by Jodi Meltzer
Being able to close the door to pee in peace is surprisingly enjoyable. A glass of wine on the porch after a long day is enjoyable. A girls’ night out is crazy enjoyable. But giving birth? Come on now!
While the study (shockingly!) found that many moms feel giving birth equals a good time, 64 percent of those surveyed did admit that it was the most physically painful experience of their lives. Now that we can agree on (especially if that number was closer to, say ... 100 percent).
Perhaps they meant to say the experience of meeting their baby for the first time was 'enjoyable' but giving birth was a living hell? That's the only way I can process these findings in my brain.
More From The Stir: I Didn't Get the Birth Experience I Expected
I endured butchery by an incompetent IV nurse, a failed epidural, 45 hours of labor, and nearly three hours of pushing before I was wheeled in for my C-section. You know those women who look like supermodels after giving birth? The ones who walk out of the hospital glowing in their pre-pregnancy jeans with no muffin top in sight? I was not one of them. The blood vessels popped in my face. I somehow wound up with a black eye. And, to my horror,I still looked six months pregnant. I required a two-week buffer before my “newborn” photo session with my son. Photoshop was no match for my puffy, bruised face that could have been mistaken for a boxer’s post-knockout or Lindsay Lohan’s after a bender.
Before the actual birth, I was subjected to months of anxiety about being an older momwith scary statistics messing with my mind every night before bed. The anatomy scan. The epidural. The pre-eclampsia. I secretly envied my mom who gave birth before all of the savvy medical technology. She took a pregnancy test and had me nine months later. End of story. She may have even sneaked in some coffee or alcohol or -- gasp! -- skipped her prenatal vitamins. That would explain a lot, but I digress.
My birth experience was so bad, I got my tubes tied during the C-section. Closed up shop right there. While I felt blissfully happy when I first held my son in my aching arms, I was also thrilled my intensely painful birth ordeal finally came to an end. After a 2.2-second recovery time, I started caring for my baby 24/7. Not so enjoyable! I could think of some things I’d rather do on a Saturday night.
Was your birth experience enjoyable?
Image via © iStock.com/Spanishalex