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Something no-one wants to talk about but every woman SHOULD

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:30 AM
  • 34 Replies

I'm getting ready to have my fourth repeat c-section plus a tubal and recently my df and I discussed what would happen if something we're to go wrong. While it's not something I even WANT to think about I believe it's very important for all pregnant women to talk about with their SO and family members. I tried talking to my mom but she kinda refused and blew it off saying Oh you'll be fine. However the fate of my kids and unborn baby is NOT  something I want to leave up to the unknown. 

I have two older kids (11 & 9) with my ex and my SO and I have a 18month son together. I want it to be well known what my wishes are. I want my older kids to go stay with my mom who will let my ex have them on the weekends and my df and son to get together with my mom at least every other Sunday. I want my yds and this baby to be with their dad with my mom helping when/how she can. Although I know my older kids would HAVE to live with their dad I want my mom to fight to get at least joint custody. 

In the event that the doctors for whatever reason can only save me or the baby I want baby to be saved at all cost. 

Ok ladies I want to know, have you discussed the "what ifs" with your SO? Do you know what you want to happen in a worst case scenario? Share it here!

by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:37 AM
We have discussed and if something happens to me my SO is moving back home (we are living on the west coast for a couple years but are from the east coast) so his family can help and my mom is close by to help and see the baby as well. I think it's always important to have those conversations.
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:44 AM
We haven't discussed it at length but it's pretty obvious that all our kids would stay with dh since they are all his. He'd get plenty of help from his family so I have no worries there. As for saving me or the baby, dh has said from the get go that his decision would be to save me, which I respect.
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 9:59 AM
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 You need a living will, something in writing if you feel really strongly about this.

by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:20 AM
We have, and we said, if it came down to me or baby, it'd be me. If something were to happen to either dh or me, kids would stay with the other parent (they're all ours) and it would be ok. We have wills and life insurance and families that would be there to give support and help.
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by Silver Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:25 AM

We did, when my induction was scheduled. We went out to dinner that night and I told him flat out that if it came down to it, save our son. 

We aren't having another baby, so thankfully I won't be placed in a situation where we have to decide if *I* stay here for my son, or if they save the new baby instead of me. I can't even imagine that situation in the first place. So sad. :( 

We do have living wills though, to tie up any loose ends if something were to happen to both of us. I would highly suggest that, if you don't already have them.

by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:44 AM
I had my fourth c-section and tubal in January. My DF was really worried so we didn't talk about it. Everything went perfectly and honestly I just knew it would. If something had happened I think DF would of completely fallen apart trying to raise four boys alone and his mom and my mom would probably step up to help him.
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by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:25 PM
I have talked some with my husband about what if's. If it came to saving baby or me I figure that he can make that decision. I already have a family to care for and if I were lost it would be very hard for them. But I also don't fear death. So if my Husband wanted to save the baby then that is fine with me too. If I lived then I would have to learn to move on from the pain and appreciate life. And if I did not then my family would be moving on in life. I've told my Husband that if I died I want him to get re-married as soon as he felt able to. I don't want my children to grow up without a mommy. And my husband is a sweet man who does well with a wife caring for him. A lot of women want to be housewifes and mommies. So if I died I just hope that gives another woman the chance to experience what I have.
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 1:53 PM
No I haven't discussed it with anyone. My older two would live with their dad and my youngest would live with her dad. Although, I should make them come to some kind of agreement for all my kids to see each other at least once a week and for holidays.
by Amber on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:00 PM

If it was between my life or my baby's life, I would want to be saved. I can't leave my already existing children motherless, three would be worse. 

by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:24 PM
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We haven't talked about it much... But ds would go to exh.. Which is somethng that terrifies me.  If it comes down to me or baby, it's me...  I have another child I have to think about and I do not want to leave him motherless.

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