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Pregnancy Pregnancy

Breaking up in the middle of the pregnancy

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 3:16 PM
  • 18 Replies

Hi, I'm 19 weeks pregnant and the father of the child and I have been in a relationship for 7 months, we were just like a normal couple, but now he says that he doesn't love, he loves the baby but not me, I feel really sad, I've been depressed for several weeks and I know that's not healthy for the baby, the truth is that I love him and I feel I can't see him just like the father of the baby, I think about if he finds someone else, I won't be able to handle that, I'm thinking not letting him recognize the baby, but I don't know if that is right or not, I don't know what to do.

by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 3:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
livelaughlover
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 3:19 PM

no you should not do it its just wrong. Its not cool whats happening but you need to get over it for your childs sake

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sassytasha
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 3:19 PM

i understand that ur upset but from a person that has been in the same shoes before.  u don't want to keep the baby away from their father.  i mean there is some reasons y to keep them away but to do it bc he didn't wan to be with you is just wrong and selfish i'm sorry if that hurts ur feelings or whatever but it is wrong

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NavyWifey122305
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 3:22 PM

The best thing to do is allow him in the babys life if he wants to be. You have to put your baby first. It may kill you inside but its better then your baby growing up feeling rejected from his/her daddy.

My father REFUSED to be apart of mine and my sisters life and it killed us both. growing up I tried everything a kid could do to get their dad in their life and nothing worked. not untill I was pregnant ( 23 yr old) with my son and I tried to contact my dad to let him know i was having a baby and he again rejected me is when I was able to say " he's not gonna hurt me again"

guera7304
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 3:27 PM

My sons dad left me when i was 16 weeks, we were together for 2 years.. It killed me for a while but i eventually moved on my son is 5 now and I am married to the greatest man in the world we've been together since my son was 9 months old. Honestly im glad it happened that way because my ex turned out to be a dead beat "he loves my son" but he doesnt do shit for him. Everything happens for a reason. Who knows maybe its cold feet some guys get scared once your pregnant and dont know how to react or maybe he doesnt love you and it wouldnt be fair to either of you to be together.


Pukity
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 4:39 PM

Thanks so much to you all, I you are right it's a selfish thing just to do it because he doesn't love me, I think I have to be grateful that at least he wants to see the baby and be part of his/her life as a dad, it will take me some time to heal and I have to move on.

mommyin07n08
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 4:47 PM

I have been there, 1 week my daughters father and I (who had been with me for 3 years and had 2 other children) were talking about getting married and having kids and what we would do because he didnt have a GED or anything and I am a teacher. He said we would make things work because he loved me. The next week I found out I was pregnant and 3 days later he was gone. He decided he didnt want to see her, I begged him to be there for her birth. She ended up in the hospital dying, he never showed, she almost went deaf, I called and was going to pay  for him to fly up and go to the hospital with me, he never showed. 5 months ago I found out he committed suicide. Only one of his kids has ever seen him and he was 1 the last time that happend (we were already dating by his sons 1 birthday thats how I know its the last time he saw him). I wish he would have gotten to know his daughter. This may sound mean but you were with him 7 months and got pregnant. Grow up  and get over it, the baby needs to be number 1 now not you. Thats exactly what I had to do.

in love Cassi and Tony 12/10/07ttc TTC #3 baby boy Landon 09/23/08toddler girlEmily 05/19/07

prd2b_calledmom
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 4:50 PM

you cant punish him for not loving you, by keeping the baby from him.

what would that solve? he still wont love you, and then hell only dislike you more for trying to take away his child. i dont know what to tell you other then see if hes willing to talk and discuss whatever problems you two have and see if things could be worked out. but you cant force him to stay if he doesnt want to

lydia84
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 5:16 PM

I understand what you are going through. My ex and I split up right after we found out I was pregnant. It was hard even though we hadn't been together that long I was scared, alone, and confused. I have held a lot of grudges toward him for the choice that he made. In the end I have to accept it and do what I can to move on. We went for 2 months without talking even though he wanted to come to the doc appoints. I wasn't ready to be around him yet. I had to move on and not feel the same way I did. I have to let the past go and realize that he made that decision and it will be one that he has to live with even after our baby comes. Last week we went to my baby's sonogram appointment. I felt like it was the right thing to do to tell him about it. I would regret telling him if I hadn't have. We went to lunch and talked and have been texting everyday. We don't plan on being together but we realized we needed to have communication. One of my biggest problems with the fact that he left was feeling like I was living day to day with this and he got to do whatever he wanted. I felt like he wasn't thinking about it everyday like I was. This past week, has made me realize that he is thinking about it and I don't feel as alone. We might not be together but at least I have someone that I can get a hold of that wants to know when I buy baby stuff or when something happens with the baby. There is a part of me that wishes we could be together but I think whatever is supposed to happen will. If I'm not supposed to be with him than I think there will be someone else someday. For now, I focus on my little boy and make the right decisions in my life for him. I feel in love with him when I saw him on the screen at my sonogram appointment and no matter what happens... I love him and can't wait to be his mommy and watch him grow! 

 

 

mjimaging
by Silver Member on Aug. 9, 2009 at 6:12 PM

I hadn't known my ex long when we got pregnant.  I was somewhat young and naive when it happened.  He booked two weeks after finding out, even though he wanted to have kids and I kept saying no, not until we're married.  He even proposed.  Well, he stayed gone for all of the pregnancy, I did it all on my own with my dad saying that I was ruining my life and just really having my mom there for support.  I didn't tell him about appointments and such, he didn't care but he showed up again one week before she was born.  He proposed again but couldn't be around all the time, he had "work" that allowed him to be at my house only every other weekend.  Well, two months after her birth, he left again, this time for good.  His name was on the birth certificate and I would do that again and we did a custody/support hearing that he didn't show up for.  I sent him invitations to all of her b-day parties, her pool parties, her baptism, everything, he never showed.  I changed her name before age one (which was free) and when she was 4, he signed over his rights and allowed my husband to adopt her.  Getting rid of him was the best thing I could have done.  My husband is a great father and we are expecting our next.  He says that she is her daughter and puts up with people giving him dirty looks when he says this baby is his first "baby" and that he wasn't there for his daughters birth (couldn't be, didn't even know him then).  Anyway, I wouldn't push him away from his child if he wants to be a part of it's life.  That's all I wanted was for him to be a part of his daughters life and he wouldn't give her the time of day.  He has since remarried and has three kids with his wife.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker


Fceasor
by on Aug. 9, 2009 at 6:45 PM

I'm in the same situation as you.  My baby's father wanted the baby more than I.  I was completely fine with the three daughters that I already have.  In January I found out that he was cheating.  This really crushed me because he was the 1st guy that I allowed into my heart after being hurt by my other kids father.  We didn't talk for a while, then he slowly starting calling again.  Me still loving him allowed him back in.  That was the worst decision that I could have made.  He lied continuously and when I finally got fed up, I found out I was pregnant.  I spoke to his mother for the 1st time two weeks ago.  She made me feel like it was my fault that I was in the situation that I'm in, but why should I have been the one to walk away?  Was I wrong for trying to hold on to her son?  I'm 17 weeks today and I'm still having a hard time accepting this baby.  I know that it will be alright eventually, but it's hard knowing that I have to go 23 more weeks alone while he is with his other girlfriend who's also pregnant!  It's going to be ok, we just have to be strong and determined to overcome this hurdle.  Just know that you are not alone...

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