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Help ! Please :(

Posted by on May. 31, 2013 at 11:55 PM
  • 20 Replies
To make my story short today I found out I'm pregnant I'm about 3 or 4 weeks. I'm 18 married and have an 8 month old son. My husband and I live in his moms house and we both have jobs he's part time but sometimes gets no hours at all and mines only seasonal. My husband thinks its better if we don't have the baby because we can't give him or her a good life we can barely make it through with our son and us. I don't want to but it seems like that might be the best choice. I'm losing it here I need help I want to pour in tears I'm trying to stay strong :( please help me !
by on May. 31, 2013 at 11:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
NoraDun
by Platinum Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:02 AM
6 moms liked this

What are you looking for sweetie? Do you want someone to make you feel like termination is a better choice??

I personally believe every child is meant to be, and a child is alive from the moment of conception. I believe abortion is wrong. There is adoption as an option, or you can trust the Lord to provide, get better jobs, and make it work. Honestly your situation kinda reminds me of a short story I read I will post below (and probably get grief about, but to me it makes perfect since) Anyway if I was in your situation I would be devastated that my Husband suggested not having the child he and I created, and I would fight to do the opposite. But you have to do what is best for you, and whatever you will be able to live with the rest of your life. If you abort this baby what happens the next time you get pregnant, or the next time. Will you use abortion as a birth control? I would sit down with your Hubby and discuss your feelings and decide what you think is best! Good Luck Hun!

P.s. here is the short story:

A Doctor's Wisdom on Abortion

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: "Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even one year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together."

The doctor said: "Ok, and what do you want me to do?"

She said: "I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this."

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady:

"I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you, too." She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: "You see, in order for you not to have to take care of two babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the second one is born. If we're going to kill one of them anyway, it really doesn't matter which one it is, does it? There would be no risk for your body if you chose to kill the one in your arms."

The woman was horrified and said: "No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!"

"I agree", the doctor replied. "But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that might be the best solution."

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same! Realizing this was true, the woman withdrew her request and soon found the love and support she needed at a local Church and Pregnancy Care Center. The mother and child are both alive and well today.

"Love cannot remain by itself -- it has no meaning. Love has to be put into action, and that action is service." — Mother Teresa

lovebugs_mom906
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:10 AM
2 moms liked this
I can't tell you what you should do, or shouldn't do. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it's a decision you could live with. If you're having this many doubts now, how will you feel if you went through with termination? Just something to think about. Good luck with ever you choose to do.
MalloryR
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:20 AM
Exactly, couldn't have said it better. Good luck on making your decision!

Quoting lovebugs_mom906:

I can't tell you what you should do, or shouldn't do. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it's a decision you could live with. If you're having this many doubts now, how will you feel if you went through with termination? Just something to think about. Good luck with ever you choose to do.
shortcake82418
by Bronze Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:53 AM
2 moms liked this

I had two kids close in age and when i was young and also broke. i ended up moving in with my parents and everything worked out fine. i'm married now and expecting number three. it was hard at the time, but it all worked out. my two kids are meant to be, they are great brothers. my second son is such a sweet blessing...he always makes sure i feel loved...giving me hugs, ect. if i'd followed the worlds advice i'd have gotten an abortion. but i followed my heart. in the end, what's meant to be happens. money is a poor reason for ending a life...whether it be suicide, abortion, ect. whether or not you keep the baby, you'll have some financial issues at least for a while. in the end money doesn't make you happy, family does.

CafeMom Tickers
rfhsure
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 1:30 AM
2 moms liked this

If my doctor said some shit like that to me, especially with a smug, self righteous smile I'd punch her in the boob and find a new one.


anyway, abort, don't abort, do what you want to do. If you genuinely want this baby and know you can make it work, do it. If you don't want to carry this baby to full term and endure the risks of a pregnancy just to hand them to someone else, don't do it. If you don't want to have an abortion, don't do it.

Being 18 with an 8 month old, and not having financial stability, it makes sense that he might say that. You're not stable enough to care for one child, your body certainly isn't ready for another, and on top of that, yours is only 8 months old. He still needs a lot of attention from you at this stage in his life that you won't be able to give with a newborn to take care of as well.

