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Pregnant and Scared.

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:16 PM
  • 13 Replies

I don't know who else to talk to, everyone i do speak with about my situation tells me the same thing. It is ultimately MY choice.

Which is the hard part.

The easy part was getting pregnant. A little bit of history-  I have been a single mom for almost 2 yrs now. I have 2 little girls from my prior 8 yr long relationship. My girls are 3 and 4...and i am very close with both of them, especially the youngest, as she is my "baby". It has been a struggle for me- I went back to school the first couple months after becoming a SINGLE mom and became a nurse. My life has stabalized, i have a great career, am happy with my job, my kids are slowly becoming more independent, and see their dad often, giving me much needed time for friends and what not. When i had my first daughter, i was 19 turning 20. I missed out on a big piece of life like partying and being irresponsible, and just plain out having fun, getting to know myself, and other people. I had been with my partner since i was 16.  So, now that my 2 kids are growing up, and i have some of my 'own time' wasn't out of the ordinary to go out every weekend, party, and meet a lot of great guys, and cool people. I got into a new relationship about 10 months ago. We have had out struggles, being that, I still had a hard time letting my ex go, and enjoyed my own independent time. He also has 2 kids from a previous marriage. those kids are 4 and 7. and live an hr and a half away..he is an every second weekend dad. which doesnt seem to bother him.


So, fast forward to today.I am 5 weeks pregnant, with the same guy, and am so confused. I feel guilty for my other children- feel like i am losing them, for some reason...and am really happy with mylife right now...I dont know if i am ready- am scared of 'starting over' and again, not having a life for a few more years. I don't mean to sound selfish- i am not- i am just trying to sort my feelings out.  The only thing that has changed is i have a great job, and am able to take a mat leave. I am financially stable now. I still don't feel 'inlove' with this father- even though, he would give me the world..

I get out of bed at night, and just watch my daughters sleeping...and try and imagine how this will impact their lives. Negatively? Positively? Why do i feel as though i am losing them?

Shouldn't i be happy? How do i get over these feelings?? :-(

Would appreciate any advice....


***Edited to conform to forum rules and outline the actual question.****

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:28 PM

If you feel like you can't keep the baby I would say consider adoption....In the end it's a choice only you can make. 

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:29 PM

If your having doubts like that, i dont think that keeping the baby is the best idea. You can always look into putting him up for adoption, there are many parents who would love a baby who cant have one. I think if your willing to take the risk of getting pregnant by having sex and not using protection then you should be responsible enough to care of the results. I guess it has to be discussed between you and your partner, but i personally dont think abortion should be used as a form of birth control. Yes everyone makes mistakes, but 2? Good luck with whatever you choose!

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:29 PM


by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:35 PM

perhaps,yes. I wouldn't say that i use abortion as birth control. Just because i had one.

I was on nuvaring...and as great as my pharmacy is, ran out of nuvaring. You have to insert it on the 5th day of your period, and i was on the 5th day. Their stock didnt come in until a few days later. we figured, if we were careful- we'd be fine, and resume our bc the following month. However, at a friends wedding,  things got out of hand, and we weren't careful. Low and behold, it only takes one time...and here we are. Iam just trying to decide whats best for the entire family. Him, Me, My kids, and his kids.

I would appreciate sincere responses only. I am hurt and confused enough. Regardless, it is not an easy desicion, nor is it something i take lightly.Was just looking for some support, googled my problem, and came across a post in one of these forums- similar to my problem.Thought i would join, and hope for the same encouraging responses that i seen.

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:38 PM

I wasnt trying to be rude, you just asked what people thought and thats what i thought. Sorry if i offended you.

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:59 PM

Quoting angieluvsolivia:

I agree but good luck, everyone has their opinion and I think it is hard for people to separate advice from that.  You need to do what is best for you and your family AND be extra careful with the birth control in the future!

Thank you.

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 5:38 PM
I know how you feel, it's normal to be scared and worried. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ultimatly your decision, no one can make it for you. I myself am pro-life but I am pro-choice in the way that I feel everyo we situation is different. Don't let angry people in this group make you feel like less of a mother. Just consentrate on you. And good luck, keep me posted.
*** I'm the type of woman, when my feet hit the ground, the devil says "oh, Lord, she's awake!" ***
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 5:51 PM

 I think you will get over these feelings. Everyone is nervous/scared at some point. Whatever you feel in your heart, is the way to go. But I would give it time. You sound like a great Mom, and I think another baby will affect your children in a positive way. What ever is in your heart. Good Luck!

by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 5:53 PM

I think you need to speak with the father of this child and make a decision based on what the 2 of you come up with. Its not the end of the world to have another child by another man. Your girls are old enough to understand if you explain it to them the right way.

Im sorry for the rude responses you are getting but you have to understand that this group is full of women who have either been trying for a baby for a long time and finally were blessed or are Very happy to be pregnant. This group is definitly more of a support group for those that want a baby.

The only person who can truely help you with what you need right now is the father of this baby. You need to figure out what he wants before making a decision because this baby is not just yours, its his and he has every right to a say in what happens from here on out.  New babies can be scary, especially when they weren't planned but it sounds like you did nothing to prevent this, you should have known better if you really didn't want this. I really wish the best for you but you need to speak with the father, he may be more supportive then you think and you may realize that this is a good thing in the end. Good luck.


Due with #2 April 8th 2010

Gender Prediction
by on Aug. 12, 2009 at 6:50 PM

 you obviously just found out your pregnant and you are overwhelmed by the emotions and hormones. It is very normal to have doubts about everything and to just feel weird about being pregnant again. Ive heard of people trying to have a baby for months and then finally get pregnant and she feels so overwhelmed by the pregnancy because IT IS a life changing thing. When I got pregnant with this baby i was having doubts too. Not that i would get an abortion ever but i just wasent happy with being pregnant again because i didnt feel ready but now that im farther along im very excited! If you cant do it for real then you should consider adoption. There are very great people out there that just cant have kids and it would be the best gift to them. Just try to relax and dont over think things. You will be okay :]

--when i was first pregnant i would watch my daughter sleep too and cry too. I felt like i was taking time away from her that i should be spending with her (one on one) so i really think what your going through is normal. your kids will love that baby just as much as you do!! They will probably be really excited for a baby to come into the family.

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I am a single 21 year old, pro-life, semi co-sleeping, bottle/formula feeding, total vaccinating, disposable diapering, rear facing, spanking if needed, CIO , young hard working mommy to a beautiful babygirl named Riley. I dont judge anyone for what they choose so i hope you respect me for the ways i choose even if you dont agree with them :-)

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