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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Husband in delivery room? *EDIT

Posted by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:19 PM
  • 38 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Should my (separated) husband be in the delivery room?

Options:

Yes

No


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 73

View Results

My husband and I separated in July 2013. I found out I was pregnant in September 2013. I am due in late April 2014. We separated in the best interest of our daughter because of his addiction issue. He moved in with his mom. Our daughter & I moved in with my aunt. My aunt will not allow him in her house, even for holidays. He understands the newborn will live with me. He understands he has issues he needs to overcome that he cannot do while he is in & out of jail and therefore the newborn will not be staying with him and his mother in any capacity for any length of time.

My question is this: Should my husband be in the delivery room if we are not in an actual relationship, he does not support the daughter we currently have, & he will only be seeing the new baby once every week? I personally want him there for emotional support & he wants to be there but it seems cruel to have him watch the delivery & be with the baby at the hospital when he's not going to be seeing her very often.

*EDIT: He is no longer staying with his mother. I have no idea where he is and he doesn't have a phone (if he does he didn't tell it to me) or a job to contact him at. So I cannot find him when I go into labor, which makes this post irrelevant.

Thank you for the thoughtful comments and support, mamas!

by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaNickelatti
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I voted yes. Regardless of the situation that is his child and he should be present for her birth. He may be an addict but he is her father.
Closet_Case
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:24 PM
It's up to you. You're going to be giving birth and it's up to you if you think him being there will help you out during delivery or stress you out even more.
tcallisto
by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:26 PM
2 moms liked this

If you want him there for support, then yes. The situation might not be the best, but it sounds as if he would be a comfort to you. Do what you feel is best!!! 

rwcw89
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 9:40 PM
Is the separation permanent or are u willing to work with him after he's clean? I vote yes, you seem to want him there And it is his . Ask him what he wants . FYI my df is recovering from relapse . It's hard but if he's making an effort to get better then he deserves to see the birth . Maybe it'll give him a boost to change
KREX0914
by Kristen-Danielle on Mar. 14, 2014 at 10:56 PM
Quoting rwcw89: Is the separation permanent or are u willing to work with him after he's clean? I vote yes, you seem to want him there And it is his . Ask him what he wants . FYI my df is recovering from relapse . It's hard but if he's making an effort to get better then he deserves to see the birth . Maybe it'll give him a boost to change

We both want the marriage to work which is why neither of us has filed for a divorce. He says he cannot get better without me by his side, but I tried and could not raise our daughter in that type of environment. I didn't feel it was safe for her.

My main question that I guess I did not phrase well enough is basically: Is it selfish of me to want him there to support me during the labor and delivery? Sort of like: "Ta-da! Here is your brand new daughter. Now leave us alone. I'll call you next week when we have enough energy to visit you and your mother ..." I would never say that, but that is what I feel like he would think I was meaning.

srm8824
by Bronze Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 11:30 PM
1 mom liked this

It's up to you. It's your birth!

You seem like you do want him in there with you and if you do, that is okay! 

srm8824
by Bronze Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 11:31 PM

I just wanted to tell you I don't think you're being selfish whatsoever for wanting him there but it's nice you are thinking of his feelings. It may be worse for him if he had to wait to see her but also didn't get to see her birth, know what I mean? Does he want to be in the room?

Quoting KREX0914:
Quoting rwcw89: Is the separation permanent or are u willing to work with him after he's clean? I vote yes, you seem to want him there And it is his . Ask him what he wants . FYI my df is recovering from relapse . It's hard but if he's making an effort to get better then he deserves to see the birth . Maybe it'll give him a boost to change

We both want the marriage to work which is why neither of us has filed for a divorce. He says he cannot get better without me by his side, but I tried and could not raise our daughter in that type of environment. I didn't feel it was safe for her.My main question that I guess I did not phrase well enough is basically: Is it selfish of me to want him there to support me during the labor and delivery? Sort of like: "Ta-da! Here is your brand new daughter. Now leave us alone. I'll call you next week when we have enough energy to visit you and your mother ..." I would never say that, but that is what I feel like he would think I was meaning.


babie113
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 11:34 PM
its totally your call .if you are comfortable with his presence and feel he would be good support then sure why not .
EninJenniLouis
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 11:35 PM
Ask him how he feels given your visitation arrangement. He will probably want to be there even if he can't be in her life more than a couple hours a week.
Luvmy2babies22
by Silver Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 12:56 AM
3 moms liked this

 My first reaction was to say yes until I got to the addiction issue.  If there's a chance he's going to show up high or drunk (whatever his issue is) then, no, I would not want him there.

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