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Pregnancy Pregnancy

do you think its selfish if

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:41 PM
  • 19 Replies

 a mother has a baby, miscarries and is told if she were to get pregnant again, the chances of having a healthy baby, if she doesnt miscarry is unlikey and she WILLINGLY gets pregnant again?  this isnt a personal attack on anyone or anything or whatever this happend with my sister and i sorta felt shje was being selifsh about it but then again im not her! just cerious to see what you all think about this if u were or werent in this sitch

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nicole2884
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:47 PM
Um all i well say is i wouldn't do. That
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butterflycircle
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:49 PM
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I have never been in that situation. If I t was me and I was told that. I think I would leave it in Gods hands and pray about it a lot. I do not believe Drs know everything. I wouldn't want to never try to have a child just b/c a dr said my chances of having a healthy baby was unlikely. 

If I then conceived and had a baby and this baby had some sort of problem  I might not try for another baby though. I don't know b/c I am not in that situation though. 

meam4444
by Emerald Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 8:58 PM
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 This is really hard because I don't know the doctor's reasoning as to why the chances of having a healthy baby is unlikely.  And, I know I would be seeking second and third opinions based on the one doctor's opinions.  I guess we all make our own decisions.  I personally don't feel she is being selfish because having a child and being a parent is a self-less job in itself.

roxiekittie
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:03 PM


Quoting meam4444:

 This is really hard because I don't know the doctor's reasoning as to why the chances of having a healthy baby is unlikely.  And, I know I would be seeking second and third opinions based on the one doctor's opinions.  I guess we all make our own decisions.  I personally don't feel she is being selfish because having a child and being a parent is a self-less job in itself.

I totally agree with you, i dont know the reasoning other than the miscarriage nd she was only 15 but thgat dont mean the baby cant be healthy, i know she has an std as well i dont know details bc we are not close, idk what i would do either, i think i would also leave it up to god without actually trying.  thanks for all your opinions

thundersky
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:35 PM

i have a cousin that was told when she was 16 that it would highly unlikely she would ever get pregnant and if she did they would most likely end in miscarriage. carrying to full term would be a miracle. she now has 2 health kids that doctors said she would never have. one of her children she got pregnant on birth control.so things happen.

roxiekittie
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:37 PM


Quoting thundersky:

i have a cousin that was told when she was 16 that it would highly unlikely she would ever get pregnant and if she did they would most likely end in miscarriage. carrying to full term would be a miracle. she now has 2 health kids that doctors said she would never have. one of her children she got pregnant on birth control.so things happen.

oh yeah i know allll about that, i also got pregnant on bc lol.  idk i just felt my sister was a bit niave about it but things happen for a reason, im glad it worked out for your cousin, my sister delievered really really really early

bshoemaker
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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I had a friend that gave birth to her daughter at 23w. The little girl has chronic lung disease and now fighting at 4 to keep her organs going. She was told that she would have issues with any future children and shouldn't conceive again but she did it anyways. That baby was born extremely early also and is on oxygen and has major issues too. I felt she was being selfish when she decided to have another baby but that wasnt my place to say anything and I was always supportive. They are amazing kids but she could have prevented her second daughter from having to suffer with her extensive lung issues.
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kelly617
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:40 AM

I think it depends on the situation
What reasoning is the doctor giving that she can't carry the baby to term or the baby will be born unhealthy?
I would probably go for a 2nd opinion to see if other doctors agree with what the first doctor said

I'm really torn on this....my step daughters bio mom is in this situation. When she had my step daughter she had to have a cerclage (no big deal usually) but she still had my step daughter a month early even with the cerclage.
She also has something wrong with her uterus (not sure what its called and DH can't remember) but her doctor told her that she would NOT be able to carry a baby to term so it would be a very bad idea for her to get pregnant again. That was when she was 30

She's now 37 almost 38 and has gotten pregnant FOUR times in the last 2yrs...she has miscarried all of the babies for "unknown reasons" at 16-20wks. She says she will keep getting pregnant until it kills her or she gets her "rainbow baby"

its not my body but I can def say I would NOT do what she is doing

coleyandtrevor
by Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:42 AM
Unfortunately doctors don't know everything. I had a friend that had tried for 9 years and was told she would never be blessed to get pregnant, last Dec she had her baby girl. I would have to say that it would depend on a lot of things, if she has only had 1 miscarriage I don't really understand why she would have been told that. And as someone who tried for over 6 years to have a healthy baby I would have done almost anything to get pregnant, if there was a chance of downs syndrome or something like that it wouldn't stop me. Just because a baby doesn't look perfect doesn't mean that aren't perfect in their own special ways. It would have to be something extremely serious for me to give up my dreams of being a mommy.
audreesmama
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:47 AM
I have been pregnant 8 times and have 2 living children. I have one son who passed away from a cord issue. It took awhile for us to figure out the issue--I have a blood clotting disorder, lupus, diabetes, and a few other small issues, all resulting in issues. I was never told that I wouldn't have a healthy baby. Had I been told that my children wouldn't be healthy, I would have searched for a second opinion, and maybe a third. I would make sure this is true, and would not have had further children. I would have adopted just as I'm doing now.

This is not a situation that you can judge until you're there. It hurts like hell to bury your child. To say goodbye to someone you never really said hello to...the pain is unimaginable. You just can't judge someone if you've never gone through that. It's hurtful and pointless.
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