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I am 33 weeks pregnant and I am feeling very depressed because........(advice)

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 1:52 PM
  • 8 Replies

I waited ten and a half months for my husband to get home from overseas...we planned to have our baby on his two weeks back home....We got married when he got home for good. I was about 20 weeks when we got married. Anyways now he is home and has PTSD and also has had depression issues his whole life (which no one bothered to tell me,( because they said he seemed happy with me and they didnt think he would go back into his depression stage) I have been through hell and back with everything. We were going to counseling at the VA by where we were living, but one day we had this arguement and he told me that he can find a woman who can deal with his PTSD alot better then I do. (I have tried and tried to be there for him, I love this man.....I took vows with this man, and they were for better or for worse.) So when he said that he can find someone else I lost it. I told him "Good luck and while your at it, try finding someone who is going to wait a year for you to get home from overseas too, cause it wont be easy) After he said that to me I went to the backroom and started packing a few of my things. He came back in anger and said "Fine, you want to pack, I'll GLADLY help you. (I was in tears) and then he looked right at me and said "and give me those rings back (my wedding rings) because you dont even deserve to wear those on your hand!"  I was always faithful to him, always. Anyways, he never wanted me to lay with him, to hold him, we barely kissed, and he never wanted to even put his hand on my stomach to feel OUR baby kick. He always got too impatient and took it off and went and watched TV. And this is after we got married. He told me "Its like that baby is all that you can comprehend.) I was speachless when he said that to me. He was verbally abusing me through his words, but never called me names, he just said that I couldnt do the simplest tasks and he was always rude to me. I know he sounds like an asshole, but i've always let it slide because he was diagnosed with PTSD from being overseas.

Needless to say i am living at home with my parents now, He wants a divorce. I am 33 weeks pregnant. (I've been back home for about 3 months now) and no word from him, except a text from him saying he has a lawyer and he is taking me to court for custody and for the divorce. He told me to get out. And now he wont even except my phonecalls, texts or anything. He is really rude. I am falling into a depression lately because I just want my family to be together. I want him to be ok and I just keep hoping that this PTSD counseling will get him just the help he needs. (He only goes one time a week though for counseling.) Im hoping that when the baby is born he will come around. I am a strong woman, but this all is just tearing me right apart. I cry out of nowhere becasue of this all. I am trying every single day to pull myself together for my daughter. She needs me and she is my main priority. I cant even explain how much this is all hurting me. I did nothing at all to deserve this. Please ladies, I need advice.

by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 1:52 PM
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Replies (1-8):
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 2:14 PM
Oooh momma I'm so sorry. I hope you DH finds the help he truthfully needs. Keep your head up and know this truly isn't your fault!!

It may be a good idea for you to continue counceling. Just so you have a secure place to breakdown with someone that can help you pull back together. As hard as it may be tell your OB too. Its important that they monitor your emotional wellbeing too.

Go do somethings for You. Go shopping for baby, get your hair done anything. This is hard (I kicked h out at 22 weeks. Now 37 and just Maybe fixing things) I know!! You've gotta gt your mind on the future and your sweet baby! Not douchebag dady (bc regardless of ptsd he's still being shitty and you don't deserve that)

Keep your head up
by Platinum Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 2:15 PM

I am sorry, it takes a tough woman to be able to stick it out with a man who has served. Some can handle it and some cant! No advice other then do the best you can through the devoirce and the custody. I would assume he will get partial as he is the father, but I am not sure!

by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 2:23 PM

Number one counseling through the military doesn't work let alone plain counseling does NOT work for PTSD. The ONLY type of therapy that truly works for it is Occupational type of therapy. They have retreats for people with PTSD and family members to go to and get help. I have PTSD and not from the military. It is hard to find a spouse that can handle it let alone trying to handle it on your own as well. Is he taking medication for it? Some people with it do to help stable their moods, especially anger. I recommend going to him, sitting him down calmly and pouring your heart out to him. Tell him that you love him and that you would like to seek out some real help for the PTSD. That you want to support him and be there for him. You can also research it online and learn ways for yourself to cope with it along with ways he can cope with it. If he thinks that it is all on you and that you are the only one that should deal with it then he is WAY WRONG. 

PTSD is nothing to mess with..especially in men. My strongest advice is to try to keep yourself and your emotions calm while talking with him about this. By staying "objective" and unemotional it will help wonders. It is hard to do as a woman let alone as a pregnant woman but trust me when I say it works. Instead of giving in and letting it defeat you take charge of the situation instead. You can do it. 

Along with living with PTSD since a child, I also am in school for Psychology. I have taken an Abnormal Psychology class and studied all about this. It is seriosly no joke. So if you have any questions or need someone to vent to or whatever feel free to message me. 

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 2:23 PM
Hugs my dear. I am sending you hugs because I don't have the words that will help you and your family. Hugs.
by on Jul. 7, 2013 at 12:20 PM
You are strong enough to get through this... no matter what the outcome is for you and your husband. Just stay strong for you and that beautiful baby of yours. Only time can tell on the rest. :)
by Amber on Jul. 7, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Get ahold of his CO and let him know what's going on. He needs help. 

by Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 1:05 PM

If he won't talk to you, there's not a lot you can do. My suggestion is to lawyer-up and protect yourself and your baby. If he's already been violent in his words to you, there's a chance he could be violent in his actions to you - especially since (unfortunately) he has PTSD. I suffer from it, not from military action, but from domestic violence, and Ive been safe for almost 3 years. I'm married and have a baby on the way, and I've had counseling, and it helps to deal with some of the stuff, but it doesn't make the attacks go away. However, in none of my PTSD attacks have I ever asked my husband to go away. That's not PTSD, that's just assholishness. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this, and you know, it's normal to grieve the loss of the relationship. I will tell you this - there is someone out there who is way better for you and your child. Someone who would LOVE to have a family and who would never treat you like that. For right now though, focus on making sure you're taken care of through the divorce and focus on keeping him from getting custody. He sounds unstable, and the baby could be in danger with him. (And it's unlikely, if he has diagnosed PTSD,that he will get custody anyway). Let yourself cry - that's normal! You've been through emotional hell! But also surround yourself with friends and loved ones and a support network. Hang in there! (I did it alone with my now almost 15-year old for most of his life. He's an awesome kid. 

by on Jul. 9, 2013 at 1:26 PM

Thank you all so much for writing and giving me your thoughts and opinions. I am getting stronger as the time goes on and you ladies have been a huge part in that. They are right when they say that woman are strong and that we can get through anything. Thank you all once again. I am 34 weeks on sunday and I cant wait to have my little girl. As for her dad, he is still the same.

Im moving forward........thank you all once again. I really appreciate it. This site is great. :)

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