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Is this how it's gonna be? (long vent) need advice plz plz plz

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:52 AM
  • 12 Replies

 

 i gave birth to our beautiful son Ryan 7 days ago.. he is our first child.. Anyway, first thing that kinda irritated me was yesterday, when Dh told me that today he was gonna go out with his friends and have a "playdate" with all their dogs. I was kinda irritated, but decided not to let it piss me off.. I don't have the energy nor the interest to argue. I figured, if he's going out, I will too. His sister picked me up with her 14-week old and we hung out.

During the week, I agreed to do the wake ups with Ryan, as Dh is the only one working and is a medical transporter, meaning he is driving all the time, and I'm not too comfortable knowing he's driving around exhausted..

Just now, Ryan was napping, and Dh was lying down, so went to join him. I feel like we haven't seen eachother since I left the hospital. Anyway, I asked him, "So you gonna wake up tonight?" He got this look on his face like "ugh", but said "yeah, if you want me to." I asked him why he said it like that, his response was,"Because I am exhausted." Wtf! I told him I'm exhausted too, and started tearing up. he tells me,"You don't have to cry about it." I told him he is being insensitive to me and my needs, and walked out into the living room(where I have been sleeping all week so he could sleep). I just started to cry... Is this how it's gonna be? I was kinda hoping he'd come out and apologize, but no, he is fast asleep.  I am so exhausted, I have fallen asleep while bf'ing Ryan, and nodded off STANDING UP. He told me all day when we each got home hoe tired I looked, and I thought he'd help me because of that, but no... they were just empty words... I am so hurt and frustrated.. I have yet to pump or introduce my son to a bottle, but he could at least change him on the weekends for me...  Is there a "peaceful" way to handle this? i don't want to fight but don't  want to be walked on.... help ladies.. i can't let this turn into a habit. 

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MommyIvy
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 12:55 AM

My hubby never even wakes up when our DS(who is know 14 months) wakes up. I have always been the one to get up with him. If you have a hubby who does get up, you are a lucky one. It does get better though Momma! Good Luck!

Dawnmyst
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:00 AM

I'm not much help but here is a bump.

Crystal Record Mother of Phoenix Record.Lilypie Kids birthday Ticker

NewMom333
by Member on Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:08 AM

I totally understand where your coming from. I had my DS in august and the first 6 weeks was the hardest time for me ( I know it sounds long but it will fly by in no time.)  I had gotten maybe 8 hours of sleep in 6 days and i was exhausted. I had no help from my hubby because he has never been around babies and they freak him out. SO when I got to my breaking point I would feed, clean, and put my LO to sleep and ask him to watch him for as long as he could - which wouldnt be long but some time was better than none - and that seemed to work for me. And keep in mind you are dealing with a lot of hormonal changes and emotional issues with having your first child so be prepared to have a few miscommunications. The best thing you can do is to keep the lines of communication open between you both so there are no assumptions and/ or miscommunication. And keep in mind that it will get better as time goes on. Hope this helped. God bless!

rellybelly
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:20 AM

Maybe you should try NOT sleeping on the couch so he can see how many times you have to get up in a night, then maybe he can see the sacrafice you are making and might be willing to share the load on the weekend. Even if he still does not want to get up, atleast you can sleep next to your hubs again.

I take care of my DD on the weekdays as well becuase my husband works, we worked the weekends in as i get Friday night off and then Saturday night I would take care of first shift and he would get up with her in the morning shift.

I sleep in my room with my husband like normal, yeah he hears her on the monitor but i am up as soon as I hear the real cry, not the little noises she makes. It wakes him but hardly more than flushing the bathroom toilet, becuase he knows I am on it.

