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kids and chores... need input... goin crazy!!!

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:28 PM
  • 5 Replies

Okay so here's the deal... in a nutshell. I live with my fiance. We have one daughter together (10 months), and my daughter (3), his daughter (20), his grandson (10 months), and his son (12). His 18 year old daughter, and her daughter who is also 10 months, lived with us too, but recently moved out, and in all reality will probably be back soon. And I'm pregnant again. Here's the deal. I DO EVERYTHING!!! I have talked to my husband about it. He's older, and he has one of the attitudes that, well how can I describe it... Basically you do what you have to do. You don't ask for credit or recognition, you don't complain, you just do it... So the numerous times that I have tried to talk to him, I never get anywhere. He is a VERY hard worker and has the best work ethic of anyone I've ever met. I believe his strong hardworking hispanic upbringing is the reason for that. If the dishes don't get done or something, he's the one that will step in and do them. I appreciate that, but it makes me feel really bad. He works so much and he should not have to come home and do more work. Someone else should be stepping in on the rare occasion that I can't get something done. So... I cook, do the dishes, sweep and mop, clean the bathrooms, AND pick up all the babies toys (the ones that aren't mine also), pick up dirty dishes laying around the house and garbage and dirty clothes, and OMG!!! It never ends! I really need some input because, yes, it drives me crazy... and I have another baby coming this fall and I'm going to be very overwhelmed. I'm going to school full time and trying to finish and do all of this and, well, ugh... The older daughter does nothing, but you know what, she'll be out of the house soon, so my question is really regarding the 12 year old... I know the older ones should be helping too, but... as for as his son, shouldn't he be doing some sort of chores????? Something????? Anything?????? If I even ask him to do something SMALL he gets attitude. Since DH isn't helping talk to them, I wanted to ask all of you experts out there.... then I'm going to approach him and show him what everyone has to say. I don't want them to do everything, basically all I'm asking for is for them to pick up after themselves. Is that too much to ask? Maybe help out with the dishes on occasion? I don't know. Do your children do chores? If so, what do they do? Allowance? Know any tricks for getting 3 year olds to help? I try to get her to, but I always have so much to do, I do what I shouldn't and just do it for her. Ugh... HELP!

by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:28 PM
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Replies (1-5):
divamommao
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 1:48 PM

All my kids help in some way. My almost 6 yr old has set chores daily and does my 3 yr old. My one yr old helps clena up her toys. My almost 6 yr old and 3 yr old gets allowence weekly but if they do nto do there chores they do not get there allowence. My thing is it get s on my nerves when they get on a kick lets not listen to momma. then momma has to be the bad person and make them listen because they do not like picking up there toys and I told them I am not their slaves. And after throwing away some toys they started picking them up. I have 3 kids due in sept. and 5 dogs so my house it pretty hectic too. I know what you are going through. it seems like the stuff never ends.


Good luck momma heres a bump for you. for help from some one with older children. :-)


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I am a proud momma of 3 Jazlyn (5), Jacquez (3), Jo'Nika (1), Baby # 4 due 9-2-09. I am a SAHM and wifey who can not be sumed up in alittle paragraph!!


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shanequa678
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:09 PM

you have to put your foot down the 20 year old and 12 year old can pull their share. the 12 year old is your child you tell him what he's goin to do and the 20 yr old is old enough to get her own place so if she isnt goin to do her part she can get out very simple 

chknugt
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:38 PM

lol yeah i know its very simple.  but its really not.  if it were up to me, then yes, thats the way it would be, the whole "get out" thing would have been done a long time ago.  the 12 year old isn't mine either, he's his.  i've been mad all day lol, and i'm determined to put him to work as soon as he gets up.  the 20 year old, its just like whatever... she moved out for about 9 months and moved back in when her husband got sent away for a few years, if u get me... he wont be back until hopefully at the earliest next may.  idk... if it were me, and i had to move back in with my parents, which i wouldnt unless it was a matter of life or death, but i would damn well make sure that i not only did my part, but also paid expenses too.  i would do ALL of the cleaning if I wasn't paying for anything too, like she is.  but u know, shes not my daughter.  hes not going to kick her out unless she really does something horrible, which she wont, just make my life miserable till then.  i just dont understand why someone would be like that, but ya know...  idk

Quoting shanequa678:

you have to put your foot down the 20 year old and 12 year old can pull their share. the 12 year old is your child you tell him what he's goin to do and the 20 yr old is old enough to get her own place so if she isnt goin to do her part she can get out very simple 


LuckyClown
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:54 PM

ugh, you look so young to have all these "kids"

I can't answer on the older ones, but my 4 and 6 year olds are responsible for their own room and putting their dishes in the sink. They are also responsible for putting their own clothes in the hamper. This is just how it is at our house, because I am too lazy to be messy (my grandma always said that)

My 4 year old is limited to her own messes, and she isn't always very good at doing them- but the 6 year old is also learning how to help dust the living room and swiffer the floor while I do dishes... as soon as she's tall enough she'll help with dishes too.She actually has fun at that.

The 12 year old definitely should not be leaving messes around. he should be putting his clothes in hampers and rinsing his dishes at least- putting them in the dishwasher if you have one.

I see your issue with the 20 year old- I wouldn't know how to approach that either... I'd honestly have trouble not making some comment on how I hope she doesn't treat her own home this way when she moves out... lol...

Good luck

LuckyClown
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:58 PM

just a thought- why not ask around- figure out what chores each person doesn't mind doing- I hate folding laundry but don't mind putting it away. I love to mop but hate to vaccuum. When my husband and I first moved in together we each compromised on what chores we would do and it works well for us... Make a list of chores that need to be done daily and weekly and ask them which chore they would most like to do. no one likes to clean but if they have the option to say "I hate vaccuuming can I dust instead?" maybe that will mak eit easier....

 

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