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Husband doubts my ability to raise our 2 kids

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 4:24 AM
  • 32 Replies
Ive never been so hurt by my husband.. we have been together for 5 years married for a month... we are getting induced tomorrow morning and tonight he comes to me and says you think you can handle 2 kids. Like of I had to work late or go out of town do you think you can handle it... While asking he had a huge since of unsureness in his voice.. when I asked him if he douted I could do it he said he wasnt sure... my thing is if he doubts it why did we have another child and why did we get married... facts on me I work fulltime,care for my daughter each and everyday never ask him for help.. the only time I ask for help is with his older son as his mom has told this child he doesnt have to listen to me.. never once have I asked him to take my daughter to daycare, pick her up, do doctors appt etc. I clean the house and do laundry daily without his help or ask for anything, so im not sure where this doubt came from.
by on Jan. 6, 2014 at 4:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Baby3thinkpink
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 7:35 AM
2 moms liked this
I'm sorry you have to deal with this right before your induction. Though I understand your frustration (I'd be pissed @ Mr hubby for asking) but look at it from a different perspective maybe he's scared. Maybe he worries about not being there to help if he's out of town. It may seem like he's attacking you but maybe he's just misplacing his fear onto you. Though men don't always mean it they can say the stupidest things. Especially to a pregnant lady! It's okay, good luck hun!
LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 7:38 AM

(1) You handle what you have to handle.

(2) This is HIS child too, so why do you have to handle it on your own? 

Also in all of the families I know with very young stepchildren both parents take on the responsibility (mom and stepdad, or dad and stepmom).  Your husband honestly sounds like a jerk and he needs to be knocked upside the head and maybe he'll get some sense knocked into him. 

Good luck and try to enjoy focusing on your new baby.

Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Jan. 6, 2014 at 8:36 AM
2 moms liked this
You'll do fine. Does he work late or put of town often, or is it a possibility with his job? I'm thinking this was more of 1) him being nervous about you transitioning to two kids 2) being nervous about another baby in general. Men are stupid sometimes and don't think of how they phrase things. He may just be anxious and be wondering how you're going to deal with a baby and a young dd if he has to work beyond his normal hours. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Of course, you'll be fine. Even bad days come to an end. It may be tougher on him than you! Try not to be too offended, I don't think he doubts you.
Mamasgotthis817
by Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Ugh the step child thing is tough! I go through the same issues with my fiance's daughter who is nine. Her mother will tell her she doesn't need to listen to me either, very frustrating! I teach my child that an adult is an adult and you always listen and respect your elders no matter what roll they play in your life. I also have a daughter of my own and my fiancé and I are expecting our first together next week. So I am kinda in the same boat as you. I am very lucky that he supports me as a mom and thinks I can do it all. But sometimes I need to remind him that I'm not super mom and I need help. I have to ask for it. If your husband hurt your feelings tell him, maybe he didn't mean it how you took it, or it's his nervousness about a new baby coming out. Good luck and congrats on the new little one :)
Larsbug
by Laura on Jan. 6, 2014 at 10:25 AM

maybe you are taking it our of context?? I'm not sure, maybe not cause I don't know him like you but I know that when I was pregnant DH would say things and I would completely misconstrue them...

krusesbaby
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 10:25 AM

 Is he getting any time off after the induction? a few days atleast? Maybe he's asking about directly after. I know that i will definatly need help for the first 2 weeks after i have this third baby. But after that, after i heal, i will be fine. My dh gets 3 days so while i'm in the hospital and the first day i am home. so it will be hard for me i think. I am hoping i get a lot of family members over lol It was nice with my second child because his vacation co-insided with the birth and he got 2 whole weeks. Maybe ask him to elaborate on the subject?

CafeMom Tickers
Heather2001
by Heather on Jan. 6, 2014 at 10:28 AM
4 moms liked this
Sounds like he's projecting his own insecurities onto you.
CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 12:24 PM

Maybe he is doubting himself...  And he is getting scared.  But that is a shitty thing for him to say!

Mrs.Andrews
by Mandy on Jan. 6, 2014 at 1:26 PM

Hugs. Sorry he made you feel that way. You should really sit down and talk to him about how he made you feel and what's going on with him. Good luck with the induction!

iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 3:04 PM
My exact thought.


Quoting Heather2001: Sounds like he's projecting his own insecurities onto you.
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