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I want to be happy *vent*

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:26 PM
  • 5 Replies

I'm 23wks pregnant almost 24. Before i found out for sure I was pregnant I really thought after 5yrs i would need fertility treatments and help overall. I was on BC taking it at 9pm every night and I was religious about this cause I knew I wasn't just ready yetbut I love being in the groups who needed support for people who were trying so I was in all those groups. I have 2 other boys who are 4 and 5. Not to mention I'm still legally married to my soon to be ex-husband and we've been separated well over 4yrs now. I just want a divorce already and when it comes down to it I never seem to have the money for this. Anyways for whatever reason my SO asked a question one day when we were talking about kids. He tells me he's not ready yet and I full out believe him but he wants everything to be perfect. Mind you he's now 30 and I'm 26, were not getting younger or anything. In Dec 2012 I RANDOMLY got pregnant not really I was on back to back antibiotics for sinus infections which I'm guessing did cancel out my BC. Well Dec 26th I took a test and it was positive. I could not believe my eyes in any sense but my SO was just shocked. He's had bad issues with kids i guess. His first son who he thought was his turned out to not be his and had the child support removed. Well last yr in July we found out he had a almost 3yr old in NJ from a ex of his. Turns out after a dna test yep its his and yep he has to pay child support about 500 a month. Mind you we pay all the time no matter what. He's never seen his son or talked to him. Only saw 1 pic after the dna test and that's it ever. Well we went down to planned parent hood on Dec 27th which was his 30th birthday and they said that I was about 13wks pregnant. We were so shocked. He pushed for a abortion. I can't do that kinda stuff no matter what and that's just me. I'd rather do a adoption. Well turns out I was only about 5-6wks after a ultrasound on Jan 30th that put me at 12wks. So my last period was off by a lot. As it turns out we agreed on adoption and as of latley I've been doing this emotional roller coaster. I'm bi-polar and so I went on Zoloft to help with things. That's been good except the fact of the mud-butt. So I missed 2 days with all the stress we've had as of late and I never really noticed till the third day so I took my pill and had awful stomach pain for 24hrs. I could not eat or anything. I skipped the next days pill and bam I'm feeling okay. Well as it turns out I know I needed some type of anti-depressant to make sure that I stay in the right mind for everything. Since I've been off I don't want to do the adoption at all I want to keep my third son and tie my tubes. I don't want anymore kids even if my last one is not a girl. I get were not in a good place but somehow things always work out for us. He's on medical leave due to having a horrible reaction to paxil so he's home till July 1st which allows me to go to work on 3rd shift as a CNA so we will have 2 incomes. He goes in at 7am and gets out at 3:30pm I would go to work from 11pm-7am an I can take the bus or if need be he can go to work a half hour late and come home at 4. We've been trying to work all this out. I've been turned down for 2 jobs so far due to being pregnant and not working in over 3yrs. I just want to keep my son no matter what. I know my SO is scared and not happy about the turn of events but every time I talk about keeping our son his only son he will really know and be there for he says he's going to leave and why bother continuing a relationship if I cant accept what he wants. I bend for this man in every sense. I supported him for over 6months and when he found out he had to take me and the 2 boys on he was okay up till my ex-husband didn't pay child support and that's all I ever hear about. I don't know what to do and i feel like I can't really be happy about my pregnancy at all. I want to have everything with my SO I only want one more kid, 3 is my limit period. I want him to understand that. I'm just so lost confused and being off any meds is only making me a basket case 100%. 

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:26 PM
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by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:33 PM

Sounds like your going through a lot. Birth control is definately not 100% only sexual abstinance is. Hope you get things figured out one way or another, and you decide on a better birth control in the future so that your not put through this again!!
Good Luck! Hun

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:18 PM

Sounds like HE is the one who likes to take off when kids come up. He's a selfish jerk. Do you really want him if he's really threatening to take off if you have and keep his kid? I wonder how many other females have heard that same mess out his mouth. I'm sorry about your situation all the way around but you need to get to the courthouse and get support for your first two kids, prepare for your SO to disappear and get ready to file for child support for your child with him, and then after the baby is born work on getting back on your feet and supporting yourself. 

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:39 PM

It sounds like in order to get what you want you're going to have to be tough. It must be stressful and emotional, especially being pregnant, but in my opinion, you need to go to court to get child support for your first two, and from him if he decides to leave. You have every right to keep your baby and you shouldn't be emotionally bullied to do otherwise. But you're going to have to stand up for yourself and fight for what you want. Good luck!

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:52 PM
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adoption, just like abortion, is a very personal thing and isn't for have to think about what this will do to you mentally in the long run.  Will you mourn for a bit and be able to have a life again or do you feel that keeping this baby in the long run is for the better.  Put aside what he's saying.....what do YOU want?? because in the end you are going to have to give birth to him and do you want to take him home or can you give him to people who will love him too and give him a good home?  and while every man has a right to say his opinion, he's a grown man and birth control didn't happens.  if he wants to be a family with you then he needs to step up his game.  I'm preg. with my 4th son and NOOOO is was NOT planned but my man is standing by my side...we are both to blame and we do really great together, will this put pressure on us? sure but life gives you what it gives you, you know?  I hope everythings turns ok hun.  ((hugs))

CafeMom Tickers
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 12:01 AM

No advise just sending love vibes your way. It will all work out. You'll look back at this oneday and say, it was so worth it. Keep on chugg'n. 

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