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I need Baby Shower advice

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:04 AM
  • 14 Replies

My mom asked me about my baby shower this weekend, and to be honest, I hadn't even thought about it yet. But now she wants to know who is hosting and when it is and where it will be.

So I asked my sister about it, and she can't really be in charge since she has a newborn at home and doesn't have time or money to really put one together.

My mom said that she only wants to host it if she gets to be 100% in charge. But the problem with that is me and my mom do not like any of the same things when it comes to showers. We tried to plan my wedding together and it was a disaster. So I really don't want her to be the one in charge of the baby shower.

My DD cheers with a little girl whose mom keeps asking me over and over about the shower and she seems really excited about it, even though we really aren't close. We only see each other at practices and cheer events. However, I am thinking about asking her if she wants to plan the shower with me, since I dont have anyone else who can do it and she seems really excited about it. & we seem to have the same styles.

My DH thinks it would be really wierd to ask her. So should I just plan the shower by myself, but pretend that someone else did so it's not tacky that I planned my own shower, or should I ask the girl if she wants to do it? I really wanted my shower to be a surprise for me and I thought my family would take it over, but they all kind of made it seem like they don't want to do it or that it would be a burden for them. So I think I should either do it myself, ask the girl, or just not have a shower at all. Any advice, please?

by on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
K3412
by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 11:13 AM
2 moms liked this

In my opinion, you don't ask someone to throw a shower for you or throw it yourself. It's incredibly tacky. If they want to throw one, someone will volunteer. If a friend or someone in your family (and usually not your mom) steps up, then there's a shower. If not, then no shower. 

If you really want the friend to throw one, the next time she says something about it, let her know that as far as you know, no shower is being planned. Maybe she'll understand and throw one for you. But don't straight out ask. So tacky.

5nFighting
by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 11:21 AM


Quoting K3412:

In my opinion, you don't ask someone to throw a shower for you or throw it yourself. It's incredibly tacky. If they want to throw one, someone will volunteer. If a friend or someone in your family (and usually not your mom) steps up, then there's a shower. If not, then no shower. 

If you really want the friend to throw one, the next time she says something about it, let her know that as far as you know, no shower is being planned. Maybe she'll understand and throw one for you. But don't straight out ask. So tacky.

I agree with this.

C&E~4/4/2009

H~5/9/2002T~1/5/2011N~12/19/11, L~7/11/2013A~1/27/2015 (our stillborn angel)Rainbow coming 11/23/2017

SSMama0209
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 11:53 AM

My daughter is throwing me a diaper party. She volunteered. She's 14, but is doing an awesome job so far. I don't feel it's tacky to ask someone if they'd like to throw a shower for you. Sometimes you're away from family, and I know some people are hesitant as they don't want to step on toes. However, if you want a shower to be a surprise then why not let your mom do it 100%. For it to be a surprise you shouldn't work with her on it.

luckyinlife
by on Mar. 20, 2017 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this
IMO someone throwing you a shower is a gift from them to you. I truly do not understand these posts complaining about the hostess. I have has two baby showers in my Mommy years and had zero say in both parties. I was humble, gracious and thankful anyone cared enough to throw them.

To answer your question though, yes it would be tacky to ask someone to throw you a shower.
Cheermomma13
by New Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 2:01 PM

My problem with the hostess in this case, if it was my mother, is that she wants to host the party at her house. However, they smoke in the house and have three dogs. The house is not very clean and smells very heavily of dog and cigarette smoke. I do not even feel comfortable sitting on the couch when I go to visit them. I either sit at the kitchen table or just stand the whole time. I would not like for my new baby stuff to be there getting covered in dog hair and smoke : ( If she was willing to host it elsewhere, I wouldn't really have a problem with it even though our tastes are different, I just don't want it to be held at her house. & I don't think she is going to veer from having it there if she is hosting.

Quoting luckyinlife: IMO someone throwing you a shower is a gift from them to you. I truly do not understand these posts complaining about the hostess. I have has two baby showers in my Mommy years and had zero say in both parties. I was humble, gracious and thankful anyone cared enough to throw them. To answer your question though, yes it would be tacky to ask someone to throw you a shower.


Sassym0m24
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 2:33 PM
When I want through a very similar situation, I decided to not have one and spend the money on baby.
Sophie1106
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 2:53 PM
I wouldn't ask someone and I wouldn't plan my own. If nobody offered to throw me a shower then I just wouldn't have one. In your case I'd just let my mom throw it. I wouldn't care if it wasn't exactly how I'd do things.
anxiousschk
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 3:09 PM

If you want your shower to be a surprise for you -- let your mother do it and be happy someone is willing to throw you a shower, even if you may not love the details.  

It's not about the details, it's about the fact that you're grateful someone is throwing you a shower. 

I am one that thinks it's not appropriate to throw yourself a shower.  

So, if you can't handle giving up the control to someone who wants to throw it for you -- then I think it's okay not to have one.  



anxiousschk
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 3:11 PM

In that case I think it's acceptable to tell her that you'd love for her to throw you a shower and she can be 100% in charge on the one condition that it be held anywhere else.  

If that is a condition she can't meet -- then maybe no shower.  

I do understand being inflexible with the smoking thing, I would be too.  

I'd say the same thing - "Mom, I'd love to have you host, but we can't do it at your place.  Is that okay?"  If she said that's where it would have to be -- then I'd say no thank you.  

Quoting Cheermomma13:

My problem with the hostess in this case, if it was my mother, is that she wants to host the party at her house. However, they smoke in the house and have three dogs. The house is not very clean and smells very heavily of dog and cigarette smoke. I do not even feel comfortable sitting on the couch when I go to visit them. I either sit at the kitchen table or just stand the whole time. I would not like for my new baby stuff to be there getting covered in dog hair and smoke : ( If she was willing to host it elsewhere, I wouldn't really have a problem with it even though our tastes are different, I just don't want it to be held at her house. & I don't think she is going to veer from having it there if she is hosting.

Quoting luckyinlife: IMO someone throwing you a shower is a gift from them to you. I truly do not understand these posts complaining about the hostess. I have has two baby showers in my Mommy years and had zero say in both parties. I was humble, gracious and thankful anyone cared enough to throw them. To answer your question though, yes it would be tacky to ask someone to throw you a shower.


.bombshell.
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 3:21 PM
Honestly who gives a shit if you throw your own? I hate that people call it tacky. It's tacky to want to celebrate the life of your child?? Ugh rant over lol.

On that note, throw it yourself who gives a Fuck... They're not paying for it. I'm throwing my own this Saturday. Well my family is paying for some of the stuff like my mom is buying the drinks, my sil is making this fruit drink, my mother in law is cooking food but I'm buying the ingredients, my bfs aunt is paying for and making something else and my other sil is doing cake pops. But none of them offered until after the fact that I said were throwing our own.
If you don't trust your mom than do it yourself 😊
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