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Please....just need someone to listen

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:14 PM
  • 15 Replies

Hi,

This has been a tough pregnancy, to say the least. I was with this guy for only a short time, ended up getting pregnant. He told me I should have an abortion....I couldn't do it, he dumped me. He hasn't been here for me the entire time, except for phone calls asking me how I'm doing from time to time.

Anyway, fast forward to this last Monday. The woman that he's been seeing off and on (who is also my cousin by marriage) told me that when I told him I was pregnant he secretly met up with her and said 'that fuckin' bitch is ruining my life' and that he thought I had gotten pregnant on purpose because I couldn't find anyone to be with me. He also told her that he was embarrassed by me. Meanwhile, he's telling her he loves her and wants to be marry her, and occasionally trying to hook up with me.

He got mad because of some stuff her and I talked about and called me Monday night, telling me that he is 'going the legal route' with this and that he would be giving me child support and will get court-ordered visitation. Everything in me wants to just tell him...'look, you didn't want this anyway, just walk away and leave us alone' but I know that people will tell me that he is legally able to be in my baby's life because he's the father. He told me on the phone that I 'better be a good mom' to the baby because he has taken two kids away from his ex-wife. I really would rather do this alone...I don't want anything to do with him at all. Any words of wisdom for me? I'm completely freaked out and totally stressed.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
prmami2b
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:20 PM

Im so sorry mama.. The only advice I have for you is to concentrate on your baby, and be the best mom you know you can be.. He can't do crap like taking baby away if he has no reason.. 

aphrodite7400
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:21 PM

i say be strong! you can do it on your own!! many women do. be proud of youself!  dont let him threaten to take the kid away. in fact, it is very rare that the court will take kids away from the mom, i mean there has to be some sort of issues going on with the mom. so dont worry about that!! goodluck!

Nevvermore
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:25 PM

I want to do it on my own....but legally, how can I if he intends to be involved? Am I just supposed to suck it up and let him be, even though he's a piece of shit?

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

prmami2b
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:26 PM


Quoting Nevvermore:

I want to do it on my own....but legally, how can I if he intends to be involved? Am I just supposed to suck it up and let him be, even though he's a piece of shit?

You may have to, until he gives you a reason to not be able to see the baby.. it sucks but he is the sperm donor, and as you know, he has his rights.

fun_mommyof3
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:27 PM

I haven't been in your exact situation but similar.  With my first DD her father wanted nothing to do with me or her.  Told me to get an abortion and also said that I had done it on purpose.  He however ended up not being any part of my DD life and has never even seen her.  She is 9yrs old now.  It's been good and bad.  I wish that she knew who he was good or bad so she wouldn't have a "void"  but on the other hand he could have made my life miserable if he had stuck around.  I am married now and my husband has taken on the role of "dad" and she loves him very much. 

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do if he is wanting to be involved.  Make sure that you get everything done legally and try to realize that if you can't get along with each other your baby will have a harder childhood.  I learned this from my own parents :)  It will all work out and all you can do is take it a day at a time.  Try not to stress too much, it's probably not good for the baby (easier said than done).  Good luck!

jasmineday
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:28 PM

I agree with the pp's, but to cover your butt i would be documenting everything!  Every phone call, every attempted phone call, message you leave on his answering machine, all the threats about him taking the baby from you, just everything.  It can only help you if he decides to be a real d*** and try anything.  Good Luck with everything, and enjoy your baby!! 

LaughterHugs
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:29 PM

oh mama! he sounds like such scum. he does have legal rights, but so do YOU! if he is acting this erratically record it and then you can use it against him if he takes you to court. get some family backup or friends who can help you against him.

*hugs!*

Lilypie Baby Ticker
 
Lilypie Baby Ticker

ieatfortwo
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:31 PM

id say make sure you get "primary guardianship" in the very beginning. Also, if anything ever goes down, be sure to point out that he did not help you at all while you were pregnant. he'll lose alot of standards. hell...knowing ME, id tell him i slept around on him, and it wasnt really his baby...then find my best guy friend and have him play along so if my ex ever asked him, there wouldnt be an issue. thats just me lol...

sorry im not better help

I am a SELECTIVELY Vaccinating, Co-Sleeping, Breastfeeding, Feed-on-demand  Anti-CIO, circumsicing, Baby wearing, Momma to a SIDS angel. Catholic, WAHM, ENGAGED, Video game-playing type of mommy. Who are YOU to judge ME!

beadingmom17
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:33 PM

The only way he can take your baby is if he proves you to be an unfit mother.  If he has nothing to go on, he won't get custody.  If you really want him to just leave you alone, make sure he's not on the birth certificate and if you don't need the child support, don't pursue it.  Other than that, I don't know what to tell you except he seems like a total jerk and I hope that it all works out for you!  And try not to stress...it's not good for you or baby!

    


    

sosojenn
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:33 PM

Be happy he wants to get court ordered child support done.

I had to drag my daughter's father to court and even though it's court ordered...I still haven't received a dime from him.

Some men can be so lame.









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