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Can I just tell her off?

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:22 PM
  • 6 Replies

So my DH's grandparents came up to take us out to luch before baby #2 arrives (which is Mon. Dec 22 by the way:)  I realize that his granda is old fashioned, but she just about sent me over the edge in record time.  To start with she would not let up on my daughter about sitting up straight, holding her spoon correctly, constantly telling her not to dip her crackers in her soup, etc.  Wel, then she invited themselves over to our house. 

Now for starters, my DH and I are not the most organized or could be considered clean freaks by any stretch of the term, but we try.  And we've had a lot going on lately, so our house is a little messier than usual, and we told them so.  Well, they came over anyway.  When they got there, my DH showed his grandpa the several remodeling projects in various stages of disarray.  Well, his grandma sat down and wanted to "talk" to me.  Basically, she wanted to find out if now that we were going to have 2 kids, if I was going to stay at home.  I explained to her that I knew myself well enough to realize that I was not the stay at home type.  I explained that chances are I wouldn't be sent away for work as much or for as long of periods of time as before, but it was still a possibility that DH and I have already discussed.  Her exact words were, "Do you think that's a wise idea?  You can't even properly take care of a house with one child, what makes you think it'll be different with 2?  How can you put your career before your family?"

I told DH what she said after she left, and he told me to just let it go.  But I just want to tell her off 

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:22 PM
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by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:41 PM

YES, tell her off!

My Dhs grandmother JUST did this to me not to o long ago and I was LIVID!

My Dh told my MIL about it and MIL was HORRIFIED for me and had a chat with her Mother about it and told her to knock her crap off. It is a good thing because I would have said something myself if she hadnt.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:48 PM

i'd tell her it's none of her business.

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:51 PM

You should get a little sign for your house that says:

"Good moms have messy houses and happy children."


by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:55 PM

I would tell her that her opinions sound like a personal problem to me but that I wouldnt be changing my mind.

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 8:19 PM

Just smile and nod, letting it go in one ear and out the other.  Telling her off, while briefly satisfying, will not do any good.

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 8:48 PM

If the subject comes up again, or if you have any type of conflict with her in the future, I would tell her that you guys clearly have different views on what it means to "properly take care of a house". You have a child, for pete's sake...your house is supposed to be messy!! If she raised a bazillion children without so much as a toy on the floor or an overflowing trash can, well then she truly is superwoman and congrats to her.

I don't think anything you say to her is going to make a difference. In her eyes, obviously she thinks you should be staying home with your kids. But she is not you (or your husband, or your daughter!) and so she cannot possibly know what is best for your or your family. Chalk it up to a different generation, and if she wants to have a "talk" again, then feel free to tell her that YOU will be making the decisions for your family, and nothing she can say will change your mind.

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