I'm 23wks pregnant almost 24. Before i found out for sure I was pregnant I really thought after 5yrs i would need fertility treatments and help overall. I was on BC taking it at 9pm every night and I was religious about this cause I knew I wasn't just ready yetbut I love being in the groups who needed support for people who were trying so I was in all those groups. I have 2 other boys who are 4 and 5. Not to mention I'm still legally married to my soon to be ex-husband and we've been separated well over 4yrs now. I just want a divorce already and when it comes down to it I never seem to have the money for this. Anyways for whatever reason my SO asked a question one day when we were talking about kids. He tells me he's not ready yet and I full out believe him but he wants everything to be perfect. Mind you he's now 30 and I'm 26, were not getting younger or anything. In Dec 2012 I RANDOMLY got pregnant not really I was on back to back antibiotics for sinus infections which I'm guessing did cancel out my BC. Well Dec 26th I took a test and it was positive. I could not believe my eyes in any sense but my SO was just shocked. He's had bad issues with kids i guess. His first son who he thought was his turned out to not be his and had the child support removed. Well last yr in July we found out he had a almost 3yr old in NJ from a ex of his. Turns out after a dna test yep its his and yep he has to pay child support about 500 a month. Mind you we pay all the time no matter what. He's never seen his son or talked to him. Only saw 1 pic after the dna test and that's it ever. Well we went down to planned parent hood on Dec 27th which was his 30th birthday and they said that I was about 13wks pregnant. We were so shocked. He pushed for a abortion. I can't do that kinda stuff no matter what and that's just me. I'd rather do a adoption. Well turns out I was only about 5-6wks after a ultrasound on Jan 30th that put me at 12wks. So my last period was off by a lot. As it turns out we agreed on adoption and as of latley I've been doing this emotional roller coaster. I'm bi-polar and so I went on Zoloft to help with things. That's been good except the fact of the mud-butt. So I missed 2 days with all the stress we've had as of late and I never really noticed till the third day so I took my pill and had awful stomach pain for 24hrs. I could not eat or anything. I skipped the next days pill and bam I'm feeling okay. Well as it turns out I know I needed some type of anti-depressant to make sure that I stay in the right mind for everything. Since I've been off I don't want to do the adoption at all I want to keep my third son and tie my tubes. I don't want anymore kids even if my last one is not a girl. I get were not in a good place but somehow things always work out for us. He's on medical leave due to having a horrible reaction to paxil so he's home till July 1st which allows me to go to work on 3rd shift as a CNA so we will have 2 incomes. He goes in at 7am and gets out at 3:30pm I would go to work from 11pm-7am an I can take the bus or if need be he can go to work a half hour late and come home at 4. We've been trying to work all this out. I've been turned down for 2 jobs so far due to being pregnant and not working in over 3yrs. I just want to keep my son no matter what. I know my SO is scared and not happy about the turn of events but every time I talk about keeping our son his only son he will really know and be there for he says he's going to leave and why bother continuing a relationship if I cant accept what he wants. I bend for this man in every sense. I supported him for over 6months and when he found out he had to take me and the 2 boys on he was okay up till my ex-husband didn't pay child support and that's all I ever hear about. I don't know what to do and i feel like I can't really be happy about my pregnancy at all. I want to have everything with my SO I only want one more kid, 3 is my limit period. I want him to understand that. I'm just so lost confused and being off any meds is only making me a basket case 100%.