Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Pregnancy Pregnancy

Baby's father advice?

Posted by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 7:02 AM
  • 24 Replies
My son is now a week old. For the past week I realized things may never change..

While I was in labor his father was on the phone with his girl friend and texting her the whole time. After he was born his dad left and didn't come back that night..he then has the nerve to tell me that if all he had to do was pay child support and not have anything to do with his son his relationship would be better... They have been dating since July? How do I react to this..? What would you say. I try to be nice because I want my son to have his father but this gets old.

I feel selfish for thinking like this but sometimes I feel like making his choose if he wants his son or his girlfriend. He tells me he might not be able to see his son this whole week but he has plans almost everyday to see his girlfriend:( I want better for my son
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 7:02 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 7:24 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds to me like if you gave him an ultimatum, to see his girlfriend our your son, he'd pick his girlfriend. I'd say if that's the way he wants it, get him to sign paperwork in mediation to that effect, that he agrees to pay X amount of child support and no visitation. It will make it easier in the long run, when your child is old enough to feel the sting of rejection like that. ): I ran into that problem, having to explain to my child why daddy did care enough to come pick her up on time. (Her words at the time, not mine.)

tkachattach13
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 7:30 AM
It's just like he makes me feel like the horrible person.. And saying I'm like this because I don't have a boyfriend.. Mind you, he left when I told him I was pregnant and there was a guy who came in right after that ( been friends for 3 years) we planned to make my son his child and we everything was going perfect till at 36 weeks the real dad texts me and wants back in... I told my boyfriend at the time that I needed to break it off and work on my son making sure he has a good life..
I'm trying so hard to do the right thing. I gave up that relationship that ment a lot and push him away because I felt my son actually needed his real father! But his father can't even hear me out and put his relationship on hold till he figures out how to work out a schedule to see both of them.. And if she's not willing to handle that.. Then she shouldn't be important...

Quoting Serabeth06:

It sounds to me like if you gave him an ultimatum, to see his girlfriend our your son, he'd pick his girlfriend. I'd say if that's the way he wants it, get him to sign paperwork in mediation to that effect, that he agrees to pay X amount of child support and no visitation. It will make it easier in the long run, when your child is old enough to feel the sting of rejection like that. ): I ran into that problem, having to explain to my child why daddy did care enough to come pick her up on time. (Her words at the time, not mine.)

Baby3thinkpink
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 7:39 AM
I'm so sorry. That would be SO hard. As a child of divorce (I was 15 when it became a legal divorce but it was lots of seperations through my life) I would try to keep it amicable but strongly suggest going through the courts for child support as well as visitation. If he chooses to persue visitation then good, if he breaks his promise/agreement at least you and your child know you gave him every opportunity to be there! You will find someone much better that will love your son like his own! My father is remarried and his wives daughter is just like family. He sees her just like he sees his biological kids. Much luck mama
Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 8:27 AM

 I'd say just think about what's best for you and the baby first, and think about him secondary. Obviously, if he flaked when you told him about the baby, and is still flaking now, he's just going to continue to do it.

Quoting tkachattach13: It's just like he makes me feel like the horrible person.. And saying I'm like this because I don't have a boyfriend.. Mind you, he left when I told him I was pregnant and there was a guy who came in right after that ( been friends for 3 years) we planned to make my son his child and we everything was going perfect till at 36 weeks the real dad texts me and wants back in... I told my boyfriend at the time that I needed to break it off and work on my son making sure he has a good life..
I'm trying so hard to do the right thing. I gave up that relationship that ment a lot and push him away because I felt my son actually needed his real father! But his father can't even hear me out and put his relationship on hold till he figures out how to work out a schedule to see both of them.. And if she's not willing to handle that.. Then she shouldn't be important...

Quoting Serabeth06:

It sounds to me like if you gave him an ultimatum, to see his girlfriend our your son, he'd pick his girlfriend. I'd say if that's the way he wants it, get him to sign paperwork in mediation to that effect, that he agrees to pay X amount of child support and no visitation. It will make it easier in the long run, when your child is old enough to feel the sting of rejection like that. ): I ran into that problem, having to explain to my child why daddy did care enough to come pick her up on time. (Her words at the time, not mine.)

 

LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 8:47 AM

In your situation, your son is bette roff without his father.  Get the legal documentation that he is to pay child support and has no visitation or other parental rights.  Then stay away from him. 

In a few months when you are back on your feet, start looking for a good man.  Someone who will be supportive and loving of you and your son.  Someone who will treat you both with respect.  I know plenty of men who raised sons that were not biologically theirs.  Most met the boys when they were about 18 months old, so be patient and make a good choice.  You do not have to have a husband/boyfriend; you have to have the right one. 

In the meantime, surround yourself with loving, supportive family and friends.  Make sure you have good male influences for your son (like your father, brother, friends, etc.)

Congratulations on the new baby! 

KiKi-Love
by Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 8:51 AM
Why did you let him in the delivery room?
iamcafemom83
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 8:55 AM
It seems like he has made his choice:(
Get your child support and move on. Surround your baby with those who love him, and are supportive of you. "Dad" will be the one missing out.
Carolynishappy
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 9:30 AM

My situation is similar. My son's father walked out on us when my son was 2 months old. He was gone for a year and then all of a sudden he comes back and wants to be a part of our lives. I was so fixated on having the "happy little family" that I got back with him and married him. 2 years of marriage was all I got. We are now divorced. He barely sees our son. He saw him a total of 4 times last year. I wanted (and so do) the same thing for my son as you do. I know my son needs his father but truth be told his father just isn't in his life. I am dating a guy now and my son loves him to death. I will ask my son if he wants me to call his dad to see him and my son says no he wants to see my boyfriend instead. My son is 9 years old. So my advice to you is to move on with your life. If the father wants it to be that all he has to do is pay child support then do that and move on. The most important thing for your baby is that he gets love. Your dad, brother or even a male friend can be the male influence that your son needs. You said that you were dating someone and broke it off because the father came back, could you try repairing that relationship? Right now my son has my dad and my boyfriend as male influence and my son is doing great. Your son needs you to be happy. Move on with your life and do not let the father be the one you run your life around. It's not worth it, believe me I tried that and it got me nowhere. Trying to make it work with the father when he isnt all that interested will actually only hurt your son in the long run. My son's father used to call to say he would get him for the weekend and I would tell my son but then his father would never show up. It broke my heart to see him get so disappointed. I quit telling him about his dad coming to get him. If you try to push the father to be around when he doesn't want to be then once your son is older and starts getting attached to him it will only hurt him when the father bails.  Best of luck to you. We are here if you need someone to talk to. You can message me if you need to talk also.

*^*Carolyn*^* 

bamamommy2009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 9:33 AM

 don't waste your time with himthat was my biggest mistake with my daughter's father he "wanted" to pay child support- never realy did and got thrown into jail, and would barely see her any. it was a mess but if you give him child support{have him pay for it i mean} he has the right ot see the baby whenever he feels like coming back into the picture AND there is no gaurentee he even will pay his child support and then you have a legal battle with him. just se if he will release his rights and walk away that boy doesn't ahve his priorities straight and that girl will end up pregnant soon too.

staciexo
by on Jan. 9, 2014 at 9:35 AM

Tell him to pay child support and get lost! Its hard but you cant force a boy to be a father if he is not ready. Dont fight with him, just let him be and focus on ur son.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN