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Pregnancy Pregnancy

I get it....my family is mad at me. (vent...long sorry)

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:10 AM
  • 10 Replies

Here's a little background. I was unmarried (but engaged) at 21 when I had my son. I was also unemployed and living at home. My family was supportive and very helpful. Everyone loves my son and would do anything for him or to help me at the time. Fast forward 9 1/2 years. I am 30. I'm seperated from my son's father (and have been for 4 1/2 years) I have been working at the same company for almost 7 years. Because of hour cuts a few years ago I had to move back home, and when my mom quit working I had to take on some of her bills. But even though I COMPLETELY support myself and my son my family is BEYOND disappointed and mad at me for being pregnant. My mom tells me almost on a daily basis how disappointed she is. I had breakfast with my aunt yesterday and all we talked about is how disappointed and upset she is at me. My uncle is so mad at me that he refuses to attend any family gatherings if I am there. My mom is evicting me. She REFUSES to watch the baby when it's born so I dont have to pay daycare but she is happy to watch my son for me. She watches him afterschool, on holidays and during the summer. She said it's inconvient to watch a baby if she has to go anywhere. But what I don't understand is how my family can be supportive and hapy for me being pregnant at 21 living at home with no job and can not even support myself but then be so angry at me when I'm pregnant at 30 and completely support myself and my son. The only thing I can figure is the simple fact I'm not married ar at least engaged. I makes no sense to me and it hurts knowing I have no support from my family. Im tired of being told how disappointed everyone is that I'm in this "situation." This "situation" in my opinion is a blessing. I am beyond happy to finally be having another baby. But it's hard to enjoy it when everyone around me is mad about it.

Thanks ladies, and I'm sorry this is so long. As you can tell I don't exactly have anyone that I can talk to about all this.

*^*Carolyn*^* 

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Supervane
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:22 AM
They may not understand how it happened to you again. You said you're capable of supporting yourself and that's great, however relying on family to help with.babysitting isn't really what I consider being fully independent.

Maybe once you show them you are fully independent and on your own, by having your own place, paying for your own childcare etc they'll come around
victoriaherring
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:28 AM
2 moms liked this
I would get out and spend time away from them for a while. I also wouldn't let my mom see or keep my older child if she wasn't willing to love an accept the younger one the same way. It's one thing not to be happy with your choices, but your baby had nothing to do with that.
Carolynishappy
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 10:32 AM

 Mom babysitting my son was the trade off for me taking on some of her bills when she quit working. I was not going to pay her bills for her without getting something back in return. Since she was not working she offered to watch him for me.

Quoting Supervane:

They may not understand how it happened to you again. You said you're capable of supporting yourself and that's great, however relying on family to help with.babysitting isn't really what I consider being fully independent.

Maybe once you show them you are fully independent and on your own, by having your own place, paying for your own childcare etc they'll come around

 

*^*Carolyn*^* 

Supervane
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:31 AM
The rest of the fam may not be aware or see it as a trade off. To them it may look like you're taking advantage.

I have a cousin that is 24 and has 3 kids under 4. My mom let's them live in one of her properties rent and utility free, they only pay water. My mom offered because she had the means, and knew her life would be hell living with her in-laws, but then she kept on popping out kids. My mom doesn't mind and she rather mycousin and her bf live there just to upkeep the property. To my cousin she's living the fairy tale life of bliss with her kids and bf. But to other onlookers or even other family members it looks like she's taking advantage.


Quoting Carolynishappy:

 Mom babysitting my son was the trade off for me taking on some of her bills when she quit working. I was not going to pay her bills for her without getting something back in return. Since she was not working she offered to watch him for me.


Quoting Supervane:

They may not understand how it happened to you again. You said you're capable of supporting yourself and that's great, however relying on family to help with.babysitting isn't really what I consider being fully independent.

Maybe once you show them you are fully independent and on your own, by having your own place, paying for your own childcare etc they'll come around

 


Carolynishappy
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 11:38 AM

 I don't think the rest of the family knows that I pay her bills and in return she watches my DS but the family is mad because I'm not married. That is the simple fact of the matter.  I could be in the EXACT same situation, but be married and everyone would be ok with it. No one pays any of my bills. I pay all my own bills, some of my mom's bills and I also buy all the groceries for the house. I buy the food for 3 adults and 1 child. The family does know that. My mom tells them that instead of me paying rent I buy the groceries.

