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HELP! NEED SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 6:56 PM
  • 13 Replies

Here I  was so happy to find out that I was finally having another child after four years of trying, well I told all the family and started buying all my maternity clothes like crazy. Then it hit me. I had a miscarrige two days ago. I have a four year old son in pre-k and my husband that I take care of so now instead of going crazy and going off a bridge in my car, I have to act like everything is fine and ask what the F**k everyone wants for dinner!  Like I give a crap about food right now, Im so upset that I feel like ripping anyones head off. What can I do now? My husband tells me not to worry that we will try againg as soon as we can. it wont replace my baby that was taken from me but I dont think i can make it without trying for another one. But now Im terrified that I wont be able to even get pregnant again. Does anybody have any kind of help for me to be able to go on with my daily things without rocking back and fourth in a corner and forgetting that my husband hurting to?  I feel bad for him to but he wont show his feelings everyday and all times of the day. Yes! he did break down but he's jut quiet now. i dont want our marriage to suffer for it. am i being selfish for wanting to breakdown for anything?

                                                                  mother hurting and empty inside.

RODMOM2009


by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 6:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mom2LiamNMolly
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:01 PM

((((((hugs))))))

I don't know that this will help NOW.. but eventually it will. I lost a baby somewhere between 12 and 16 weeks (16 week visit there was no heartbeat) before I had Liam. I was DEVASTATED... I drank myself into a stupor... And then I got pregnant with Liam 3 months later... but I still missed the baby I lost... but one day after Liam was here it hit me...

I wouldn't have my precious Liam if that child had been born. It doesn't make me feel the loss any less... but it makes me feel that there is a reason for everything that happens... even the loss of a child or baby...

                 motherhood-quote21


Stefanie - Mommy to Liam Patrick 07/07 (IUGR) and Molly Kate 06/08 (IUGR, Pre-Natal Stroke, Developmental Delays, and Failure to Thrive) and Wife to Mark since 2/17/2006

Tina1007
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:01 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, We lost our first baby back in June at 12 weeks. If you need someone to talk to please message me, its been 7 months and its still hard, but it does get easier. You will have your good and bad days..I am praying for you

TickerShack.com Ticker
allensavannahs
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:17 PM

hugshey there! I don't know what I can say to lighten you heart. I know my heart still weighs heavy everyday.  i know my babies couldnt be with me on this earth because thier bodys were too weak. I know that in my head but my heart says why couldnt I make their bodies stronger....

it isnt what we want. no way no how.  And for the moment its all we can think about.  I can tell you for me it gets easier. everyday my heart heals a little more.  And every day I'm scared to death that the son growing in my womb will not take his first breath or will leave me shortly afterward. 

I have my 29 weeks with my darling angel, I will remeber those weeks forever.

i'm sorry your hurting If I ...any of us moms could take it away we would ....

lil_bittie
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:21 PM

Only time can heal.  It can take weeks, months, even years to recover a miscarriage.  It will get easier.  Just one step at a time.  Then all of a sudden you will be pregnant again and have a full term baby.  It happened to several women I know.  You will get through it.

mommyofmaknchz
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:37 PM

I too have had a miscarriage, mine was with my first pregnancy. While I was only around 6-7 weeks when I had to have a D & C, That was almost 4.5 years ago. It gets easier to deal with. It isn't something I dwell on daily but i do remember. I have the teddy bear my hubby cought the day we found out i was pregnant. It was the first a nd only thing we ever got to buy for the  baby. It was a long road for us as well to get pregnant, although not at long as you, so it made it that much harder when i lost the baby. I did get pregnant a few months after that and had a beautiful little girl. I now have 2 children and expecting a 3rd.

