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Pregnancy Pregnancy

do you get great support from your SO/DH?

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 7:35 AM
  • 25 Replies

i ask this because i feel so alone in this. i'm 30w4d and for the life of me i can't seem to get any help, understanding, support anything. this preg wasnt planned but we were being careless. he has 2 teenage boys so i thought that maybe he wld be more understanding...NOPE! i can't get any help around the house, its difficult to clean the tub of course - no help, but he has the audacity to call me EVERYDAY asking what u cook? i get up every morning at 430am for work and have a 4yr old, im tired, no help but im supposed to have a hot meal on the stove waiting for him every night. im sorry, i cant. he say he works harder everyday so he shldnt have to clean. does he work hard? yea, but does that make him exempt from doing his part? he told me the other day i need to woman up and stop all the complaining and just deal with the aches n pains! really?! of course at this point, i will admit to being a total bitch twd him. i hear from other ppl that his excited about his son coming, but he has yet to share his excitement with me. lately i've been looking to move before baby get here but he cant seem to understand why? our communication is dead (always has been), he can't seem to get his life together, has a dead end kind of job, not preparing for any kind of future and he's 36, i just can't do it anymore.

any other mamas in a situation that make you feel like ur alone??

by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 7:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JessiFaye
by Silver Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 7:42 AM
I am so sorry. :( That's awful. My husband is the exact opposite. He hardly lets me lift a finger and is constantly making sure I'm okay and don't need his help with anything. Have you sat down with him and explained how much this hurts you and that growing a human being is hard work? I know you say your communication is dead... it's so important to work to fix that.
imjustme28
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 7:45 AM

before getting preg, i've tried to express that i need partnership period! it goes in one ear ad out the other. so esp now that i need him more than ever, he still doesnt understand, so honestly, i've shut down. i can't keep speaking to a brick wall. other ppl hv tried to explain it to him as well, he still doesnt get it. with my daughter father, he was great, i didnt hv to lift a finger and every woman deserves support like that. whether ur preg r not. i believe every man shld be as supportive as your husband.

Autumn19
by Ruby Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 10:56 AM

 the first time around not so much but with the second he did everything for me.

Maybe you guys could try some counseling.

livingforthem83
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I am sorry that your husband is treating you this way. My husband has been great.
fairygirl_13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this
i think you should show him this post. you are not bashing, name calling or really saying anything bad, but you got out exactly what you needed too. and he should be helping. also, there is a video of a few guys on electro stimulated contraction macinhes, and while not the same as all the pains and crappyness of pregnancy, maybe him seeing that guys could not handle it period would change his tune some?

also, stop cooking and cleaning unless its you or your 4 year old needing something. :)
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NoraDun
by Platinum Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Was he helpful before the pregnancy?? If not I wouldn't expect that to change after pregnancy! Some men just aren't understanding! You can try to talk with him and see if it helps, otherwise you may just have to deal. I am sorry hun!! Hope he gets it straight before baby is born!

sparklebug86
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Honestly I would just tell him how terrible he is making you feel because he should be more supportive. 

I will say this though, in our house, I clean, cook, take care of our 2 kids, watch another kid and run our computer shop. My husband works really hard to provide for us so I try not to bug him with the day to day stuff. HOWEVER, he still has his duties such as washing the cars, gassing them up, cutting our 1 acre of land, maintenance of the house, spending time with his kids etc etc. 

Everyone has a job to do no matter what life has thrown at you. Pregnancy is super tough sometimes and extremely uncomfortable but life cant stop because of it KWIM? 

Ill be honest though, if you arent married to him, I wouldnt get married. I dated a guy like that who was the same age as yours and looking back, he was a bum and im so glad I didnt have children with him, that would have been a nightmare! 

Heather2001
by Heather on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:24 AM

Sounds like he needs to man up and start taking resposibility as well as being more of a partner.

imjustme28
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:36 AM

 we're not married. we talked about it, but there was something telling me to hold off, and im glad i did. i've knwn him for 12yrs, dated for 2yrs. they say you never really know a person until u live with them, and this is so very true. the real him has shown itself.


Quoting livingforthem83:

I am sorry that your husband is treating you this way. My husband has been great.


 

imjustme28
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:42 AM

 i can completely understnd your position. you have a true partnership. you both are doing your parts to contribute to your family and household. me...nope. he works hard to pay his half of the bills and to kick his feet up and drink while i do it all. i have stopped doing as much as before because i can no longer stand it. he's a slob...marriage def isn't in this future and it bugs me thats i'm having a baby with no real support.


Quoting sparklebug86:

Honestly I would just tell him how terrible he is making you feel because he should be more supportive. 

I will say this though, in our house, I clean, cook, take care of our 2 kids, watch another kid and run our computer shop. My husband works really hard to provide for us so I try not to bug him with the day to day stuff. HOWEVER, he still has his duties such as washing the cars, gassing them up, cutting our 1 acre of land, maintenance of the house, spending time with his kids etc etc. 

Everyone has a job to do no matter what life has thrown at you. Pregnancy is super tough sometimes and extremely uncomfortable but life cant stop because of it KWIM? 

Ill be honest though, if you arent married to him, I wouldnt get married. I dated a guy like that who was the same age as yours and looking back, he was a bum and im so glad I didnt have children with him, that would have been a nightmare! 


 

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