Quoting Supervane:

The rest of the fam may not be aware or see it as a trade off. To them it may look like you're taking advantage.

I have a cousin that is 24 and has 3 kids under 4. My mom let's them live in one of her properties rent and utility free, they only pay water. My mom offered because she had the means, and knew her life would be hell living with her in-laws, but then she kept on popping out kids. My mom doesn't mind and she rather mycousin and her bf live there just to upkeep the property. To my cousin she's living the fairy tale life of bliss with her kids and bf. But to other onlookers or even other family members it looks like she's taking advantage.


Quoting Carolynishappy:

 Mom babysitting my son was the trade off for me taking on some of her bills when she quit working. I was not going to pay her bills for her without getting something back in return. Since she was not working she offered to watch him for me.


Quoting Supervane:

They may not understand how it happened to you again. You said you're capable of supporting yourself and that's great, however relying on family to help with.babysitting isn't really what I consider being fully independent.

Maybe once you show them you are fully independent and on your own, by having your own place, paying for your own childcare etc they'll come around

 


 

*^*Carolyn*^* 

Carolynishappy
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 3:05 PM

I want to thank everyone for the support that I have received on here. It's sad to say that I have gotten more support from perfect strangers than I have from my own family. You ladies are WONDERFUL on here. Thank you sooooo much.

*^*Carolyn*^* 

LeeBug32
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 3:22 PM

I'm sorry they are being this way.  Sometimes, when the whole family is mad about the same thing, there is one person stirring the pot about the issue.  Your baby is a blessing and I wish you the best.

Carolynishappy
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 3:35 PM

 It's my mom stirring the pot. I don't know what she's saying to everyone because she won't say anything to anyone when I'm around. The other day when I talked to my aunt she told me that my mom asked her to talk to me. Why she even did that I have no idea. I don't what my mom thought it would accomplish. I am very happy about this blessing and if my family doesnt want to enjoy this blessing with me then so be it. That's their decision.

Quoting LeeBug32:

I'm sorry they are being this way.  Sometimes, when the whole family is mad about the same thing, there is one person stirring the pot about the issue.  Your baby is a blessing and I wish you the best.

 

*^*Carolyn*^* 

LeeBug32
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 3:42 PM

 I didn't even see what the point of complaining and saying things to you all the time is.  What do they expect it to accomplish.  You are pregnant and that's that.  I would get out of there, if possible.


Quoting Carolynishappy:

 It's my mom stirring the pot. I don't know what she's saying to everyone because she won't say anything to anyone when I'm around. The other day when I talked to my aunt she told me that my mom asked her to talk to me. Why she even did that I have no idea. I don't what my mom thought it would accomplish. I am very happy about this blessing and if my family doesnt want to enjoy this blessing with me then so be it. That's their decision.

Quoting LeeBug32:

I'm sorry they are being this way.  Sometimes, when the whole family is mad about the same thing, there is one person stirring the pot about the issue.  Your baby is a blessing and I wish you the best.

 


 

Carolynishappy
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this

 I am getting all my bills in order so I know what I can afford in rent and I'm moving. Once I do move I'm going to limit my contact with my family.

Quoting LeeBug32:

 I didn't even see what the point of complaining and saying things to you all the time is.  What do they expect it to accomplish.  You are pregnant and that's that.  I would get out of there, if possible.

 

Quoting Carolynishappy:

 It's my mom stirring the pot. I don't know what she's saying to everyone because she won't say anything to anyone when I'm around. The other day when I talked to my aunt she told me that my mom asked her to talk to me. Why she even did that I have no idea. I don't what my mom thought it would accomplish. I am very happy about this blessing and if my family doesnt want to enjoy this blessing with me then so be it. That's their decision.

Quoting LeeBug32:

I'm sorry they are being this way.  Sometimes, when the whole family is mad about the same thing, there is one person stirring the pot about the issue.  Your baby is a blessing and I wish you the best.

 

 

 

 

*^*Carolyn*^* 

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