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In-Law issues

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:20 AM
  • 18 Replies

I'm having a dilemma with my in-laws, well mainly my mil. My husband and I decided to have my brother and his girlfriend, who is a huge part of our family and they plan on marrying soon, they just want to finish their schooling first.  When my husband told his parents of "our" decision they flipped out! Stating things that we need to pick one from each side and that it's not fair. They were really upset that we didn't choose his brother to be the godfather and even when I told them about how nasty his brother treats me they said that shouldn't matter. When trying to tell them that none of this was done out of spite his mom proceeded to call me a bunch of names. She also told us that everything so far with the pregnancy has been very one-sided. She was upset because we told my parents even though we were at their house about an hour after telling mine. She said it was dumb how we told them yet my husband and I thought long and hard because we wanted to do something creative. She's basically saying I'm not included her in on anything when she went with me to my frist appt and got to see the sonogram when my mom didn't and I've even asked her to be in the delievery room. She's since appologized for everything but not before making a comment that she needs to be appologized to as well. I don't know what to do in this situation because she's now acting like nothings wrong when I know it's going to happen again.

by on Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Serabeth06
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:38 AM

That sucks. It's your pregnancy, not hers, sounds like she needs to back off. I'm glad my MIL isn't like that. :/ I wouldn't apologize, because you don't have anything to be sorry for. Just let it go, and when it comes up again, just stand your ground. Your baby, your choices.

smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:40 AM

I definitely wouldn't have her in the delivery room after that, who knows if she go into rant mode again in the delivery room.

I have crazy ex in-laws and my ex husbands grandma tried to cause problems while I was in labor and we had to call security on my ex-MIL. I vowed from then on the only one in the delivery room is my now husband and my grandma.

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KnM8689
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:43 AM

 That's basically what I did. I didn't appologize for the simple fact that there was nothing for me or my husband to appologize for. My husband just reminded her that this is our baby not hers.

Quoting Serabeth06:

That sucks. It's your pregnancy, not hers, sounds like she needs to back off. I'm glad my MIL isn't like that. :/ I wouldn't apologize, because you don't have anything to be sorry for. Just let it go, and when it comes up again, just stand your ground. Your baby, your choices.

 

KnM8689
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 10:45 AM

I'm stuck on the fence about the delivery room issue. I don't want her in there after all of this but my husband really wants her since my Mom will be in there. I'm just scared that she's going to get upset if my Mom holds the baby before or anyone else in my family. She's really petty about that kind of stuff and to my family it's not a big deal. I just don't want there to be turmoil between the families or with my in-laws but I feel like I'm the one that's being pressured to change things and to walk on eggshells.

Quoting smurfy88:

I definitely wouldn't have her in the delivery room after that, who knows if she go into rant mode again in the delivery room.

I have crazy ex in-laws and my ex husbands grandma tried to cause problems while I was in labor and we had to call security on my ex-MIL. I vowed from then on the only one in the delivery room is my now husband and my grandma.

 

LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:23 AM
2 moms liked this

 It is YOUR body and YOUR delivery.  DH does not get a say on whether his mother is there.  Your mother is there to support HER DAUGHTER.  She is NOT there for the birth of her grandchild.  She is there for her child.  End of discussion.

Quoting KnM8689:

I'm stuck on the fence about the delivery room issue. I don't want her in there after all of this but my husband really wants her since my Mom will be in there. I'm just scared that she's going to get upset if my Mom holds the baby before or anyone else in my family. She's really petty about that kind of stuff and to my family it's not a big deal. I just don't want there to be turmoil between the families or with my in-laws but I feel like I'm the one that's being pressured to change things and to walk on eggshells.

Quoting smurfy88:

I definitely wouldn't have her in the delivery room after that, who knows if she go into rant mode again in the delivery room.

I have crazy ex in-laws and my ex husbands grandma tried to cause problems while I was in labor and we had to call security on my ex-MIL. I vowed from then on the only one in the delivery room is my now husband and my grandma.

 

 

KnM8689
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:32 AM

 Thank You. That actually made me feel really good. I know my Mom is thrilled about being in the delivery room not only because she wants to support me but because she gets to see her grandchild born. (Her first one at that.) It's something that hasn't been brought up in a while and since I'm not due until June I'm not going to bring it up. It stresses me out when we do talk about it so I figured just let sleeping dogs lie for the time being.

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

 It is YOUR body and YOUR delivery.  DH does not get a say on whether his mother is there.  Your mother is there to support HER DAUGHTER.  She is NOT there for the birth of her grandchild.  She is there for her child.  End of discussion.

