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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Is my husband being to selfish?

Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:03 AM
  • 29 Replies

My due date is November 17th, but we have our c-section set for the 14th of November, the doctor said that if my sugars are out of whack or something else comes up making me have to have the baby sooner then we will have to do it November 7th or October 31st. my husband says he FORBIDS! me to have a baby on October 31st because he is superstitious and that all baby's born on October 31st are bad and cursed. I tell him that if this baby needs to be born that day and it is life or death then it will happen. he said no it wont and we will find a different doctor or he will (put a plug up there). I feel he is being selfish but i don't know.... also my doctor says it is medically necessary for me not to have any more children and to have my tubes tied, is it really 100%? and i tell him if we want anymore babies then we can adopt and he says no because all the adopted child that he knows of are always bad and hard to raise. his little brother and sister are adopted and yes they do have some problems that can be with any child, even your own. so i guess i feel he is being selfish over that too... please help me i don't know what to think.

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
VintageWife
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

How silly of him to think a certain date decides on behavior of the child!

CelestialSong
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Uhh... if you want my honest opinion, he sounds a little bit like an immature ass. Babies born on Halloween are bad and cursed? WTF? All adopted kids are bad? He'll put a plug up there to prevent you from having your baby? Is he serious? I don't even know how to reply to this. Hopefully someone else can do it a little more tactfully than what I'm thinking.

Heather2001
by Heather on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:32 AM

He needs to grow up and start thinking and reasoning like an adult, not a little kid.

charley31
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Wtf!? He needs to grow up. Not trying to be rude but wtf. He's not selfish. He's stupid and immature.
Larsbug
by Laura on Aug. 20, 2013 at 11:45 AM

 selfish no, stupid reasonings yes.

awilliamson
by Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:12 PM
My husband is a Halloween birthday and he's pretty fantastic, if you ask me!

Aside from strange reasonsing, that would certainly annoy me, there ARE other solutions. October 30th or November 1st. If it means him being at ease..
JessiFaye
by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:14 PM

He's being ignorant, more than anything. Date has absolutely nothing to do with a child's behavior! 

Hopeful_Gam
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:33 PM

I don't think selfish is my word of choice. More, immature and under educated.

Clemency3
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:38 PM
1 mom liked this

lmao...no he isn't being selfish b/c he is entitled to how he feels. I am due november 1st and am praying my child is due on halloween. I think it would be cool to have a birthday on halloween. I am not superstitious like that like some people are. And honestly, he realistically cannot decide to stop the baby from coming or not so I would just shrug it off. 

children who are adopted or fostered in foster care will be harder emotionally to deal with simply because they know they weren't wanted and it really affects their self esteem. kids in the foster care system are worse off because they could end up in an abusive home where the parents and kids are abusive to them thus creating them to have to be defensive and so forth and pick up real bad habits. So you have to be weary on who you bring into your home for the sake of your other kids. If he doesn't want to adopt or foster then that is fine and you really have to let that be because you can't force him to change his mind. This is something that you need to respect where as his opinion on the date of birth is something you can shrug off, let go and whatever happens happens because that is not as serious of a decision like adoption or fostering. 

CafeMom Tickers
LilliesValley
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 2:58 PM

The date thing he's just being silly. If baby is at risk and he would rather the baby die then be born on Oct 31st, that's just kind of crazy. I wouldn't say selfish, I'd say crazy. I wouldn't put my child at risk no matter what the superstition was.

As far as the needing to be fixed, if your doctor says that your life will be in danger then I would get a second opinion, just in case, and then make a decision from there. For anything where it would mean me not being able to have more kids, I would want a second and possibly a third opinion. IMO, it is not worth trying or having another baby with a high possibility of risk being that your existing children grow up without a mother. Not worth it.

I think your husband is not getting the reality of the situation. Is he always unreasonable and controlling? These are just red flags to me. My dh would want whatever to happen to put my safety and my child's at the top of the list. He doesn't want to be a widower and have kids to raise alone. If your husband isn't going to your appointments maybe you need to set something up where he goes to your next appointment and the doctor spells it out to him. Go to another doctor if you have to for a second opinion, and take your husband with.

Your husband is being UNREASONABLE and is not putting your safety, your pregnant child's safety or your existing children's care, feelings and upbringing into consideration. So he is only caring about what he wants, and no one else's thoughts, feelings or safety. Is that selfish? I think it's the very definition of selfish.

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