 

CAgirl1214
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:23 AM

I don't really think most men are hardwired to deal with babies the way women are.  It's not to say all men are pieces of dump when it comes to parenting a lot of them just don't get it.  They don't understand why you're so tired when you're home all day because they don't get up with you at night and don't understand that feeding, burping and chaning a baby can take an hour at times and so they maybe just assume that you're up for maybe 15-20 minutes at a time and back to sleep.  And they don't get that your baby might be in a crying mood for 3 or 4 hours straight in the middle of the day so you can't just nap when you want to and other things need to get done around the house so even if you could nap you can't.  All i can suggest is to really talk to him.  Personally i'd just wake his ass up when it came time for the baby to be changed tonight.  If you have to be up for that good hour, he can damn well be up for 5 minutes to change a freaking diaper.  It will most likely get better though.  I don't know your husband of course but chances are it'll get better.  This is the rough patch where everything is working itself out.  Just don't let him get away with murder or he'll always do it.  I also don't make my husband get up on weekdays only on weekends and in the begining i felt bad doing it because he would moan and groan at me but now i just poke him and say "hey, he needs a new dipe" and if he falls back asleep i poke him harder.  You just have to make sure he knows he's expected to help too or he may not be willing to voulenteer himself.  And the sleepiness will get better.  The first few weeks you feel like you're litterally going to die of sleepiness but they sleep longer over time.  Mine's about 6 weeks and I'm not usually tired even though I'm up about every 4 hours at night.  Good luck!

NestBaby Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
prmami2b
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:36 AM


Quoting rellybelly:

Maybe you should try NOT sleeping on the couch so he can see how many times you have to get up in a night, then maybe he can see the sacrafice you are making and might be willing to share the load on the weekend. Even if he still does not want to get up, atleast you can sleep next to your hubs again.

I take care of my DD on the weekdays as well becuase my husband works, we worked the weekends in as i get Friday night off and then Saturday night I would take care of first shift and he would get up with her in the morning shift.

I sleep in my room with my husband like normal, yeah he hears her on the monitor but i am up as soon as I hear the real cry, not the little noises she makes. It wakes him but hardly more than flushing the bathroom toilet, becuase he knows I am on it.

 

That is great advice.. if he doesn't get up I don't want to sleep next to him.. Sometimes I think that because I'm exclusivly bf'ing he feels like he doesn't have to do anything..

Martina70
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 1:51 AM

After our first was born, hubby who is pretty nocternial would deal with her waking up beteen 'bedtime' and about 2 am - and I dealt with anything beyond that.

I

lil_jenny_28
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 3:02 AM

I am betting this is alot more normal than a dh that gets up all the time with you lol. My dh works nights so i had no choice 5 days a week. On his nights off he keeps his sleep pattern so he would take care of dd when she woke up and let me sleep then. There were times he would fall asleep though with me and not get up with her. It frustrated me to cause those were my only breaks. He later admitted he would hear her sometimes but pretend to still be asleep cause he knew i would take care of everything. Yeah he won't get away with that one when we have our little boy in june lol. It does seem like forever especially now since your hormones are going crazy and your so tired. It will go by fast enough though so just take some deep breaths and try to keep talking to him. Eventually he might get the hint and help you out. Maybe if you start pumping soon so he could do a feeding it would help? I also agree with a pp and you should go back to the bed so he can see just how often and long you are up for.

Malayahsmom06
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 10:55 AM

I understand how tiring it is to be the only one getting up to take care of the baby. My ex and I split when my child was born (I found out he had been cheating), so I am the only one who has EVER gotten up with her at night. She had jaundice so I had to feed her more frequently and was exhausted. I would suggest having him pick one night a week to get up with him (same night every week). It gives you a break, and he cant complain its only one night out of 7!

mjimaging
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 3:06 PM

I was a single mom for my first one for the first 6 months and although my mother helped out I was nursing and therefor I had to do it.  I fell asleep several times while BFing but it all worked out in the end.  Once I started pumping or just giving a bottle (I didn't make enough milk eventually) my mom would get up with her when she was around and feed.  I ended up co-sleeping though for about the first month while nursing and that helped tremendously.  I won't co-sleep this time but I have a very good husband that does a lot.  I hope that he continues to do a lot after baby is born.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker


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