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Stressing out over giving birth to #3!!!

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:07 AM
  • 46 Replies

I am completely freaking out over giving birth to our 3rd child! I have no idea how to handle the situation we are in. Hubby and I moved out of state at the beginging of the year (way before we got pregnant and we didnt plan this pregnancy either). Anyway we got preg and we have NO family or friends in our area. At least no friends who know how to handle children or any that my children even know to begin with. THey are all hubbies co workers who travel and do not have families with them.

We were originally planning on paying for my parents to come down before the baby was due and stay here for 2-3 weeks. Well now things have changed (first I am due dec 26) and my sister who is 13 has an event she HAS to attend on Dec 22 preventing my parents from coming any sooner. My mother has never ever driven on a highway that requires speeds over 55 and absolutly refuses to let me buy her a plane ticket over here alone. And they planned on breaking the trip down into 2 days since its about a 12 hour drive. Normally this would be ok But given that this is my third child I wouldnt want to risk not having a back up plan in place for our other children. I have never made it past 38 weeks and there is no garuntee that I will make it all the way until christmas with this baby.

Before you suggest other family yes we do have hubbies family but I seriously CANNOT handle them and neither can my 1 year old. She screams every single time she is left alone with any of them and refuses for any of them to care for her. She has been like this with them since she was a newborn. I can't imagine leaving her in their care for 2 days (maybe more you never know). The reason I personally prefer them NOT to be here when I give birth is because they have NO respect for my household at all. They are very messy people they leave clothes, shoes and socks whereever they take them off (yes in other peoples houses even the adults do this) they do not clean up after them selves they constantly leave soda cans, cups, plates, wrappers all over the place (coffee table, the mantle, counters, bookshelves). I dont even allow eating in the living room but they completely disregard my rules. They dont help extra with cooking and cleaning when they are here they just sit around all day and watch tv and wait for either me or my hubby to do everything. When they visit its one thing to just be patient and wait until they leave to clean my home again but when I am freshly out of the hospital I DO NOT want to come home to a messy, loud, dirty house and have to clean and do shit. And when I say loud I mean loud they talk to each other from across the house instead of getting up and going to each other and the tv is always full blast. This is just something that I could not handle after giving birth. I know how I am after birth. I want to come home, lay down and just relax. Hubby is very helpful with the baby and my needs but house cleaning? Not so much. I am able to do extra before hand so its not so much but I know if hubbies family was required to come and help us instead it would be in shambles before I even made it to the hospital.

Sorry this is so long I am really just freaking out. If my parents were able to come they would help out so much with making dinner and the clean up after them selves and have respect for my home and what i allow and dont allow in my home and not to mention my mom is the ONLY other person my 1 year old has taken to EVER besides me and hubby. It has always been this way no matter who we try to leave her with it always turns into a disaster.

simple frown

by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mrs.Andrews
by Mandy on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:01 AM

I think you have to suck it up and have his family watch your 1 year old. You have a couple months to have her spend time with them and get used to them. Choose just one person to have her spend her time with. And have them watch her at their house and pick her up or have her dropped off when you head home from the hospital. 

The other option would be to hire someone to watch her or to have someone come to the hospital with you to watch her there.

ohwhynot85
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:16 AM
I'm not seeing the problem. Ok, you go into labor before your parents get there. So they come after your sisters thing is over with since she is their primary responsibility and shouldn't be guilted into not attending, not implying that's what you are doing. Your husband can't handle the other children in the meantime? Do you need your mom there to give birth? I think you will be ok.
orliesmom
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 8:12 AM
No I need my husband there to give birth. If there is no one to watch the kids he obviously can not come to the hospital with me.


Quoting ohwhynot85:

I'm not seeing the problem. Ok, you go into labor before your parents get there. So they come after your sisters thing is over with since she is their primary responsibility and shouldn't be guilted into not attending, not implying that's what you are doing. Your husband can't handle the other children in the meantime? Do you need your mom there to give birth? I think you will be ok.

orliesmom
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 8:15 AM
You seemed to miss the part where i said we lived out of state. It's impossible to drop her off and be watched at family members houses. We can't afford to have anyone come stay with us for 2 months for my daughter tho get used to them. We have to foot the bill whenever anyone visits and it wouldnt be practical to invite them over for 2 whole months.


Quoting Mrs.Andrews:

I think you have to suck it up and have his family watch your 1 year old. You have a couple months to have her spend time with them and get used to them. Choose just one person to have her spend her time with. And have them watch her at their house and pick her up or have her dropped off when you head home from the hospital. 

The other option would be to hire someone to watch her or to have someone come to the hospital with you to watch her there.


azn_ladie82
by Melissa on Oct. 16, 2013 at 8:33 AM

I was in a similar situation with my 3rd son. (I too, have early babies but very early). My parents live in Arizona and I'm in Ohio. We were planning to have my BIL watch our younger two boys at the time but he didn't answer his phone. Unfortunately, my husband had to miss the birth of our third son (the 2nd one he missed- our middle son was born via emergency c/s so he had to sit back and wait). It was tough but his mom (I don't get along with her too well..) arrived just in time that I was in the recovery room and my husband and I were able to see our little guy in the NICU. This time around, we live an hour away from the hospital and my husband's parents live 2 hours away. It will be tough but he might end up missing this little one's birth too. You do what you can. You may not agree with your inlaws..but if you want your husband there..you'll have to just deal with you kiddos being with your in laws.

orliesmom
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Bump
jupiter5
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:20 AM
I know this sounds stupid but your baby can't go to the hospital with you? Also have you ever thought about a home birth? Maybe get a babysitter a doula and a midwife and you am your husband can do It old school?
orliesmom
by Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:22 AM
I.don't want my children in the delivery room. Not something I want them there for. Plus with my daughter's attachment towards me shed be screaming at the doctors the whole time to not touch me.

And no I would never give birth at home. I'm not into that lol


Quoting jupiter5:

I know this sounds stupid but your baby can't go to the hospital with you? Also have you ever thought about a home birth? Maybe get a babysitter a doula and a midwife and you am your husband can do It old school?

mychinababy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:30 AM
1 mom liked this
My husband had to miss our fourth. We needed someone to watch our other three so I labored and delivered alone. Spent two nights alone as well. You gotta to what you gotta do. I'm the type that likes to take care of myself though.
MyahsMom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:45 AM
We're in the same boat. We don't trust or feel like we can rely on anyone to stay with our kids. We are paying a sitter (she's 25) to come stay with them for the couple of days. We did the same thing for the birth of our last one. She is actually our DS' old daycare teacher. She is great with the kids and we trust her 100%. It's time to get creative.
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