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Pregnancy Pregnancy

baby daddy drama

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:58 AM
  • 23 Replies
I'm 7 months pregnant and I'm now having issues with my boyfriend. He tells me he has lost his emotions towards everything including me and our kids... he is a foster child and has never been in touch with his emotions much anyways. He says he dosnt love us... but he wants to be here for us. I feel like I need help, but is it worth the emotional strain on me and my daughter and soon to be son? And are there any ways to fix this relationship?
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MacMamaof5
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Ask him what his expectations are for providing for his family.  Make him state what he feels his obligations are and write them down.  Have him sign them (if it was me, it would be notarized, too--just sayin').  Then ask him what his expectations from you are supposed to be.  Make sure you notify that he will be held accountable legally and file some paperwork.  Just let him know that you are making a stand and can not make him have feelings for you, but you did not lay down and have children on your own.  Now that there are children in the picture, he's going to have to let his past be healed and get some counselling preferably.  You are pregnant, and no, the emotional rollercoaster is a NO NO.  Concentrate on what YOU CAN do, what you CAN control.  ANd all that would be is you, your reaction, and your action toward your children.  Let him have some space to think about how life would be without you and that you can handle raising these kids, but you should not ever stand for him bowing out of his responsibilities just because he "lost his emotions".  What is that?  You choose to LOVE.  Love is action, not only feelings.

skyler2013
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:22 AM
That's how I feel! But I'm just unsure if I would be honestly better off on my own. :/
I hate feeling like this because I grew up without a father and my children don't deserve that
skyler2013
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:23 AM
How can I legally bind him to being there for the children?
MacMamaof5
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:30 AM

Two words.  Child support.  You can file it if he's just your boyfriend and there's a threat of him not contributing...but please don't quote me.  I don't have personal experience with this...so hopefully a mother who has had this can help you, but I can tell you, YOU CAN do this on your own if you had to.  It's all about conquering life's happenings in your head first.  Like I said, you can't control anything but what's on your end...if you have to FIGHT to get him, you will be fighting for the rest of your life to keep him.  He might just be getting cold feet, but if you give him the chance to let him decide for himself what he wants, then perhaps it will allow him to see that you are indeed THE ONE for him.  I just hope he does stay in your children's lives cause they definitely deserve it...and you do, too.

skyler2013
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:33 AM
i just worry because i have barely any support system.
MacMamaof5
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:43 AM

And you don't have to go without him.  I didn't say up and leave...I say to prepare and ground yourself to keep your focus on taking care of you and your children so it will allow him to decide without pressure to "man up".  You stated in your post he did WANT to be there for the fam, right?  Just wasn't connected emotionally.  Emotions change.  I hope it's for the better with you two.

hugs

skyler2013
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:47 AM
thank you for all of the advice... it really helps :)
Beebella
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:52 AM
How many kids do you have together? I worked in foster care for many years as a case worker and being a foster kid definitely has damaging effects on a child's self esteem and self worth. They grow up learning not to attach themselves to anything or anyone and become hardened to things. Some of the kids would face tragedies and wouldn't even cry because they were so used to bad things happening to them. When something good would happen, they found ways to destroy it so they could go back to being miserable. They couldn't accept that anyone wanted to help them or care about them. They always thought if a person was nice it was a scam. It used to break my heart because their innocence gets ripped from them. I would urge you both to go to counseling. Even if you break up you have to remain cordial for the kids sake. Just remind him what it's like not to have the love and support of a parent and that he wouldn't want his kids to go through what he went through. He definitely needs counseling and to get in touch with his feelings of anger and resentment.
skyler2013
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:56 AM
He said today that not having parents made him stronger so I'm not sure he would feel anything... he has learned to mask anything he feels.
skyler2013
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:57 AM
We are expecting our second in October
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