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Pregnancy Pregnancy

House Guests after Baby- Thank you

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:24 AM
  • 107 Replies
1 mom liked this

I don't want any houseguests after we come home from the hospital.   By that I mean, overnighters.....and I don't want people just coming over unannounced.  My dh is bothered by this, he feels bad telling his mother she can't stay with us when we get home from the hospital.  His mother is traveling the same distance as everyone else, btw, both of our families live in the same area and we live about 2 hours away from them all.  It feels intrusive to me, thinking about coming home with my first new baby to have someone else staying there with us. I'm not going to want help from my mil, or anyone else.  I know a lot of people say that they felt the same and then changed their minds but I know I won't.  I'm just a very private person, people trying to help without my asking, or people seeing me struggling are just real issues for me, and I just want that time to be about us adjusting to our new family, not feeling like I need to be putting on a nice face for my guest. Am I being weird thinking that the last thing we're going to want is someone staying in our house right after we get home from the hospital? 

 

If I'm not being weird, I hope dh comes around to feeling the same once the time comes.  I don't want to ruin his first experience either, but it's really hard not to kind of dictate the situation from where I am.  :(

 

Thank you!

--I really appreciate all the support so far and for the majority of you not jumping to conclusions and making judgements about me and my relationship with dh.  It's been really hard on me because I REALLY want to make sure he has the support he needs too.  He doesn't seem to have a clear understanding of what takes place, which makes sense and hopefully our upcoming tour of the hospital will help answer any questions he has or hasn't even thought of.  He knows that I encourage him to have whoever he needs outside that hospital room and as someone who has been a supporter for a mother in labor myself, I totally understand that the supporter needs a break and their own support from time to time, too.  In case it wasn't clear before, I have nothing against guests after baby is here.  I definitely want to share the joy, I just also want the intimate space for dh and I to bond with baby without having to worry about entertaining guests the entire time.  I know not all people expect to be entertained, but my people do.  :P 

Thank you guys so much.  This is our first child and by being there for my sister's labor and delivery I was able to get a good idea of what I would like when I am in that position.  Dh is very supportive and he isn't givng me any grief at all.  I guess I am just being oversensitive about making sure his needs are met, as well.  He is being very understanding and absolutely wonderful about it.  He understands where I am coming from but we do encourage each other to express how we feel and he does feel bad about telling his mom to stay in a hotel like everyone else is doing (I do believe her d is asking they split a room).  To him it would be a problem if I was just saying no to only his mom but yes to my sisters or something, which I'm not, lol.  Nobody else is asking to stay (even the one person who will be traveling 4 hours, she'll probably be splitting a room, too) and I am not wanting anyone else to stay.  Again, thanks guys.

 group hug

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by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ammowife11
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:29 AM
I don't think it's weird to want privacy. I'm worrying about the same thing at the moment, but my family is eight hours away instead of two hours. My little sister plans on flying here when I go into labor if she can, and as much as I'dlove to have her here, I really want that time to just my little family.
maybe80
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:29 AM
I totally agree with you.

Also, I want space.... like A LOT of space. I feel the need to be selfish. I'm also ready for people to ASK us what we need. That never happens. Until it does, well.... you have no rights.

MrsKaufold1990
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:35 AM
Are you gonna hide in your house until this kid is 18?

God damn.

You dont want anyone at hospital.

Now no one at home?

And trust me youll want help from anyone who is gonna give it.

Get over yourself, people will want to come over and see new baby.

schultzal
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:40 AM
I was the same way. I am a private person, and the LAST thing I needed was someone making me feel obligated to sit and chat or make them a cup of coffee when I was recovering from labour and birth.

You're not weird, and I urge you to put your foot down now, in regard to your wishes.
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Gabrielle1982
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:41 AM
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Didn't say any of that, you kind of just exaggerated the little that you have leanred about me in my recent posts there. I don't want visitors during the labor and delivery.  Afterward is fine.  I have some super crazy family members who need to be dealt with about certain things and that is something I am concerned about.  One of those things is the idea that I need to meet some family members for the first time right after I've given birth.  But, we are even planning a big family dinner the day we come home from the hospital.  Also, I said I don't want people just dropping by unannounced.  I would prefer people to respect us enough to ask if we'd mind having company and if we are feeling awesome, then sure, if we aren't up to it, then no.

