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Ever had a birth that didn't turn out the way you wanted it to?

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:28 AM
  • 43 Replies

Update: Thank you all for your support, you've been very sweet. I think I will get that second opinion. I don't have GD, I'm a vegetarian actually. I've had perfect blood pressure although my BMI is over 40 (I was overweight before I got pregnant, that's why). Here's hoping for the best!

I'd been trying for ten months with DH, didn't expect us to take so long after a miscarriage, but when we found out I was pregnant I was excited and I had definite plans for the birth. I sought out a wonderful team of midwives, signed up for birthing classes, applied for the natural birthing suite at my local hospital (very little privacy afforded in the apartment we lived in) and I was dead set on a wonderful drug free birth supported by DH and my best friend.

But it's not going to happen.

I went to my latest appointment and was told my daughter was too big for me to be a candidate for natural birth. She was 10 lbs 3 oz as of Wednesday, and I'm only 36 weeks along. I know it's the safest thing because I would otherwise risk paralysis in her shoulder but I couldn't help but cry. This was not in my plans. I wanted to bond with her right away, do skin to skin contact immediately, be able to do tummy time with her in those first weeks but I can't not with the drugs in my system and the incision that needs to heal. DH is willing to do what I can't but I feel terribly jealous and robbed of those first few moments. What if she doesn't connect with me, and my milk doesn't come in so I can at least breastfeed her? She'd need me even less because anyone can give her a bottle. Is it too much for me to want to give her something only I can give her, so I can bond with her? It's making me resent all the people who are coming to see us in the first few days and weeks because they'll know and be trying to help and all of them are going to want to hold her and feed her and I'll be on my back with staples, glue, stitches and God knows what else holding me together. I'm not a resentful or hateful person most of the time. I'm just sad and distressed.

Did anyone else have something like this happen?

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:19 AM
Is this your first? Maybe try a secind opinion. Have you ever had pelvic priblems before?
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:35 AM
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I agree, you could always get a second opinion. A lot of births don't go as planned and neither did mine. I ended up having to be induced which led to a c-section. I cried my eyes out but it was not a bad experience at all. I was able to breastfeed and there was an instant connection. I was even up and walking around before my sister whom had a vaginal birth. She had a horrible experience wherein I had a good one. If you can do vaginal that would be awesome, but don't hate everyone if you have to get a cesarian because it definitely may not be as bad as you think.

by Kristen-Danielle on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:39 AM

I told my doctor I didn't want an episiodoty, or to use the plunger or tweezer looking things on the babies head. She said pushing was "taking too long" and decided to use all three without even consulting me.

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:48 AM
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The thing is, planning a birth is like planning your first ride down a ski slope: it's a nice calming thought to hold on to but it rarely works out the way you intended. A large part of birth (& parenthood in some ways) is relinquishing control, and this is very hard for certain types of personalities (myself included!).  But there isn't a way around this. Bonding doesn't happen over the first few minutes or hours. It happens over the first few months. Your body will produce plenty of milk, even if you don't see the baby at all. A friend of mine just had to deliver a stillborn child and to add insult to injury, her milk just wouldn't quit. My own kiddo made an appearance at 30 weeks gestation and I wasn't awake for his birth (emergency c-section), nor did I see him the first day. Sure, I missed out on all kinds of experiences, didn't hold him until he was 4 days old, didn't breastfeed at all.. but the bond we share is incredibly powerful, beyond anything I would have hoped for while planning my perfect birth. My c-section recovery was incredibly easy: I was on my feet and checked out of the hospital 36 hrs after the procedure. The drugs they give you these days.. Just hold on to the fact that if you trust your care in to the hands of medical professionals who have done this before a thousand times, and who will guide you through this *planned & non-emergency* procedure, you will get to see & hold your baby within less than an hour. And she will be perfectly healthy to boot. Good luck & hugs.

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:40 AM
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Sonograms are NOT accurate with weight. Please hold out and try to labor- not just agree to the csection.
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:41 AM

 I expected to have DS1 vaginally and ended up with emergency c-section

by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:43 AM
How could they possibly know for certain how much she weighs? It sounds like the dr wanta you to work on their schedule.
I would be seeking out another opinion.
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 11:38 AM
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First, if they're measuring her weight by ultrasound, that weight can off by a pound or more. DO NOT trust the weight-by-ultrasound.

Second, my SIL's FIRST child was 10lbs 2oz and she delivered him vaginally, no problem. She's a small person too, very skinny.

Third, my first pregnancy was NOTHING like what I wanted. I wanted to go 100% drug free and have him vaginally. He entered this world via emergency C-section. His head was too big, and my "bony structure" was too small.

Another thought, your milk won't come in right away no matter HOW your child enteres into this world. The first couple of days all you give baby is colostrum. That's when baby will get all your anitbodies and all that. It's a GOOD thing. I was able to nurse my second child right away (my first has to go to the special care nursery, long, frustrating story there). As long as your baby doesn't have any complications, s/he should be in the room with you and you can nurse right away, and as often as you want to.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Sounds like they're trying to bully you into a csection for their benefit. Large babies can be delivered just fine in the hands and knees position. You need a second opinion
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 12:07 PM
I agree with a second opinion. A friend of mine was pushed into a c-section for the same reason you listed, and her over 10 lb baby was under 9 lbs. There was no reason for her to have a surgical delivery, and her recovery hasn't been great. Ultrasounds are not accurate for weight estimates.
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