Quoting KnM8689:

I'm stuck on the fence about the delivery room issue. I don't want her in there after all of this but my husband really wants her since my Mom will be in there. I'm just scared that she's going to get upset if my Mom holds the baby before or anyone else in my family. She's really petty about that kind of stuff and to my family it's not a big deal. I just don't want there to be turmoil between the families or with my in-laws but I feel like I'm the one that's being pressured to change things and to walk on eggshells.

Quoting smurfy88:

I definitely wouldn't have her in the delivery room after that, who knows if she go into rant mode again in the delivery room.

I have crazy ex in-laws and my ex husbands grandma tried to cause problems while I was in labor and we had to call security on my ex-MIL. I vowed from then on the only one in the delivery room is my now husband and my grandma.

 

 

 

LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

 You are very welcome.  You have to be your own advocate and you have to get your husband to man up and support you even if it means going against his mother.  You two have to be on the same page about it--but this is one area where you have absolute veto power. 

You can always put it on the hospital/midwife/OB.  Tell the MW/OB and nurses ahead of time and they will support you and play bouncer if need be.  "Gee, I'm sorry MIL, but *this* particular OB has a policy that only 2 people can be in the room, so unless you want your son to miss the birth of his first child, I guess you'll have to wait out in the waiting room."

Good luck!

Quoting KnM8689:

 Thank You. That actually made me feel really good. I know my Mom is thrilled about being in the delivery room not only because she wants to support me but because she gets to see her grandchild born. (Her first one at that.) It's something that hasn't been brought up in a while and since I'm not due until June I'm not going to bring it up. It stresses me out when we do talk about it so I figured just let sleeping dogs lie for the time being.

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

 It is YOUR body and YOUR delivery.  DH does not get a say on whether his mother is there.  Your mother is there to support HER DAUGHTER.  She is NOT there for the birth of her grandchild.  She is there for her child.  End of discussion.

 

 

 

JessiFaye
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this

This is VERY true, and this is what I would do if it continued to be an issue and your husband won't stand up to her (because really, he should be the one telling her... his mom, his conversation). When we did our birthing center tour, somebody asked about situations like this (or just ending up wanting the room cleared out at certain points) and the nurse told us point blank, "Do not be the bad guy. You're going through enough, and that's what we're here for. WE will be the bad guy." 

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

 You are very welcome.  You have to be your own advocate and you have to get your husband to man up and support you even if it means going against his mother.  You two have to be on the same page about it--but this is one area where you have absolute veto power. 

You can always put it on the hospital/midwife/OB.  Tell the MW/OB and nurses ahead of time and they will support you and play bouncer if need be.  "Gee, I'm sorry MIL, but *this* particular OB has a policy that only 2 people can be in the room, so unless you want your son to miss the birth of his first child, I guess you'll have to wait out in the waiting room."

Good luck!

Quoting KnM8689:

 Thank You. That actually made me feel really good. I know my Mom is thrilled about being in the delivery room not only because she wants to support me but because she gets to see her grandchild born. (Her first one at that.) It's something that hasn't been brought up in a while and since I'm not due until June I'm not going to bring it up. It stresses me out when we do talk about it so I figured just let sleeping dogs lie for the time being.

Quoting LoveMyBug2013:

 It is YOUR body and YOUR delivery.  DH does not get a say on whether his mother is there.  Your mother is there to support HER DAUGHTER.  She is NOT there for the birth of her grandchild.  She is there for her child.  End of discussion.





smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this
In the end just remember it's your body and your labor. You make the final decision and nobody needs to manipulate or guilt trip you.

Quoting KnM8689:

I'm stuck on the fence about the delivery room issue. I don't want her in there after all of this but my husband really wants her since my Mom will be in there. I'm just scared that she's going to get upset if my Mom holds the baby before or anyone else in my family. She's really petty about that kind of stuff and to my family it's not a big deal. I just don't want there to be turmoil between the families or with my in-laws but I feel like I'm the one that's being pressured to change things and to walk on eggshells.


Quoting smurfy88:

I definitely wouldn't have her in the delivery room after that, who knows if she go into rant mode again in the delivery room.


I have crazy ex in-laws and my ex husbands grandma tried to cause problems while I was in labor and we had to call security on my ex-MIL. I vowed from then on the only one in the delivery room is my now husband and my grandma.


 

CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 12:52 PM
1 mom liked this

She needs to bacvk off... Its your pregnancy and your child.  You and dad are the ones that choose who gets to ge godfather and godmother.

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