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Pregnancy Pregnancy

I'm a pregnant teen & need advice.

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:45 PM
  • 33 Replies
I am 16 & currently a few days away from being 19 weeks pregnant.My boyfriend & father of my baby is 19 & he lives with me at my parents house.Well I'm really upset because he doesn't have a job,he has a car but it doesn't run so pretty much has no car.He claims he knows he needs to get a job but it's cold outside & doesn't wanna walk to apply to places (lame ass excuse I know).Anytime I bring up the fact that he needs to get a job he throws a fit because he feels it's not fair that I'm not working which is just bullshit in my opinion.He seems really sincere about feeling bad about not working & knows he needs to but he's waiting for a possible,not even gauruntee,opportunity to work with my dad in the spring making pretty decent money.So because of that POSSIBLE job he won't apply somewhere cause what if they hire him then he has to quit to work with my dad for a few weeks then job hunt all over again.I'm just started to feel like he's enjoying the free ride & it pisses me off.He claims he had a car,job & apartment last year but lost the apartment in a fire,had to sell the car because of it etc. So why the fuck can he accomplish that for himself but not for his unborn son?! I really don't want to tell him to leave because that'll be the end of us & I have no clue where he'll go.I just feel like he's not taking this seriously when this is what he wanted (a baby).I guess I'm just asking for advice,support..anything really.
Also please don't bash my parents for me being pregnant or letting a 19 yr old living with us,this is not about them & it kills me when people talk poorly of them.
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by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bfairbanks
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:53 PM
2 moms liked this
The best advice I can give you is just explain to him that in a few months you will be bringing a baby into this world, he helped create it and they are expensive. My hubby and I lived with my parents when we got married, I was 16. It can't last forever, even if your parents don't mind how long u stay with them eventually to have a family you have to move out. If he is serious about being with u and having a baby it's time for him to man up about it. If he's ready he will get his ass in gear if not then he's not mature enough yet. Give him some time encourage him to go out and find a part time job. Explain diapers aren't cheap. If he don't get better then lay down the law, tell him it's over if he can't get it together! Good luck!
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mommyof2andTTC
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:55 PM

im sorry him hun... i wouldn't ask him about a job... i would tell him to get his lazy ass up and get one... your parents sound loving and supportive... i don't know why people would bash them... im sorry you have to go through this at 16

Mommy of 2 girls & Pregs!  twin girls & pregnant belly

tcrystal717
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 8:56 PM
Thank you.I feel like he really doesn't realize how serious this is & because he knows my parents would never let the baby go without he just doesn't worry.Well I will NOT be one of those teen mothers where my parents support my baby.They had/have a hard enough time supporting my sisters & I.


Quoting bfairbanks:

The best advice I can give you is just explain to him that in a few months you will be bringing a baby into this world, he helped create it and they are expensive. My hubby and I lived with my parents when we got married, I was 16. It can't last forever, even if your parents don't mind how long u stay with them eventually to have a family you have to move out. If he is serious about being with u and having a baby it's time for him to man up about it. If he's ready he will get his ass in gear if not then he's not mature enough yet. Give him some time encourage him to go out and find a part time job. Explain diapers aren't cheap. If he don't get better then lay down the law, tell him it's over if he can't get it together! Good luck!

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Devious103102
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly it sounds like you need to give him an untimatum. He needs to "shape up or ship out". Get a job and start to help providing for his child, or move out, no more free rides!

123MomAmy
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:26 PM
You could help him look and apply online for jobs. Careerbuilder is a great website to start with. Good luck!
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Proudmommy0610
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:29 PM
See if he will listen and if not lay the law down because babies are EXPENSIVE. And he needs to be saving now not later. Good luck
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x_Starr_x
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:31 PM
2 moms liked this
there's no reason. you can't get a job too don't play the I'm pregnant card cause pregnant people work all the time.
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tcrystal717
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:37 PM
I understand what you're saying & I definitely am not using the pregnancy card.I have applied to a few places but my parents said if I get hired anywhere they will purposefully get me fired.I know that sounds crazy & it pissed me off .they want me to focus on school so I can go to college & have a career so when Im ready to be out on my own I'll have a more steady job & not have to worry about anyone ever needing to help me.


Quoting x_Starr_x:

there's no reason. you can't get a job too don't play the I'm pregnant card cause pregnant people work all the time.

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carinsmommy
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:43 PM

 My best advice is for both of you to find jobs. It will be tougher for you, than for him, but there isn't any reason for either of you not to be working.
Next step, check with your school and see if they have an accelerated program. This is what I did so that I finished high school before my baby came. I only had a year to do, but if you can work at your own pace you can easily complete the classes you need to if not before the baby comes, soon after. This is going to be a major thing in your life. With out your highschool diploma you are going to have that much harder time finding a job.
Finally, tell him he needs to find a job. No options. Explain to him that if he isn't working, you are going to apply for state assistance (whether you do or not), and that they will force him to start paying child support. Depending on the state, they will do this even if you live together. Unless you are married they see you as separte and he is responsible for this child. Explain that you need to be able to care for the baby, and that if he isn't going to support you that this is what you'll do. Then if he isn't paying child support there will be consequences, up to and including jail.
Make it clear that this is not what you want to do but you have to take care of yourself and the baby. State assistance can be a blessing because more than likely your parents insurance is not covering your pregnancy and will not cover your child once he arrives. 
It is a tough situation to be in, but from here on out you are going to have to be tough for your baby. I've been there too, and if you would like to you can PM me. I was there, and now I have two girls, and a boy on the way. Plus work full time, attending college, and happily married.

Mrs.Andrews
by Mandy on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:33 PM

If the survival of your relationship depends on him getting a free ride and living with you guys, your relationship is doomed and there is no point in putting more time in it. You can't make him be an adult or a good dad. He has to choose to do that on his own. Some times the only way people will pick themselves up and try to make something of themselves is when they have no other options. You aren't doing yourself, your son, or your boyfriend any favors by letting him stay. 

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