Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Pregnancy Pregnancy

How do you tell your friend you don't want her in the delivery room anymore?

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 11:57 PM
  • 11 Replies
I'm due in October. One of my best friends told me it was her dream to see a baby being born. She is older and single and she won't have babies of her own. He made that comment when I first found out I was pregnant and gave her the news. This is my complete mistake: I told her she could be in the delivery room with us. Big mistake! I should have consulted with my husband first. I have had a rough pregnancy. I had a dvt at 13 weeks. Getting better though. I mention this because I have not been in the best of the moods and I have no energy. I'm on blood thinners and they will switch me to a different medication when I deliver. It seems to me there's so much to worry about the day of the delivery because of my blood. Thank God baby is doing wonderful!
Going back to my friend... She hasn't been very helpful recently. She is always there and is the sweetest person. But I just learned that in stressful moments she looses it. She is the type of person who would say thins like: "I have been so worried about you, I cry a lot because of all you've been going through". Does that help? I am the one calming her down all the time when the one going through this is me!! Do you want someone like that in the delivery room with you?
How do I tell her we don't want to share that moment with her without hurting her feelings. On top of that she is very sensitive. Sorry it got so long.
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 11:57 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Dee0886
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Have the nurse tell her, thats how I got my grandma out lol

Kellileanne
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM

With possible bleeding issues will they let her in since she isn't family?  I'm not sure the hospital policy/your OB's preference but some only allow 1 person and only immediate family for high risk births.

Leila0907
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:01 AM
Just nicely tell her it is an experience that you feel should only be between you and DH... If she is a true friend she will respect your wishes.. Good luck! She sounds sensitive, but you have to think what is gonna make you happy
MacMamaof5
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:04 AM

I'd combine this with the telling her it's best if it's just you and hubby.  Then have the nurses play police (they love that stuff).  Being that it's high risk birthing, she should get over her sensitivity...but do it quick so it can give her time to mourn since you're more than likely going to have to console her for the disappointment.  But NO, I could NOT have a person like that around me.  I was thinking about uninviting my sister-in-law cause she is very bossy.  She's never had an experience with children either and I don't want anyone who does not understand my pain to be anywhere near me except my husband (since he's part of the reason I am in pain in the first place...lol).  I remember the last time I was in labor around her when my water broke and my pain came immediately, she said "well, this is what you asked for wasn't it?"  I can't deal with no smart comments like this and am liable to say something to break her down.  I don't want that memory on my child's birthday.  I know you want only good memories, right?  Then do what your gut says and don't give in.

Quoting Kellileanne:

With possible bleeding issues will they let her in since she isn't family?  I'm not sure the hospital policy/your OB's preference but some only allow 1 person and only immediate family for high risk births.

 

mrssummerlin
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:09 AM

Just suck it up and tell her no. She's a big girl and can handle it. 

Mrs.Andrews
by Mandy on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I think you need to tell her that you and your husband talked and that he wants it to be just the 2 of you in the room. Also that because this has been a complicated pregnancy, you need to be prepared for anything and having extra people will make that difficult. If she gets upset, you just need to tell her sorry, but this has been decided and leave it at that.

-Mommy-2-Three-
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 3:12 AM

I'd just tell her flat out, its your baby, your experience & I'd just be honest, I had my BFF in the room with me for #1 & 2 but not #3/4 & I was there with her for #2/3 but not #1/4 & its no big deal, we just prefered different things at different times, like with both our 4th now we want for once it to be JUST us & our DHs since they are our last babies. I feel like if she is a good friend she should understand that it isn't person & its just what it is.

You could pull the 'nurse card' but I think it'd mean more & be an easier let down coming form you........just be honest.

luckyme7
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:54 AM
Tell her that you are sorry and that you changed your mind. This should be about making it comfortable for you and not about your friend.

Go with "it's not you, it's me routine". Always lets down a person easy :)

Also a good friend would understand.
NDADanceMom
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 7:28 AM
Next time she is having a fit and you are comforting her tell her that this is the sort of behavior that has led you to the decision that she should not be in the room.
Explain that her behavior is stressful and catching her in the middle of it will make it hard to argue with.
g5em
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 8:16 AM
Good point. I will look into it. Besides her behavior, this is the perfect excuse to keep her out of it.


Quoting Kellileanne:

With possible bleeding issues will they let her in since she isn't family?  I'm not sure the hospital policy/your OB's preference but some only allow 1 person and only immediate family for high risk births.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)