiling him like always, when the baby gets here i am going to have Michael bring me stuff, like a diaper for him, or his bottle or toys and he loves to read and say letters already so by that time he will probably like reading to his brother! little things like that. And trust me, u made the right choice to have a sibling for him, even if it is just the 2 of them. I am an only child and i ALWAYS wanted to at least have a brother, maybe thats why i got 2 boys! And im sure we r going to love these little #2's as much as the #1's! :)

kmqw229
by Ruby Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:54 PM
It is hard to fathom loving another child as much as your first, but some how it works out and everything falls into place.

I think it is great that you are planning ahead to make the transition smooth.

Good luck!
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brittany208
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 7:38 PM

 lol, yes you do :) I purposely do NOT want my nolan to be an only child so he won't develop "center of the universe disease" that runs so rampant these days. Although, even as an only, he's really very compassionate and empathetic already. But having siblings is good for kids.


Quoting MomOfNolan:

 That is too funny!  My Nolan will be 4 the month after the new baby is born!  Weird! 

Truly, he has been great about everything thus far, he talks about his little brother, when he colors, he draws pictures of the baby included in our family.  He even thinks that the baby is going to sleep in his room, and I am just going to "help" him take care of it! 

For the most part I'm sure he'll be fine, but it just completely makes me feel sick to my stomach just THINKING about him feeling left out or my second priority.  Before I was pregnant my husband wanted another baby so bad, and I just had this strong feeling of resentment towards this child that didn't even exist!  Obviously I am getting past that some, otherwise I wouldn't be having another but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it sometimes :( 

I need therapy.

Quoting brittany208:

I also have a 3yo only named Nolan!! I'm actually really not worried about having another though. He has always been my little helper, and when baby comes, that won't change. He'll just have new jobs!

I tell him all the time how much I love him and that he's my favorite. We read books and talk very excitedly about HIS little brother. He loves to give my belly hugs and kisses and cuddles. I *think* having a second baby is harder when the first one is only 18mo-2yr, because they cant understand as well. But at 3.5 (he'll be very nearly 4 when baby comes) he's old enough to understand what's going on.

 


 

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