Quoting MrsKaufold1990:

Are you gonna hide in your house until this kid is 18?

God damn.

You dont want anyone at hospital.

Now no one at home?

And trust me youll want help from anyone who is gonna give it.

Get over yourself, people will want to come over and see new baby.


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schultzal
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:43 AM
Also, for me, those first few days were all about bonding and establishing a good breastfeeding relationship. This meant lots of time with baby skin to skin. Not to mention, I couldn't even walk because my tailbone was so badly bruised. Having someone other than my husband here would have just been a hinderance.
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Steph103
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:48 AM

With my daughter we had a visitor but that was it and it was not over night. This time I don't want anyone to come over till I feel good enough to entertain or at least not wanna sleep all the time. I'll be breast feeding so its gonna take a while for me to not feel sleepy I think... I don't even want this baby out of the room where I'm sleeping so that means if someone does come over they wasted their time.

MrsKaufold1990
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:48 AM
No i didnt.

You are being to the extreme.

Get a grip.

This is your first. And you live two hours away from family.

I live five mins from everyone....i wish people would be willing to help me out. And i got double.

People will stop by because thrs what they want to do and they want to see the new baby.

You might as well hide him in the closet


Quoting Gabrielle1982:

Didn't say any of that, you kind of just exaggerated the little that you have leanred about me in my recent posts there. I don't want visitors during the labor and delivery.  Afterward is fine.  I have some super crazy family members who need to be dealt with about certain things and that is something I am concerned about.  We are even planning a big family dinner the day we come home from the hospital.  Also, I said I don't want people just dropping by unannounced.  I would prefer people to respect us enough to ask if we'd mind having company and if we are feeling awesome, then sure, if we aren't up to it, then no.

Quoting MrsKaufold1990:

Are you gonna hide in your house until this kid is 18?



God damn.



You dont want anyone at hospital.



Now no one at home?



And trust me youll want help from anyone who is gonna give it.



Get over yourself, people will want to come over and see new baby.





Ultra_
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:50 AM
Ugh. I totally agree with you. I'm not considered by anyone to be private, but in this way, I just don't want "help". I never needed help with my kids. Seriously, it's not that hard. You just do it. I wasn't like geee, the pamper is wet, what do I do now? If he won't tell them, you'll have to. It sucks I know, but you only get one chance to do things. You don't want to look back in years in be frustrated about how things went and wish you could change it. See my mom has been living with us for two years. We're gonna ttc soon and I want her out by time of birth, but I'm worried it won't happen without some feelings getting hurt.
Gabrielle1982
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 4:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry.  I must disagree that you are the one being extreme in this case.  I don't know you or your family and you don't know mine.  Obviously we are just different people with different relationships with our families.  For all I know, I will totally change my mind, but I would like to have the respect of others if I don't.  And again, I will reiterate, I didn't say I don't want anyone seeing the baby at all.  Saying I don't want anyone to see him until he's 18 and hiding him in a closet is an example of you being extreme.  Again, guests when the baby is born is great, I'd like it to be just family, not people I've never met before.  We are planning a big family dinner when we get home.  And, I don't mind guests at my home just as long as they call me before ringing my doorbell.  I don't want overnight guests though.  

Quoting MrsKaufold1990:

No i didnt.

You are being to the extreme.

Get a grip.

This is your first. And you live two hours away from family.

I live five mins from everyone....i wish people would be willing to help me out. And i got double.

People will stop by because thrs what they want to do and they want to see the new baby.

You might as well hide him in the closet


Quoting Gabrielle1982:

Didn't say any of that, you kind of just exaggerated the little that you have leanred about me in my recent posts there. I don't want visitors during the labor and delivery.  Afterward is fine.  I have some super crazy family members who need to be dealt with about certain things and that is something I am concerned about.  We are even planning a big family dinner the day we come home from the hospital.  Also, I said I don't want people just dropping by unannounced.  I would prefer people to respect us enough to ask if we'd mind having company and if we are feeling awesome, then sure, if we aren't up to it, then no.

Quoting MrsKaufold1990:

Are you gonna hide in your house until this kid is 18?



God damn.



You dont want anyone at hospital.



Now no one at home?



And trust me youll want help from anyone who is gonna give it.



Get over yourself, people will want to come over and see new baby.






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