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i can't stand my soon to be mother in law UPDATE

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:42 PM
  • 12 Replies

My baby shower is Feb 22nd and this is my first baby. Well my SO's mom who hasn't done anything for the shower besides give everyone her two cents....told my SO today that she thinks he should be there to help me open presents bc I'm so shy. wtf! I barely talk to the women bc she never comes over and my SO can't even stand her bc she's so fake. She's trying to take over the baby shower. It's all women and it's at a restaurant/hall. Then she keeps insisting that my SO's daughters be there they are 8 and 10. My SO said they would just be bored bc there's no other kids coming and they tend to be a lot of commotion. So we decided we would celebrate with them after the shower with another cake and decorations and i could show them everything i got. My SO even said it's supposed to be about me and the baby for the shower. I'm so sick of her...now she doesn't even want me to open presents.       

Update:

My SO's mom called my mother today and first of all

1. Suggests that my mom have everyone wrap my presents in clear cellophane so I don't need to open them since I'm so shy. (If she wasn't so judgemental maybe I'd talk to her more plus I barely see the women.) My mom told her no way.

2. My mom wanted to decorate an umbrella for me for the shower and my SO's mom was like I was at a baby shower yesterday and they don't do that anymore.

3. My SO bought a big wicker chair to decorate for me sit in it was like $35 for 2 of them his mom said she wasted her money.

4. She told my mom she isn't getting us a present till after the shower and keeps complaining that she needs a 2nd job...the women has a new car, 2 houses one in the suburbs of Philadelphia and one in NJ off the bay for the summer, she goes on more vacations than anyone I know always has her hair and nails done ect. I mean she hasn't spent a dime on the shower yet and   I don't need anything expensive...christ she can spend $10 on her grandaughter I'm sure.

5. My mom told her a woman she is friends with makes cakes as a business and mom wants her to make the cake. Well SO's mom says that will cost extra since they charge a serving fee at the hall if you aren't buying their cake. Yet she wants to make some kind of alcoholic punch to bring to the shower since we aren't having alcohol and she doesn't want people to have to buy their own drink at the bar. Hello they charge a serving fee for that to since it isn't their drink. What a contradiction.

My poor mom is the type that tries to get along with everyone and doesn't like to start fights. I'm borderline starting to hate the woman which I don't want to since its my baby's grandmom.  

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by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Caidens_mommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 7:44 PM

Oh Girl, You got your hands full with that one. LOL  Hang in there!

cutiepiecakes
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 8:15 PM
I had a similar situation with my mil at my shower. she was trying to take everything over and i wasnt having it! she wanted to make her own seperate food because she didnt think that the catered food i got would be any good (my cousin made the food and he is a chef at a 5 star restaurant and people still comment on how good the food was) she wanted the tables to be arranged so all the people she invited could sit near her and not with the rest of the party! i told her no way so i purposly arranged the tables so they had no choice but to sit with the rest of the party. then she wanted her favor and favors for all the people she invited before the shower started so she could make sure that her friends got favors before everyone else at the shower, so i made sure that i didnt put the favors out until the middle of the party...lol long story short i just ignored everything she said and did my own thing and had a great time at my shower. so do your own thing and have a great time
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Jillian
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 8:25 PM

I can definately relate i want to scream almost daily if i have to talk to m MIL She has basically forced me into choosing a name for my baby and has told me that i have to have the middle name  start with an S for her father because she couldn't use it because he was alive when my Dh was born. I've never met the man and from what i hear he was nice but i have plenty of dead relatives that i would rather name him after. I wish you the best of luck and would say if you have other people at your shower that your close with like yur own mother or good friends thn try to get them to help you get her off your back. MIL should come with muzzles!


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MrsJacqueline
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:16 PM

Ugh. I am recently married, and I also happen to have a MIL from hell. I try really hard to get along with her by ignoring the rude things she says/does. Its very difficult.

