Ever had a birth that didn't turn out the way you wanted it to?
Update: Thank you all for your support, you've been very sweet. I think I will get that second opinion. I don't have GD, I'm a vegetarian actually. I've had perfect blood pressure although my BMI is over 40 (I was overweight before I got pregnant, that's why). Here's hoping for the best!
I'd been trying for ten months with DH, didn't expect us to take so long after a miscarriage, but when we found out I was pregnant I was excited and I had definite plans for the birth. I sought out a wonderful team of midwives, signed up for birthing classes, applied for the natural birthing suite at my local hospital (very little privacy afforded in the apartment we lived in) and I was dead set on a wonderful drug free birth supported by DH and my best friend.
But it's not going to happen.
I went to my latest appointment and was told my daughter was too big for me to be a candidate for natural birth. She was 10 lbs 3 oz as of Wednesday, and I'm only 36 weeks along. I know it's the safest thing because I would otherwise risk paralysis in her shoulder but I couldn't help but cry. This was not in my plans. I wanted to bond with her right away, do skin to skin contact immediately, be able to do tummy time with her in those first weeks but I can't not with the drugs in my system and the incision that needs to heal. DH is willing to do what I can't but I feel terribly jealous and robbed of those first few moments. What if she doesn't connect with me, and my milk doesn't come in so I can at least breastfeed her? She'd need me even less because anyone can give her a bottle. Is it too much for me to want to give her something only I can give her, so I can bond with her? It's making me resent all the people who are coming to see us in the first few days and weeks because they'll know and be trying to help and all of them are going to want to hold her and feed her and I'll be on my back with staples, glue, stitches and God knows what else holding me together. I'm not a resentful or hateful person most of the time. I'm just sad and distressed.
Did anyone else have something like this happen?