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Telling certain friends you're pregnant...

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:17 AM
  • 8 Replies

Hubby and I recently found out that some good friends of ours have been trying to get pregnant for the last year, and have just started seeking fertility help. She's a little depressed about this, understandably. Now I'm worried about how we will be able to tell them that we're pregnant! I'm 9 weeks along now. Obviously we don't want them to find out on facebook in a few there a sensitive way to share our news with them??

by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:17 AM
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by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:30 AM
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Whatever you do, please, please sit them down and tell them in private. I was in this boat with 2 of my sis in laws. They ended up pregnant around the time I was getting ready to go to the specialist. One of them sent a mass text wearing a "expecting a buckeye shirt". It devastated me I dropped to my knees crying! This was their 2nd baby and the first wasn't even a year.

The next told me and cried with me, she pulled me tight to her, whispered on my ear and we cried together! I felt much better about that. Like she respected my feelings. Both of them knew of our 6 year struggle with infertility.

You don't have to be sorry about your pregnancy of course this is a joyful time for you! Just be delicate and offer a shoulder for them! Maybe have a dinner together after! ;)
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:32 AM
Tell her in person. Then tell her you understand if she feels sad or upset or needs some time away from you. Its really difficult to deal with friends getting what you desperately want. She should eventually be happy for you but it will likely sting a bit at first.
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:52 AM

In person, in private. I tried to get pregnant for 2.5 years, and my best friend was terrified to tell me last March that she was pregnant within a month of her wedding, unplanned. It hurt a LOT, but that didn't mean I wasn't happy for her. I even threw her a baby shower in September (by that point, I was thankfully finally pregnant with my little guy). 

Let her cry if she wants, and please don't feel guilty. Your pregnancy has nothing to do with her lack of pregnancy, and deep down she will know that and more than likely be okay. I probably cried on my poor husband's shoulder for a week after I found out she was pregnant, but that's what he's for. ;) 

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by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 9:17 AM
I agree. Tell her in person. She may feel upset inside because of her situation, but im sure she will be so happy for you guys.
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by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 9:29 AM
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Thanks for the advice, ladies!!! It sounds like in person is the best way to do it. I wasn't so much worried about her not being happy for me, but I don't want to make her more upset or feel like I'm "rubbing it in." Thanks for sharing your experiences!

by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 2:37 PM

take them to dinner and tell them...if they are your true friends they will understand and be happy. We were put into this situation not long ago (with DS2) and our friends were beyond happy even though they were having feritlity issues as well...she came to us when I was 4 months pregnant and told us they were pregnant.

by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Definitely tell them in person. Last Feb I was terrified to tell my best friend, who had suffered a m/c two years before and was still struggling with infertility, that we were shocked to be pregnant. (I was on birth control). She cried, but was hugging us and very happy for us and very thankful that we told her face to face. I had a miscarriage in April and she was my biggest supporter after dh. 3 weeks after my m/c the tables were turned when she told me face to face that she was pregnant. THAT was very hard, but I was SO ecstatic for them. Now her baby is 3 weeks old, our baby is due in 9 weeks. Best of luck to you both! 

by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 5:28 PM

Your situation is so eerily similar to mine.. 

A friend of mine got her tubes untied in hopes of gettin' pregnant. She has yet to succeed. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't wanna tell her (I, too, am nine weeks.) Because I knew she's been tryin' and tryin'... :(

Today, at work - (I had moved so that my job would be easier for me) she comes to me and says "Manda, why ya back here?" I paused - dumbfounded and said "Because.... I'm pregnant." She looked down at my stomach, looked up at me and said "Nuh uh!!!" I thought oh man. :( I said "I wanted to tell you - I just know you're tryin' so I didn't know if I could ....." She told me that she can still be happy for me even tho' they haven't been blessed yet.  

I know what you're goin' thru..  

Your friends can still be happy for you - even if they aren't able to concieve yet. Their time will come. :) It'll happen when it's supposed to.  I'd just kinda - at first at least - minimize the invites to baby shop with them.. (Obviously you probably know that..) and things like that.. But other than that, yeah - don't let them find out off Facebook - that's rude. :(

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