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For Mommys and Mommys to be

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 1:02 AM
  • 7 Replies

are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that
she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to
decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn
in childbirth classes.

want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal,
but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw
that she will forever be vulnerable.

consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without
asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every
house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving
children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your
child die.

look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that
no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her
to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent
call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal
without a moments hesitation.

feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has
invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by
motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be
going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to
keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine.

a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the
women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in
the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of
independence and gender entity will be weighed against the prospect
that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she
will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same
about herself.

her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a
child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her
offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to
accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will
become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband
will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play
with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with
him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women
throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child
learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a
baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I
want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across
the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and
offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere
mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 1:02 AM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 1:20 AM

Awwwwwwww =)

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 1:20 AM

Love it! glad to kno that i am not the only one that worrys about wat if that was my son or not being able to leave him at a babysitter or being afraid of losing him!

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 2:42 AM

yeah i never realized that i worried about so many things that other moms worry about. its nice to put words into feelings

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 4:29 AM

 Oh my gosh! This made me cry!! It was so touching because just thinking about all these things really gets me excited to be a mother for the first time. My daughter is not here yet, but, will be here soon (my EDD is February 20).
Having children is a wonderful thing and I am so glad to have this special child in my life. I don't have her yet but I love and care for her more than anything in the world. I know I will struggle through many things, learn many things, be so frustrated at times that I won't know what to do, but at the end of the day looking at my daughter  and having her there will put the biggest smile on my face and I know everything will be so worth it in the end.
:) Thanks for sharing this! It really is something you don't think about until you are a mother (or soon to be).

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 4:51 AM

wow that made me cry not in a bad way but in a good. thats how i felt the momment my handsome baby boy was born.

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 5:26 AM

 Aww thanks, I'm bawling like a big baby!

She should mention that even when your baby is sick and wakes up at 3 am vomitting, you're not upset that you're losing sleep, you're worried about your baby, and you wish there was something you could do to make all their pain and discomfort go away!

(that's my mornings for the last week)

I'm a 24 year old, *single* mom, to a 13 month old princess, and a prince on the way. I'm 34 or 37 weeks pregnant, I've had previa, abruption, gall bladder surgery, kidney stones, preterm labor and have been passing out, but this little boy is worth it all. I've been through postpartum depression, domestic violence, my parents divorce, losing my job & becoming poor, losing my car, and my license, and becoming a single mom... all in the last year and I'm still glad to be here!!

I *LOVE* my kids more than anything else on this planet!

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 5:41 AM

awwwww that's so sweet! It made me cry.

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