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confused and needing advice

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 10:21 AM
  • 5 Replies

Ok so here it is i am confused and am not sure what to do.  My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years, we have two beautiful daughters, 2 and a half years and 2 and a half months.  I think i am a pretty good mom with lots of patients. I take care of them the best i can, i work, i do all the cleaning, all the laundary, and all the grocery shopping, oh yeah and all the cooking, and pay half if not more of the bills.  So my thing is that he plays this damn online game (WOW) world of warcraft, and i hate it.  It takes up all of his time when he is not working, oh yeah and hes not working that much lately either, business is slow for him.  He's been playing this game for about 2 years now and he is so addicted to it its rediculous.  We dont fight at all except about this game.  It has almost split us up more than once and he does not want to compromise.  It also makes him nasty to me and the girls when he is playing, if he gets interrupted while playing, he yells and gets a bad attitude.  I have told him that if it doesnt change that i am done, i cant take it anymore.  Just recently he has added some of the people he plays on there with to his msn, and talks with them through there now to.  Now i am not a jealous person until i saw some of the things that are being said which should not be at all, if you have a girlfriend.  I have not yet talked to him about this but i want to and am not sure how to approach the situation.  I feel so alone cause i dont have the man i fell in love with, we barely talk about anything.  When i bring this up to him it changes a ittle for like a week then goes back.......we just recently had another argument about it and decided we where gonna split up and now he is being all sweet and caring again....so what do i do, set myself up to get hurt again or be strong and just say i dont want this anymore?  I also havent told him that i saw what he was saying to this girl either......so please help me out here 

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-5):
ashleysmommy820
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:13 AM

Hmm. I'd say talk to him, and tell him exactly how this is effecting you and your kids. If he won't listen, maybe try something drastic, like getting rid of the computer or just the internet. Or just password protect everything so he can't use it. I had to do that with dh for awhile because he was constantly looking at porn, and checking out the "dating" sites that offer nothing but sex. Eventually he got the point, and it eliminated the issue. I know it kind of seems like treating him like a child, but that's what childish behavior deserves, imo.

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JohnnyCakes
by Member on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:32 AM

 I'm not even kidding you -- I've been through the EXACT same thing. I finally said, NO MORE. There is no control with that game, no moderation, my SO used to RUN to and from the bathroom, he would ignore our crying kids, it's so pathetic. He was missing out on the girls growing up and I was tired of it. He had played it when my oldest daughter was first born and we DID break up over it, at the same time he was also leaving me at home with a newborn to play Pirates (don't know if you've heard of it). We got back together, but then when my youngest was born he begged me to start playing again and I said ONLY if you can control yourself and do it in moderation. Hell, everyone needs some time to themselves, everyone needs hobbies and a way to escape! BUT It started with me saying, okay, no WoW during dinner. I don't cook all day to stare at the back of your f'ing laptop. He couldn't handle it. So finally I just couldn't take it anymore and I gave him the ultimatum again -- either us or that stupid game. That game is the death of many families, it ruins people, it really does. He also went through a phase of MTG, that nearly killed us too. And I don't know if you know this, but WoW is a role playing game (?) so some of the things you saw might have been out of context, and might not have even really been a female he was talking to, but rather a female character or "role". Not that it makes it any better, but it might help put it into perspective.

In my personal opinion, I think having a family made my SO grow up too fast. So he used video games as a way to escape the pressure. He was 21 when we had our daughter, when we met though he stopped playing all those games and it wasn't until our daughter was a few motnhs old that his true colors came out, and he just couldn't shake it wihtout being told he had to choose.

Parenting
CowgirlMamma555
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:41 AM

Both me and DH used to play wow, and I understand where you're coming from. People take the game way to seriously: and its not a game you can sit down for 30 mins and play...it takes hours and hours....

I no longer play (it trigers my MS and then I won't have time once the twins come) but DH still does. We have a deal. He can't play unless I give him the thumbs up- as in I don't need any help with the kids, and I don't need any "us" time. He mostly gets to play on friday nights, but that may not work for you guys and your schedule.

It comes to down to this: it's a game. No matter how much fun he has while playing it, or whatever ego trip he gets from being a bad ass whatever on it, he's looking at losing his kids and his gf over it. (something I'm sure you don't need to be told... but maybe he needs to)

About him talking to the other girl, I'd treat the matter real carefully. Don't just blow it off like it's no big deal, but don't go absoultely crazy on him either. Just let him know that what he said to her, or just the fact that he talked to her, really hurt you. 

If it was me, and the wow had gotten that ridiuclously out of control. I'd give him an ultimatium. Narrow down his "play" time to a certain day or a certain alotment of time at night, or you're going to leave until he can do that. I don't know if that's what you want to do, but that's what I'd do in your situtation. I had a girlfriend on the verge of divorce over this, and she told him to shut it off or she'd leave. He didn't., she left for a week, and he missed her and their DD so much he canceled his account and sold his computer. Now they still are working on their problems, but at least WOW and its ridiuclousness isn't in the way anymore.

Good luck girly. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you all can work it out.

ChrystalGreene
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:16 PM


Quoting ashleysmommy820:

Hmm. I'd say talk to him, and tell him exactly how this is effecting you and your kids. If he won't listen, maybe try something drastic, like getting rid of the computer or just the internet. Or just password protect everything so he can't use it. I had to do that with dh for awhile because he was constantly looking at porn, and checking out the "dating" sites that offer nothing but sex. Eventually he got the point, and it eliminated the issue. I know it kind of seems like treating him like a child, but that's what childish behavior deserves, imo.

I agree with this lady!

My husband is a little geek but with some type of D&D (roll playing game with real people interaction) and I don't mined as its one day a week and it gives him boy time.  But my husband knows men that play WOW and cant stand them as they have no life out side game.  He has seen some good friend trash there marriage over games.  If it has terned into a addition you need to step in with a good long talk and then much more drastic mashers like in the above.

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JessicaPena87
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 12:28 PM

I freakin love WoW. But I'm too cheap so I just get the free trial. LOL. My hubby is addicted to looking at cars online for hours at a time. Most people have some type of addiction. Talking about it doesn't really help because most don't see it as an addiction. I know I'm addicted to CafeMom! When I really get tired of my hubby's crap we have a full blown fight but you know what...fights are apart of relationships...nothing is perfect. I love my hubby and his little "addiction" is irrating but I'm not perfect either so we try to come to agreements. It's not really a good reason to leave him unless the addiction is drinking or drugs or something. Men get hormonal too. Tell him that it hurts his daughters and he needs to see how they hurt. I did that with my hubby and it worked. Now he helps me out and plays with the kids before he gets online. Remember that if yall spilt over something so silly it will hurt your kids in the long run. Warn him and if he doesnt listen then turn off WoW for a "break" so he can come back to reality. He might also be depressed and he's trying to escape. Help him out. And I talk to dudes online and I let my hubby see ...they're merely friends...they've hit on my but I would tell them that I am married and they would drop it. Good luck to you! 

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