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The taboo of miscarriage.

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 12:32 PM
  • 15 Replies
4 moms liked this

I know this is the pregnancy group and that there is a separate group for miscarriage and loss support. But miscarriage is a hidden fact of pregnancy and so I'm putting it here.

Today was my due date.

I should be holding a tiny precious little nugget of warmth and milk breath. Instead, I'm burying myself in my crocheting, in my books, and in the comfort of my husband.

A lot of women don't talk about their miscarriages for various reasons. Early miscarriages, especially, are often shrugged off by many. Direct quote: Why are you so upset over what was basically a late period?

That was my baby. From the moment I know they are there I love them. I dream about them and hope for them and plan for them. My feelings are valid, even if others think "it was just a ball of cells" (another direct quote-and no, it wasn't)

ANYWAY, I'm not posting this to get pity or sympathy. I'm posting it because I know there are many more women who have been in my shoes, and maybe this will help them know that it's ok to talk about your loss. It's ok to grieve. It doesn't matter what anyone says. Your story matters.

http://erynlynum.com/early-miscarriage-anything-normal/

http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/miscarriage

by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 12:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shiny76
by Stephine on Apr. 20, 2016 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

i agree, i had a early miscarriage a few years back. i didn't even know i was pregnant at the time, but i can also understand why pregnant women get so uncomfortable around the topic. We want to be joyful and celebrate the life inside of us, and we hurt when we see someone elses life fade out due to miscarriage. It creates a fear, and anxiety and guilt in women who are pregnant still, or just found out and wanna share the news. our minds race with those emotions and feelings and fears, and suddenly we're stuck in an akward moment not knowing what we should do, and not wanting to be insensitive. it's hard to lose a child (and yes i even consider a embryo of a few weeks a child) it's every mothers nightmare and the women who go through this my heart breaks everytime i see a post, but i dunno what to say nothing i do or say can make it better, i know nothing made it better for me except time.

cabrandy03
by Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 12:52 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree, it's something woman shouldn't feel shamful or embarrassed to talk about. Sorry for your loss. I lost a baby just a few weeks before I got pregnant with this one. My due date would have been this Friday. And while I am so happy and blessed to have this new healthy baby growing inside me now, I am still grieving for the one we lost. I don't care how early a loss it was, that was my baby and I already loved it.
meghs82285
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 4:57 PM
❤️
C.H.E.L.S.E.A
by Silver Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:25 PM

I'm sorry momma. Days like that are so rough. I totally agree with everything you said. There is still such a taboo around miscarriage and pregnancy loss. It happens so frequently and yet it doesn't seem like it because no one wants to talk about it. Women end up feeling alone in their grief, which can make the whole experience feel so much worse. I always talk about my daughter, who was stillborn. She'll always be a big part of our family and an important part of my life. I couldn't imagine not talking about her. All lives are important, even the ones who didn't get to stay long.

Raeann11
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 7:03 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm one that never wanted a bunch of people to know and still don't. After I had my first miscarriage. I found out what close family members I could not talk to about it. I have my wonderful husband and four friends. It's something that does not come up much. I did talk to one of hubby's Aunt about it. After my second miscarriage I was having issues and she is a nurse. I wanted to get her input before I went in. She was so wonderful about me feeling better about it. Still hardly anyone knows. They way I prefer. That is just me. I know not everyone feels the same.

When others have ever brought it up. I let them talk and get it out.
Azure
by Group Admin on Apr. 20, 2016 at 7:15 PM


Quoting Raeann11: I'm sorry for your loss. I'm one that never wanted a bunch of people to know and still don't. After I had my first miscarriage. I found out what close family members I could not talk to about it. I have my wonderful husband and four friends. It's something that does not come up much. I did talk to one of hubby's Aunt about it. After my second miscarriage I was having issues and she is a nurse. I wanted to get her input before I went in. She was so wonderful about me feeling better about it. Still hardly anyone knows. They way I prefer. That is just me. I know not everyone feels the same. When others have ever brought it up. I let them talk and get it out.

I hear you. My parents and sister only know about one because of the awful things they said when I told them about my first. I've had three, and if I have my way they'll never know about the other two.


Raeann11
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 7:26 PM
Hugs, my mother and SIL made me feel like carp when I had my first. My mother still has no clue I have had three more. My SIL does only because my MIL asked how I was doing. My SIL asked what was going on. I had my third shortly before we saw them once. We only see them every couple of years. So I said something. She was understand this time. Still said, "Well at least it's not that bad. You never saw or held the baby." So I had to tell her yes I did and relive that moment in time. I honestly wish I could forget about. I still tear up thinking about it.

Quoting Azure:

Quoting Raeann11: I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm one that never wanted a bunch of people to know and still don't. After I had my first miscarriage. I found out what close family members I could not talk to about it. I have my wonderful husband and four friends. It's something that does not come up much. I did talk to one of hubby's Aunt about it. After my second miscarriage I was having issues and she is a nurse. I wanted to get her input before I went in. She was so wonderful about me feeling better about it. Still hardly anyone knows. They way I prefer. That is just me. I know not everyone feels the same.

When others have ever brought it up. I let them talk and get it out.

I hear you. My parents and sister only know about one because of the awful things they said when I told them about my first. I've had three, and if I have my way they'll never know about the other two.

sapphirelibra
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 11:31 PM
So much truth. You said it perfectly. My thoughts are with you today.
MichaelaG
by Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 10:51 AM
My first pregnancy was ectopic. It was a horrible, heartbreaking experience followed by years of infertility. I went on to have 5 healthy babies, but my 7th pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. My exh was glad, as he didn't want anymore children at that point and had suggested an abortion (I am staunchly pro life). He couldn't understand at all why I was upset and left for a business trip the following day. I knew I would get through it since I had gone through the ectopic, but it was the breaking point in our marriage.
MichaelaG
by Member on Apr. 21, 2016 at 10:53 AM
I also wanted to add that when my due date came for both lost pregnancies, I was the only one grieving. It is a lonely experience. Most people forget all about it, but mothers never do.
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