7 Things Not to Say to Women of a Certain Age Who You Assumed Were Done With Babies
by Sarah Bernard Friday at 8:13 PM
You may think that your 40-somethingfriends who have a couple of kids are done, as they say, with a capital D. The marathon of sleeplessness and diaper duty are in the rear view mirror. They can finally focus on themselves. Workout whenever. Go out to dinner. Or can they? When you're facing the end of your fertility, fantasies of another pregnancy can hit you like an emotional tsunami. No matter how irrational, financially challenging, logistically challenging, career challenging and marriage challenging the one-last-baby idea may be, the longing may be there as well.
This week we learned that 40-year-old bombshell Sofia Vergara, who, by the way is two decades out of the baby stage with a 21-year-old son, is freezing her eggs and/or possibly using a surrogate to have a second child with her fiancé.
Gwyneth Paltrow admitted that she's missing her third. The actor/wellness guru/cookbook author and mother of two, miscarried some time after she had her 7-year-old son, and "almost died" from the complications. Now, at 40 and a half, it sounds like she's feeling "broody."
If you know someone who you thought was Done, but may really not be done, best to avoid saying the following.
- Your kids grew up so fast. They're like teenagers! Even when just an exaggeration, it drives home how much time has past since you were in the game.
- You'd never have another, right? I mean, I don't know how you keep it together as it is. SO judgey!
- There's really nothing better than that new baby smell. If you love infants, this is a killer.
- I wonder if you'd have a hard time getting pregnant now because of your age. Like a knife in the heart.
- Don't you worry that if you had a baby now, you'd be taking something away from the kids you already have? The pieces of the pie argument. Logical, perhaps. But the decision isn't always an A +B = C type of thing.
- Maternity clothes are so much cuter now than when we were pregnant. For the fashion alone, it can be tempting.
- It's funny I always thought your husband really wanted a boy/girl [which ever one you don't have]. A total projection but a huge guilt-trip nontheless.
Do you ever think about having another kid?
Image via Normanack/Flickr