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Pregnancy Pregnancy

marriage issues during pregnancy

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:33 PM
  • 41 Replies

My current pregnancy has been overall happy but hard on my marriage and somewhat depressing in that aspect.

I've posted before but tend to get "Wow, I can't relate, my husband loves me and treats me like a goddess" over and over again as responses. :)  I'm not criticizing, and I'm happy for those women but it's maybe not exactly what I need to hear at this very moment, if that's okay!

The pregnancy was a result of my husband growing a third vas deferens after a successful vasectomy and becoming potent once again without our knowledge.  I am happy to be having another baby.

However, I am feeling someone down and lonely otherwise and was wondering if anyone had any other SO or DH issues during pregnancy they'd be willing to share?  Maybe something that was large at the time but was successfully worked through?  Of course the hormones of pregnancy don't make it easier and it's a two way street, I'm just having a hard time.

Thanks :)

*****************************

Thank you for all the heartfelt responses, I have read all of them.  I'm impressed that you can share withour hubby bashing and grateful that no one felt the need to make me feel less for having issues!

by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GreenDotsOrange
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:38 PM
Are the issues stemming from the fact that you are expecting again or are they not related to the baby at all? Dh wasn't overly excited about either pregnancy (even though they were both planned) until he felt the babies kick. It was lonely at first feeling like I was the only one who wanted our babies.
EmotionalKel
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:45 PM
I feel you I mean not the same situation but I have been married for seven years have a four year old son and am pregnant with our second son with my first pregnancy my husband was like prince charming always trying to make me happy with this one it has been aweful he works all the time and when he is home he wants pretty much nothing to do with me we don't sleep together often he usually passes out on the couch in fact he did so last night after staying up playing online games with random people all night while I waited for him to come to bed . When he is home I am definatly not his focus or concern and he is always wanting to leave and do stuff without me. Not only do I work full time bringing in more money then him I always pick our son up from school and take care of him all night because the hubby don't get home usually till after we are in bed and I do all the house work and if I complain about wanting a backrub or anything he is a jerk about it, its like I'm not allowed to want anything I could go on and on trust me but girl I know how you feel and being pregnant definatly makes usbeven more upset with out the support and effection we need men just don't get it
ReeseStrickland
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I don't know, really the issues started before.  He had stopped getting off 75% off the times we had sex and I always initiated it. He didn't want to talk about it.  Then because of a medical issue I was banned from sex until the baby is born.  I plan dates and get a sitter but he forgets them (as in forgets between 3pm and 5pm when the sitter shows up).  And I guess being older this time and tired I just generally don't feel good about myself, and I know my low self esteem is my own issue and is causing problems.  Also, found recently he had been looking up porn.  Well of course he is, and I can't even masturbate or get turned on without circulatory issues causing intense pain, and I don't expect him to sit on his hands but it still hurts whether it should or not.  I guess because I feel like there is no way back. 

I feel old and depressed and fat and ugly and generaly like I'm all used up.   A big pathetic pity party and I know it, but that is how I feel.

Quoting GreenDotsOrange:

Are the issues stemming from the fact that you are expecting again or are they not related to the baby at all? Dh wasn't overly excited about either pregnancy (even though they were both planned) until he felt the babies kick. It was lonely at first feeling like I was the only one who wanted our babies.



ReeseStrickland
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this

your belly shot is cute :)  I am sorry you're dealing with that, but it's helpful to know other people have these issues.


Quoting EmotionalKel:

I feel you I mean not the same situation but I have been married for seven years have a four year old son and am pregnant with our second son with my first pregnancy my husband was like prince charming always trying to make me happy with this one it has been aweful he works all the time and when he is home he wants pretty much nothing to do with me we don't sleep together often he usually passes out on the couch in fact he did so last night after staying up playing online games with random people all night while I waited for him to come to bed . When he is home I am definatly not his focus or concern and he is always wanting to leave and do stuff without me. Not only do I work full time bringing in more money then him I always pick our son up from school and take care of him all night because the hubby don't get home usually till after we are in bed and I do all the house work and if I complain about wanting a backrub or anything he is a jerk about it, its like I'm not allowed to want anything I could go on and on trust me but girl I know how you feel and being pregnant definatly makes usbeven more upset with out the support and effection we need men just don't get it



EmotionalKel
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:52 PM
It is normal for self esteem to plummet while prego your man should be helping you with this issue not contributing to it
AmericanChild82
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:57 PM
1 mom liked this
My husband disappears for the entire weekend. Did so this weekend and blamed his phone for my inability to get a hold of him. He says he's excited about this baby but he doesnt act like it or show it. He told me today that he'll be around more once the baby is born and it's sad to say that I dont believe him.
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Sondi7
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 6:59 PM

I'm also pregnant and having marriage problems. I'm sure my hormones don't help the situation. It's a very sad and scary position to be in.

krystyneh
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Due to my hormones being raging and I get bitchy, my husband gets frustrated with me and hates when I cry over nothing. Other then that we've been fine. He does get fed up at times. It also doesn't help that I'm 32 weeks 1 day pregnant and we have but been allowed to have sex since I was 12 weeks pregnant. Before I got pregnant we had sex regularly but since 12 weeks pregnant my doctor has put a stop to that until I'm 37 weeks pregnant due to being high risk
steffiecox
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 7:04 PM
During my last pregnancy me and dh were fighting alot. In all honesty I was a hormonal bitch. The things he would say to me didn't help matters much. He punched a hole in the wall and broke our tv. He thought by doing that it would scare m or shut me up. It pissed me off more and caused me to yell and continue to fight with him. We almost got a divorce because of it. I ended up going to counciling and dh went to anger management. We worked everything out and are doing much better now.
LilliesValley
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 7:10 PM
1 mom liked this

During my first pregnancy my dh was struggling with his alcoholism. He had almost made it a year and then 3 months after I got pregnant he went out to celebrate. It was VERY hard and we were working on trust and rebuilding it. He is loving and supportive through the whole thing and I had a very high risk pregnancy but in the back of your mind that stuff is there. 3 days after I had dd he drank again to "celebrate." That was my line in the sand day for my marriage. It was no longer about him and me, it was about dd. I told him if he did it again, she and I would be gone, period.

That was 6.5 years ago. Our marriage has come a long way and I never regret making that choice. Now I will say part of waiting to have number 2 was slightly bc I wanted to make sure everything was ok with us, then I got sick and we couldn't. I'm better now and this pregnancy is still rough but our marriage is great. I'm on bed rest now and dh is awesome. But yes, if he drank I'd still leave tomorrow. He knows this. It's a clear fact.

Every marriage has its highs and lows. Add in pregnancy hormones and it's lots of fun.

Op I think you may be happy about the baby but obviously it was unexpected for everyone. That's going to cause some strain and worry. Focus on the amazing chance fate took and I'd go with the fact that this kid will do something amazing to beat such odds to be conceived. Try to focus on what you can do to improve and work on things and the rest will come. Your marriage will be all the stronger for the harder times an will make you appreciate the easy and good times.

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