You need to allow yourself to grieve. While it is hard when taking care of others, you are entitled to your feelings and to express your emotions. If you want to break down and cry do so. You can't hold your feeelings inside or eventually your marriage can suffer. I am sorry for your loss and all i can say is allow yourself to grieve and as the days go by it will get easier to deal with.

moms11angels
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:49 PM

Hello, I also had a stillborn at 20.5 weeks in 2003, Feb. 20th. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through! She is buried in Baltimore and her name is Faith Michele. We named her at our 17 week sono. It is still very hard and we miss her very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had 4 children since I lost her and I do look at our 4 year old as her Angel. If she was here he wouldn't be here. Allow you and your family the proper time to morn, you all will go through mixed ups and downs but do know it will get a little better and just trust God that everything happens for a reason. I do know its hard cause even for us at 20.5 weeks we still have no answers to why. I do know she is in heaven and I talk to her all the time!!!!

 

Also have faith you will concieve again and be able to have a baby.

Look if you ever need to talk please send me a message I will talk anytime.

 

Again I am sorry and know your not alone.

 

group hug

airbornewife04
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 8:09 PM

I know what you are going through. We were pregnant with our 3rd baby and come to find out he/she was in my left tube. I had to abort but before the abortion took effect..(took a chemo shot) my tube ruptured. I didnt want to do abort so I had to be hospitalized since a tubal pregnancy can rupture...well mine did and I lost a liter of blood and almost died. I can handle a miscarriage but right now I am having a hard time having to abort the child that me and my husband desperately wanted. I had no risk factors for ecopic pregnancies since I had 2 other girls which were normal ones. This happened October 26, 2008. So I am still new at losing a child. I dont even know how far along I was. My cousin lost her 1st child due to placenta detaching at 7mos pregnant and she has told me that time will heal. ever since the surgery I havent had a normal period so I am afraid I wont be able to get pregnant again. Take each day at a time and just think, the baby that you lost is now your guardian angel. Thats how I am seeing our 3rd child now. Things happen for a reason..i have asked God why he allowed the baby to implant in my left tube knowing it wouldnt live and I would have to abort a child I loved from day one...

bulldogb
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:00 PM

*hugs*  I lost a baby at 8 weeks in March and it was very hard for me.  Some people want to brush it off because it was an early pregnancy loss but you still feel it as strongly as any other loss.  It was hard for me because I felt like moving on would be "forgetting" the precious life we had created and lost, and with it being so early there was no grave or anything tangible that we could preserve.  I went out and bought a small garden statute of a hand holding a baby angel and I keep it in my garden area as a memorial to our baby.  As for your husband, there is no shame in admitting that you need time to grieve yourself.  I chose to go spend a week or so with my best friend several hours away because I needed time to grieve in peace.  I just asked those close to us to be there for my husband (and asked his family) and went to grieve.  It gave us both time to grieve privately without feeling like we had to be strong for the other.  I will pray for you and I am so sorry for your loss.  If you ever need to talk feel free to message me at anytime.


Amanda Prim * amandaprim.pureromance.com


 

Mommyof2soon411
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:27 PM

i know what your going through i lost my frist son at 23 week's due to rape it took me 6 year's to get over it and now that i'm expecting another son in just a few short week's i can't help but feel guilty that i'm in some way i'm forgetting him and then i remember i shouldn't feel that way....I know it's hard for you now but as time goes on the pain will lessen but the memory will never fade just know your baby was just to special for this world that god made him a little to perfact and took him back to be your angel to watch over and protect you from any and all harm...you will one day see him/her and untill then don't give up hope on another little bundle of joy the time will come for you to have another little peace of your heart wlking in this world.....

 

GOOD LUCK MAMA MY THOUGHT'S AND PRAYER'S ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

 

 

pregnant bellyits a boy

Alma_C
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 9:34 AM

I know how you feel. I am sure most of us have suffered  from at least one m/c.  I actually h ad two.  It does make you feel sad.I am sure there was nothing you did and it is somthing that happens due to genetic abnormality.  I still think of how many children I would have had and how old they would be including the 2 m/c. I hope you conceive again soon.  THere are some herbs for improving fertility, like vitex chastberry. Feel free to grieve, its part of the helping you get it out of your system.  You shouldn't just ignore it and pretend nothing happened.  Its hard for men to understand it.  They grief differently as well.  You cry to its all done even if you have to get a tear jerker movie to hide.  What ever works for you.

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