You seem to be in a bit of a bad situation, as from your wording, I take it that your MIL is the one throwing the shower? If so, stand up to her a bit, do the best you can to make your shower something that you will enjoy. If you can't, then try to bail early. :)

If she's not the one throwing the shower, then tell her that you are going to do things the way that YOU want them done, as this is YOUR shower NOT HERS!

Kate613
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 1:07 PM


Quoting MrsJacqueline:

Ugh. I am recently married, and I also happen to have a MIL from hell. I try really hard to get along with her by ignoring the rude things she says/does. Its very difficult.

You seem to be in a bit of a bad situation, as from your wording, I take it that your MIL is the one throwing the shower? If so, stand up to her a bit, do the best you can to make your shower something that you will enjoy. If you can't, then try to bail early. :)

If she's not the one throwing the shower, then tell her that you are going to do things the way that YOU want them done, as this is YOUR shower NOT HERS!

My mom is pretty much throwing the shower and my SO helped her out a little bit.

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RCook
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 1:12 PM

I can relate on so many levels!  Wow, I'm sorry!

Seriously, time to tell her off now so that kind of crap doesn't go on for years.  I waited 5 years before telling mine off.  I don't know why I waited!  If you show her you are going to stand up for yourself then she will back off, but do it now girl!!!!

Kate613
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 1:35 PM

my emailed my SO's mom to find out how many people from her family are going to the shower so far bc she needs a count and this is what she sent her:

i talked to shawn and maddie and gwen are definitely joining us....so we can order
them something different like burger, chicken fingers, etc.
 
my SO told her the kids would be with him possibly at the restuaraunt they have with his friend because his wife is going. I know his mom will try to give the kids all the atention because she thinks im too shy. IM about to tell everyone just forget about the shower. His mom doesn't think i even know about it because she felt it has to be a suprise. My mom is fine with me knowing...so far my mom has paid for everything.   
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jgirl04
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 1:48 PM

While we're on the subject of venting on our MIL's, mine barely knows we exist. She bums money off of us for cigarettes and gas, and if we don't give it to her, we won't hear from her until the end of the next month, which is when she calls again for more money. At family functions and parties, she, my FIL, & BIL chew & screw. Not even a card for their granddaughter's birthday. I have a feeling she's going to take food and stuff it in her pockets, and try to leave early, which is what she does...so I can relate, just on a different level.

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MrsJacqueline
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 4:25 PM

That is such a bummer! I would just tell you MIL that you know about the shower. Then, if she starts telling you about what she wants for the shower, you can inform her that's not what you want.

I just started standing up to my MIL yesterday. She didn't like it, but I can't sit and do nothing about her pushiness anymore. If I let her start controlling things, she's never going to stop.

Quoting Kate613:

my emailed my SO's mom to find out how many people from her family are going to the shower so far bc she needs a count and this is what she sent her:

i talked to shawn and maddie and gwen are definitely joining us....so we can order
them something different like burger, chicken fingers, etc.
 
my SO told her the kids would be with him possibly at the restuaraunt they have with his friend because his wife is going. I know his mom will try to give the kids all the atention because she thinks im too shy. IM about to tell everyone just forget about the shower. His mom doesn't think i even know about it because she felt it has to be a suprise. My mom is fine with me knowing...so far my mom has paid for everything.   


TexasKaty
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 4:32 PM

Can def relate because I had a childish MIL that I swore personally knew the devil... Anyway, she's not my mother in law any MORE because she convinced her son that it was OK to start dating other women while we were married...

Anyway,  you're going to need a lot of support... and you're going to have to be sooo careful with what you say to your husband. Remember, that she is his mother... and he'll always love her no matter how awful she treats you, even when it seems SO clear to other people that you're getting done wrong. But hopefully he stands by you on your decisions. I truly believe even the best of beginning marriages will fail if the husband chooses mother ultimately over his wife.

I'll be thinking about you and praying that you can stay the bigger person in this situation. I'm SO sorry that you have to deal with this!!!!

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