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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Is this YOUR baby...

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM
  • 84 Replies
5 moms liked this

Is baby in your belly YOUR baby? or you and your SOs baby jointly? (i hope that makes sense)

reason I ask is... I was so surprised reading the replies to my other post where most people basically said "who cares what your DH thinks. kick him out/tell him to F off and do whatever you want."

Could you IMAGINE if your SO was on a man's website and they told him "who cares what your wife wants. you're the man. lay down the law and tell her how it will be!" ???

Maybe its just me, but DH and I are BOTH this child's parents and we BOTH have a right to say what will happen. If one of us were abusive or some such thing, that would obviously be different. but when we both have our family's best interests in mind... why in the world would I tell him that he has no say just because I'm the one doing the pushing?

So... am I the only one who thinks this way? What are your thoughts/opinions. In labor is it "What I say goes" or does your SO have a say too?

 

and p.s. thank you to those of you who politely suggested that I should get him to read/watch videos to be better educated. I got an excellent book from the library and tabbed the spots I wanted to share with him. I told him "I know you just want what is best for baby and I 100% appreciate that. I want what's best for baby too. I would love to--sometime later this week--share with you some of what I've been reading so you can better understand my perspective and why I truly think these things are best" and he agreed to listen.

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JadeTigr7
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:43 PM

I take my husband's feelings and opinions into consideration when it comes to my pregnancy and my births, but ultimately I do what I feel the most comfortable with.

My husband didn't have a say when I decided I wouldn't be going back to a hospital to give birth, and would be having a homebirth instead.  He knew that though before we got pregnant again, and while he was anxious about the situation he was supportive.

My husband though is very much a believer that I need to make the decisions concering my labor/birth because I'm the one doing it and that his job IS to be supportive in whatever I need, no matter his opinion on the subject. 

doulala
by Emerald Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:49 PM

I agree with you.     You do have the say in the end, as I mentioned- but it's SO MUCH nicer to arrive there together!!
I wish (some of those) husbands could be more open and understanding, sympathetic.     If THEY aren't the ones coping through labor then I think they should be working to help their women better.

NoraDun
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:52 PM

I agree. I don't agree with the whole "Women are better then Men, Our body our rights!" Crap. My Hubby and I are in a marraige together. We have children together, we both are a part of all decisions made. I would never say my body, my choice, or whatever. Its cruel!

To answer your questioned we are expecting, we are pregnant, these are our children, and this is our 4th baby!! We are in a marraige where we believe biblically we became one, and everything is we. Not me, my, or I! Good Luck Hun

brittany208
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:58 PM

I do take his feelings into consideration, but I don't think he realizes it. I won't be having a homebirth or a water birth because I know he would be too uncomfortable with them (and it isn't that big of a deal to me. i think they are awesome, but I'm not sad at all to not have one). I am seeing the ob/gyn we had with our first.  but I dont bother talking about these things, since there isnt really much to talk about, so i dont know if he realizes it.

and my DH knows that I am going to get my way. he has said that. i just dont feel like i have the right to tell him all the things everyone was saying I should say.

At least your DH knew going in, that's good. so he wasn't completely opposed and you didnt put your foot down, so to speak


Quoting JadeTigr7:

I take my husband's feelings and opinions into consideration when it comes to my pregnancy and my births, but ultimately I do what I feel the most comfortable with.

My husband didn't have a say when I decided I wouldn't be going back to a hospital to give birth, and would be having a homebirth instead.  He knew that though before we got pregnant again, and while he was anxious about the situation he was supportive.

My husband though is very much a believer that I need to make the decisions concering my labor/birth because I'm the one doing it and that his job IS to be supportive in whatever I need, no matter his opinion on the subject. 


 

doulala
by Emerald Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:59 PM
Quoting NoraDun:

I agree. I don't agree with the whole "Women are better then Men, Our body our rights!" Crap. My Hubby and I are in a marraige together. We have children together, we both are a part of all decisions made. I would never say my body, my choice, or whatever. Its cruel!

To answer your questioned we are expecting, we are pregnant, these are our children, and this is our 4th baby!! We are in a marraige where we believe biblically we became one, and everything is we. Not me, my, or I! Good Luck Hun

But he is not INside YOUR body, which should be taken into account if he doesn't respect what is best for you, in your own opinion.
When we are working to cope we are dealing with the history of whatever set us up for this moment; our upbringing and exposure, instilling confidence/fears.      We do need to stand up for what is right for OUR bodies, too--   if that conflicts with what any external loved-one *or even staff) feels.

brittany208
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 yes! that's what I really wanted. someone suggested I just not tell him ahead of time, and he wouldn't argue with me in labor. but i want him to know what I want so he can be my support person and help me. I want him to understand why it is important to me so it is important to him to. So if the nurses or drs say something different, he will stick up for me because he knows WHY its important, not just that its what I "feel like."

My DH is absolutely wonderful in that he would do anything for me and for our family. I know he wants what is best for us. I just have to convince him (and quick!) that the things I want really are best. that they aren't silly.

Like the first time, he kept telling me to get an epidural the whole time. Not because he didn't care that I was adamant that I didnt want one or that he didnt want to support me. but because he hates seeing me in pain and if all I need is some drugs and then I'm not suffering anymore... then why not? take them! but of course there are lots of reasons to not have one. that I know about, but he may not know.


 

Quoting doulala:

I agree with you.     You do have the say in the end, as I mentioned- but it's SO MUCH nicer to arrive there together!!
I wish (some of those) husbands could be more open and understanding, sympathetic.     If THEY aren't the ones coping through labor then I think they should be working to help their women better.

 

 


 

spitfire.mommy
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I guess my situation is different. I'm not with my babys father. And his rights will be terminated after birth pending a paternity test (long story). So yes this is MY baby. Not OUR baby. What *I* say goes when it comes to everything. But if I was with my babys father then things would deffinantly be different. I would want his opinon/support on every decision I made concerning our child(ren).
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brittany208
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:05 PM

AMEN and thank you!!!!!

I will admit that I completely suck at the being respectful and not always having to have my own way, but I'm trying! I recognize and understand that it is important, even if i constantly forget and screw up in that way ALL the time!  


Quoting NoraDun:

I agree. I don't agree with the whole "Women are better then Men, Our body our rights!" Crap. My Hubby and I are in a marraige together. We have children together, we both are a part of all decisions made. I would never say my body, my choice, or whatever. Its cruel!

To answer your questioned we are expecting, we are pregnant, these are our children, and this is our 4th baby!! We are in a marraige where we believe biblically we became one, and everything is we. Not me, my, or I! Good Luck Hun


 

doulala
by Emerald Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:05 PM

I don't recall--   do you have a doula or other advocate attending your labor?

brittany208
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:07 PM

 Yes! you are exempt from this rant! In your situation, things are different. But for women who are married to good men as part of a family unit... It is NOT just the mother having the baby... the whole family is having the baby. The mother is just the one who gets the priviledge of carrying baby and pushing baby out.

Quoting spitfire.mommy:

I guess my situation is different. I'm not with my babys father. And his rights will be terminated after birth pending a paternity test (long story). So yes this is MY baby. Not OUR baby. What *I* say goes when it comes to everything. But if I was with my babys father then things would deffinantly be different. I would want his opinon/support on every decision I made concerning our child(ren).


 

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