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Fathers rights during pregnancy when not married to mother?

Posted by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:06 PM
  • 29 Replies
My ex left me a little over a month ago..he wanted the breakup. Things have been rocky as i was unsure of we'd be getting back together, and ive still been allowing him to go to appointments and such. Today we found out the sex of the baby, and we talked some and what it came down to was he is over me and is happy for it to be just him and his son...which killed me. I told him to get over him and control my emotions and be ok for the babys sake im asking to not see him until the baby is born as being around him makes things worse and i need time to heal. He then said he would take me to court to get joint custody and be able to go to appontments. This man has put me throuh hell and i just want to stop stressing out, its gotten to the point where i cant eat and that affects the baby. I understand why hed be a little upset but i dont think its horrible being what hes doing to me. We were never married however he is still in the middle of a divorce from his last ex, and he has no other children. Does anyone know what rights he has in the state of Arizona?
by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:06 PM
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by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:22 PM
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I dont think he has any rights. Because he can't prove that the baby is actually his until baby is out and he gets a paternity test done.

i dont know that i would be throwing obstacles in his way left and right though. a dad who wants to be involved in his son's life---that's a good thing! lots of women WISH their baby's daddies were like that.

by on May. 22, 2013 at 7:24 PM
He could file for custody, but it would be on hold until dna test.
by Amber on May. 22, 2013 at 7:25 PM

He can't get anything done in court until after the baby is born and paternity is established.

by Gold Member on May. 22, 2013 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this

He has no rights until the baby is born.
It is NOT up to him and no judge will force you to allow him to be at the appointments or even at the birth.
And you're not even required to put his last name for the can put your's if you want.

by on May. 22, 2013 at 9:43 PM

He can't take you to court for custody while you're pregnant.  And he definitely can't go in front of a judge saying "Force her to allow me at doctor's appointments".  He has no clue what he's talking about.  On top of that a paternity test has to be given before he can TRY & get custody.  And it is very hard for a mom to lose custody of a child unless there is really good reason proven to the judge.  

by on May. 22, 2013 at 9:44 PM

no rights until he proves the child is his. do not sign the paternity affidavit after the baby is born [itll be in between all the hospital papers asking you to sign off for various things like hep b shot, circumcision, fact, you may as well not sign those last two either ;P].

i know its hard to deal with emotional trauma due to him leaving you but still wanting to see his son. but at this point you need to think about your son. he deserves to have an active father in his life even if that doesnt connect with you. i feel that as long as he provides to you child support, good parenting, and a general good attitude and helpfulness, then he should have access to his son. no over nights, of course [the court wont even allow that for a long time if you are breastfeeding].

i am going through a separation with my husband. he wants absolutely nothing to do with me and will even act rudely towards me in front of our daughter. but i still drop her off so she can see him and so he can see her. the lack of respect he has for me has nothing to do with our daughter. 

by Platinum Member on May. 22, 2013 at 9:54 PM
3 moms liked this

Your probably not gonna like my response, very few people these days do. But my personal belief this baby is just much his as yours. I dont like hearing the "Well the mother carry's the baby" bull crap. Because in my opinion its crap. You laid down and had sex with someone you weren't in a commited relationship. (Commitment being commited to a lifetime together, and a family) Because you created life with someone this way, you are both liable in equal ways. I don't know the rights for your state, but I would assume if he is financially stable, with good living arrangments, then he has rights to atleast partial custody as the child is half is. If you are in any way deemed unfit, then he may be able to file for full custody (although in most cases states prefer mother's have atleast partial custody unless extremely unstable) Its a risk you take when you have a child out of wedlock (or even in wedlock these days due to the devoirce rate) Sorry hun, hope things work out for you! I would suggest seeing a family lawyer now to find out what steps you will need to take etc. Although I am not sure anything can be done until child is born!

by on May. 22, 2013 at 9:55 PM
1 mom liked this

He can't get joint custody while your pregnant. His an idiot Hun take a breather for your self go get your nails done or go out with the girls.. Trust me girl time a trash talking about him will make the worlds diffrence.. Also if your almost due. I would start putting in for child support 

by Ruby Member on May. 23, 2013 at 2:05 PM

Quoting Pandapanda:

He can't get anything done in court until after the baby is born and paternity is established.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 31, 2013 at 10:57 AM
Thank you for all the replies. I do want to do what is best for my son, which is a little cloudy right now. It got to the point where he was calling me yelling and screaming at me and harrassing me (on Mothers Day for instance!) telling me im not allowed to go out with his son (i went to a bar for a friends graduation and sat outside all night away from smoke and loud music and drank harmful!!) and telling me im not trying hard enough to get a job which he has no idea all my bills are behind im stressed as it is! Calling me all the names in the book and just being really mean. He is now in anger management as he also punched a metal door at work and broke his hand! Im 18 weeks now and i know a lot can happen before the baby is born but from the way hes been acting i dont trust him alone with a baby...hes too angry. But i hope he cleans up cause i do want him in his sons life..i just cant see him now and am not allowing him to appointments. I had to shut his cell phone off so he would stop harrassing me! This is just a nightmare. Thanks for all the advice everyone
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