Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Pregnancy Pregnancy

First time mom blues

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:06 PM
  • 11 Replies
Hi my name is Jess I am 27 yrs old and my husband and I are expecting our first baby in January and I am new to this (obviously)I joined because I need positive feed back with pretty much anything about this pregnancy. I'm lost and confused and have no idea where else to go. as a ftm at 13 weeks, everything is so far so good with baby and i but i have known so many girls that have had miscarriages and have known 3 women to have a miscarriage at 20 weeks that this is all i keep thinking about.i have had many people tell me that because this is my first pregnancy i will most likely miscarry. i have stressed out about this so much that its beginning to make me depressed. My husband is very excited as is everyone that we, and when i say we i mean he has told lol i just cant get into the happiness of having a baby, i just want throw away all negatives out the window and be happy. I have lost my mother and my grandmother so i really dont have anyone to confide in to make this feeling go away! please help, suggestions and words of courage would be greatly appreciated! thanks
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:06 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
LoveMyBug2013
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi Jess,

I think the fear of miscarriage is the absolute biggest concern for any mother--first time or not.  I know it didn't ease up for me until the little one was in my arms.  Now, I'm 9 weeks with my second and the same thing.

Try to find people who have had positive experiences.  If you are healthy and you have seen a heartbeat and everything seems to be going well, try to hang on and enjoy the ride.  I know it's super hard and you will worry.  I can't say anything to guarantee that nothing will happen.  Some things are beyond our control. 

Do what you can that is in your control--eat well (avoid raw fish/meat, lunch meat, wash veggies and fruit well, etc), don't smoke or drink, exercise but be gentle (walk, don't run a marathon), avoid laying on your back, stay well hydrated, avoid trauma such as roller coasters or abusive relationships.  Other than that, just hold on.

I have not heard that it is more likely to miscarry the first.  It can happen any time during any pregnancy.  Unless you have a history of problems (mother or sister miscarried, PCOS, known weak cervix, etc.) it's totally random.

Keep in mind that at 13 weeks the risk is very very low.  Generally what happens for a m/c is that the fetus is not formed properly and has a fatal genetic mutation that would preclude survival outside of the womb.  In this case, the pregnancy spontaneously terminates.  Yes, there are rare freak things that happen later on and the fact that you had 3 friends that it happened to is very unusual and very sad.

We are here if you need anything.  Please feel free to reach out.  It will get easier in about 2 months when you start feeling movement. 

Heather2001
by Heather on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Hi there!  Congrats and welcome to the group, hun. 

It's normal to worry, but you aren't any more likely to miscarry with your first pregnancy. 

nebcutie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I am always worried and this is my second. To help i ordered my own heart doppler on ebay so i can check on him all i want too!! They are under $50 and so great to have to help relax. They say that they work best after 18 -20 weeks. Try and not stress to much and take it easy.
JStover
by New Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:38 PM
Thanks, I'm happy that I'm not the only one out there that worries about this. I have had no symptoms as to being pregnant besides peeing a lot lol and very tender breasts and obviously a missed period, so I think that this is a part of me worrying so much. I was thinking the same thing about feeling better when I start to feel movements. The ultra sounds has shown baby moving around A LOT! It's weird to me that I no baby is in there but not feeling anything!
As my aunt has told me that our family has carried all babies full term no problems. Except for my mom who with us had us (I'm a twin) at 6 months but that was due to a kick in the stomach my a horse, but carried my younger brother full term.
nebcutie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 3:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I started to worry more when things lightened up...it is odd that we are happier to feel like crap then we are to hit the best few months of it. Lol my morning sickness stuck around but everything else went away. Thats why i got the doppler.

Quoting JStover: Thanks, I'm happy that I'm not the only one out there that worries about this. I have had no symptoms as to being pregnant besides peeing a lot lol and very tender breasts and obviously a missed period, so I think that this is a part of me worrying so much. I was thinking the same thing about feeling better when I start to feel movements. The ultra sounds has shown baby moving around A LOT! It's weird to me that I no baby is in there but not feeling anything!
As my aunt has told me that our family has carried all babies full term no problems. Except for my mom who with us had us (I'm a twin) at 6 months but that was due to a kick in the stomach my a horse, but carried my younger brother full term.
Pandapanda
by Cafe Panda on Jul. 12, 2014 at 12:38 PM

I agree. I was even worried with my 3rd!

Quoting nebcutie: I am always worried and this is my second. To help i ordered my own heart doppler on ebay so i can check on him all i want too!! They are under $50 and so great to have to help relax. They say that they work best after 18 -20 weeks. Try and not stress to much and take it easy.


Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickers
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
ashleywagoner
by Silver Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 9:56 PM
It is so natural to worry.. I was that way with my first & this time too. When my son was born, I worried so much about SIDS. I remember holding him in the middle of the night and feeling so much love but tears streaming down my face worrying. And I would just pray over him anytime I felt that worry. I realized that it is part of a mother's love and that I would always be worried about him! Prayer helps me. Same way with my baby girl I am pregnant with. It is just a whole new kind of responsibility and love. Hugs mama!
booaura
by Aurabella on Jul. 12, 2014 at 9:59 PM
Welcome to the group. It is normal to worry and have fears. And unfortunately, it is normal to miscarry. Once you pass 12 weeks though, the risk drops dramatically. Worry and stress doesn't do anyone any favors, so, (easier said than done, I know) try not to worry. If it happens, it happens. If not, it won't, and you'll have spent the time worrying. I've had two pregnancies, and two babies. I'm currently pregnant with twins, and despite how ill I've been, they're doing great.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amberNewman0213
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 10:01 PM
It's natural to worry but I can't believe anyone telling a pregnant woman they will most likely miss carry cause of a first pregnancy.

Things happen for reasons we never understand. I wouldn't worry. Everything seems going great and u past the 12 week mark. It's very unlikely u will misscarry. And miss carrying so late in pregnancy is very very rare.
JStover
by New Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 3:03 PM
Thank you ladies for the words of encouragement! It really really means a lot to me! And now I no that I am not the only one that worries, I may worry a little more than normal but I think that's because I'm scared/nervous. Again I can't thank you enough!!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)