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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Feeling Guilty :(

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 6:15 PM
  • 12 Replies

We got our confirmation ultrasound today!! I am offically 5 weeks pregnant! I am due October 13th. I have the best and most supportive Dad to be. He's terrified; this is his first child and my 3rd. We are no longer together and actually got pregnant by complete mistake and very quickly.

(I have an IUD in and we got pregnant within the week of us dating; please no bashing or saying we shouldnt of had sex and yadayada!)

He has been on the fence since the first time I thought I might be pregnant, been very back and forth and confused. But he was with me every single time I peed on a stick. He was with me when i went to the first two doctor appointments and today during the ultrasound. He's deteremined to be with me every step of the pregnancy and in the childs life as much as he possibily can.

I feel guilty because niether of my sons fathers are involved in their life. They don't know them, don't see them and I don't even get help with them. Which is fine; their fathers are toxic anyways and we're better off. But I feel like this because this baby is going to have their father around and active in their life and I don't want my sons to feel unloved or that this baby means more because thats not true; I love all my children the same.I don't know what to do :(

this baby's dad has already put away all his tax money and sold his truck for money to help save up the money for the stuff we're going to need. He's super excited and involved (we're very early and he's already looking at pink camo carseats lol). He's picked out names and has considered us working out our differences so we can be a family. Which i am not sure i want to do. He wanted to be involved with someone else which is why we broke up in the first place. But it seems since we found out he's changed..

My high school sweetheart (my oldests father) left me when I was 6 months pregnant, he never helped with names or cared either way. i was basically a freeride for the 5 months he lived with me. 2 years later (my youngests dad) was exteremly abusive and raped me to trap me into not leaving him. My mom rescued me while he was out at work and thats why we're not together and he never cared about either of us as soon as i was gone. Niether have ever give or provided for their sons. Ever.

But how do i feel less guilty? For this baby having a father and my sons not? idk how to feel..

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 6:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ramalamasp
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 6:57 PM

 It is all about what is best for the child. If not having the biological father around is best, great. My oldest doesn't have his bio father in his life, never has, and never will. His dad my husband, who is biologically my second son's father, and the father of this baby. All that matters is that kids are loved and cared for.

SweetPoison
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 7:44 PM

I just don't them to ever feel like they are "missing" something because they don't have a father. Especially since they are boys. My oldest is 5 and I have tried so hard to answer his questions when he askes why other kids have dads and why he can't participate in some of the school programs with other kids because its just a father-son thing.. :(

Quoting ramalamasp:

 It is all about what is best for the child. If not having the biological father around is best, great. My oldest doesn't have his bio father in his life, never has, and never will. His dad my husband, who is biologically my second son's father, and the father of this baby. All that matters is that kids are loved and cared for.


mceache
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 8:17 PM

I didn't know you could have a ultrasound at 5 weeks for confirmation????

SweetPoison
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 8:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Yep it's a Vaginal Ultrasound.They can't do a belly ultrasound because the baby is super tiny. The reason we did it was because the home tests had been 4 pos. 1 neg, the urine test was also negative. The Dr. wasn't convinced and with my IUD she just wanted to make sure everything was in place and ok..so we weren't expecting a def. yes..

but after a little digging around in there!! She goes yep..that white blur is def a Baby Sac it looked the heart was beginning to beat also haha...We're doing a repeat ultrasound in 2 weeks!

Quoting mceache:

I didn't know you could have a ultrasound at 5 weeks for confirmation????


mceache
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 8:26 PM

I have been trying to get to the doctor for the longest. I have gotten my + test but the weather here in NC everything is closed. I had two miscarriages last year, and I am 5 wks today. I just wanna make sure before announcing it to the world...

Tenderheart3
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 8:30 PM

My husband didn't have a father active in his life and it caused him a great deal of pain. Growing up he did have encouraging teachers that helped him along the way.  I recommend that you find your boys a mentor. Mother's are great, but boys need a man to relate with. Men can teach them things that mothers can't.  You are not expected to be mother and father. Mentors can be a positive influence in a child's life.  Don't feel guilty.

SweetPoison
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:19 PM
yea i had a miscarriage back in september. So i understand the waiting. With my iud in we have a higher chance of miscarrying but were hopeful we arent telling family for personalreasons until were into the 2nd trimester but we have told some close friends

Quoting mceache:

I have been trying to get to the doctor for the longest. I have gotten my + test but the weather here in NC everything is closed. I had two miscarriages last year, and I am 5 wks today. I just wanna make sure before announcing it to the world...

Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:23 PM
So.... let me get this straight.


You had an ultrasound at 5 weeks for confirmation (I've never seen more than just an empty sac at 6w with my pregnancies) and they for some reason left your IUD in place?

Quoting SweetPoison: yea i had a miscarriage back in september. So i understand the waiting. With my iud in we have a higher chance of miscarrying but were hopeful we arent telling family for personalreasons until were into the 2nd trimester but we have told some close friends


Quoting mceache:

I have been trying to get to the doctor for the longest. I have gotten my + test but the weather here in NC everything is closed. I had two miscarriages last year, and I am 5 wks today. I just wanna make sure before announcing it to the world...

Pagan_Mommy84
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:24 PM

I agree with some of the things the other Ladies said, it's what's best for the kids...and also for you.  Excuse my language, but just because your other kids father was a douche (I knwo how you feel, my twins father is TERRIBLE and a sorry excuse for a man)...BUT, they have plenty of love from me and are already in love with their soon-to-come little sister.  I'm not saying to take him back or forget the past, but it's worth a try to see hwo you truly feel.  It sounds like he wants to help.  Has he always been good to your other kids?  Maybe he will include them as well?  The father of this baby raises my boys with me, and if we split up I have no doubt he'd still lvoe them just the same :) 

SweetPoison
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:27 PM
they will be removing my iud next week when i see the obgyn. The town i live in doesnt have them the just have reg dr. Traind for the basics lol so she did the test and had the ultrasound done it

Quoting Pandapanda: So.... let me get this straight.





You had an ultrasound at 5 weeks for confirmation (I've never seen more than just an empty sac at 6w with my pregnancies) and they for some reason left your IUD in place?



Quoting SweetPoison: yea i had a miscarriage back in september. So i understand the waiting. With my iud in we have a higher chance of miscarrying but were hopeful we arent telling family for personalreasons until were into the 2nd trimester but we have told some close friends





Quoting mceache:

I have been trying to get to the doctor for the longest. I have gotten my + test but the weather here in NC everything is closed. I had two miscarriages last year, and I am 5 wks today. I just wanna make sure before announcing it to the world...

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