However, your situation might be manageable, I don't know. The bottom line is you have to do what's best for your child. Not just what's best for you, but for the baby you already have. Whatever that ends up being, that's what you need to do.

Quoting NoraDun:

What are you looking for sweetie? Do you want someone to make you feel like termination is a better choice??

I personally believe every child is meant to be, and a child is alive from the moment of conception. I believe abortion is wrong. There is adoption as an option, or you can trust the Lord to provide, get better jobs, and make it work. Honestly your situation kinda reminds me of a short story I read I will post below (and probably get grief about, but to me it makes perfect since) Anyway if I was in your situation I would be devastated that my Husband suggested not having the child he and I created, and I would fight to do the opposite. But you have to do what is best for you, and whatever you will be able to live with the rest of your life. If you abort this baby what happens the next time you get pregnant, or the next time. Will you use abortion as a birth control? I would sit down with your Hubby and discuss your feelings and decide what you think is best! Good Luck Hun!

P.s. here is the short story:

A Doctor's Wisdom on Abortion

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: "Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even one year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together."

The doctor said: "Ok, and what do you want me to do?"

She said: "I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this."

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady:

"I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you, too." She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: "You see, in order for you not to have to take care of two babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the second one is born. If we're going to kill one of them anyway, it really doesn't matter which one it is, does it? There would be no risk for your body if you chose to kill the one in your arms."

The woman was horrified and said: "No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!"

"I agree", the doctor replied. "But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that might be the best solution."

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same! Realizing this was true, the woman withdrew her request and soon found the love and support she needed at a local Church and Pregnancy Care Center. The mother and child are both alive and well today.

"Love cannot remain by itself -- it has no meaning. Love has to be put into action, and that action is service." — Mother Teresa


julainepw
by Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 9:03 PM
I couldn't personally have an abortion unless there was some serious problem (not viable). It will be tough but I would keep it or possibly consider adoption. Use the experience as a lesson to be much more careful in the future. There are a lot of bc options available. Good luck :)
jojo_star
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 9:09 PM

If you want an abortion, then have one. Your body, your choice. If you don't feel like you could live with that, then don't. I've had an abortion, if you have any questions or want to talk, feel free to message me any time. But please, whatever you do, make sure it truly is YOUR choice, because you are the one who has to live with it. I had a 3 year old when I made the choice to abort, part of it was that I couldn't afford another child, that it would have made life awful for both kids and for me. You are the one who has to live with what you decide, no matter what you decide. And that 'doctor's wisdom' the first poster said? That is crap. No medical professional would say that, they'd lose their license. You have to decide if you personally feel that it is true or not. I don't. Anyway. good luck and hugs!

carla916
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 9:21 PM

i say keep the baby

babyfish0511
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 9:33 PM
I know this must be hard for you hun. Personally, I don't agree w abortion unless it's the only thing that will save a mother or babys life. I think adoption is a much better alternative. So many people can't conceive so adoption is an awesome avenue to take. No matter what you chose to do I will say a prayer for you and I hope things work out for you!
EThompson
by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 9:37 PM

I personally got married young (15) had my first DD @ 15 and my second @ 17. they are exactly 17months apart and are best friends. abortion isn't an option for me I believe that God isn't going to give you something that you can't handle. It may not seem like it right now but you have 9months to get things straight and even if it isn't exactly where you want it when the baby is born it will all work out in the end. Who knows you could both find better jobs between now and then. I'm currently 26wks 2days along with my second child in my second marriage @ 23 I owned my own business until just a very short time ago when I decided to close it because it became more of a risk then anything. My husband is stressed because I'm due in September and expect to deliver in late August and he isn't sure about finances but I have told him it will all work out one way or the other. 

My personal advice would be to keep the baby even if you decide during the 9months that you don't want to that you want to give the baby a better life there is always the option of adoption there are lots of family's out there that the women can't have children and they want a child very badly. You could be the person to give them there dream of having the family they always wanted. 

Over all it doesn't seem to me like you really want to end this pregnancy due to financial issues so I would follow my heart talk to your husband and explain to him how you feel and the options that are available to you. There another choice other then ending the precious life that is growing inside of you that hasn't had the chance to live yet, and you have the ability to give that precious one a chance to live it.

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