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Help! Defiant 4 year old!

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:36 PM
  • 12 Replies

My son is a very sweet boy. However, he is going through this phase where he thinks he is the boss. Example........tonight at 9pm, I told him its bedtime. I said either lay on the couch until I go to bed or go to your room and lay down and watch tv. He says, "its not bedtime, i'm not going to bed, we already went to bed". I got stern and told him again, go to the couch (which is right by where I was sitting) or go to bed. He says no again. I got up, put the baby to bed, come back and he's sitting on the living rm floor. I got down on his level told him again and he said no again! Ugh! I am so frustrated. I popped him in the mouth, put him on the couch and went in the kitchen to load the dishwasher. I come back and HES ON THE FLOOR AGAIN!!!! OMG! I am going to loose it! I told him again, he says the same thing, I told him he has to listen to mommy and daddy (daddy works 24 hr shifts and is gone, so I had no backup). I put him in his bed and he is in there now watching tv. I know he shouldnt be able to watch tv after getting in trouble, but he has a huge fear of being in his room, and we are just starting the transition to his own bed, so I'm not about to make him afraid to be int here. Anyway, I need advice! What am I doing wrong?

 

by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Leosmama2006
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:50 PM

BUMP!

gr8day
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 11:50 PM

My opinion, take the TV out of his room and buy a nightlight.  We have 1 TV in the house, cancelled cable a year ago and most days the kids don't watch any DVD's....You are the parent and make decisions.  He is the child.  When you discipline and then they still get what they want, kids are learning that there are no consequences for their actions.

Sorry to be so blunt.  Good luck-

dellywelly
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:10 AM
Tell him once and only once. If he doesn't listen then it's time out. If he doesn't listen again then it's anther time out.
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gr8day
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 12:19 AM

I went to go to bed and then felt bad about my bluntness and thought I should tell you what I do that really seems to work.  I have a just-turned-5 year old and a 3 1/2 year old.

I give them a choice.  "Do you want to get up on the couch by yourself, or do you want me to put you there?"  If they do not answer, I tell him that I will make a decision for him. 

My 2 boys sleep in the same room.  If they have good behavior, some nights they get a glow stick when they go to bed.  (Dollar store, 5 pack for a 1$) Then, if they are in bed and goofing off, I tell them, if they continue to goof off, I will come back and take away the glow stick.  I have had to do that a few times, but now they know I mean business.  When I have taken the glow stick away they cry and I tell them that if they continue to cry I will shut off the night light. I have turned of the night light too...

I guess I am saying this, give him a choice, make the choices outcomes that you want to happen, but it gives him some control by allowing him to make the choice.  If the behavior does not change, follow through with the discipline you told them you would do.  If you do not follow through, they are smart enough to figure out that it is an idle threat and your discipline no longer works.  Ever.  And they will be teenagers sooner than you think.

:)

Leosmama2006
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 11:33 AM

Ok, Thx for all the advice. I think I am going to make a sticker chart and and give a reward at the end of the day if he listens. I have just basically been to tired to discipline. Not an excuse, I nkow, but I have just not wanted the fight. I know its going to be harder now, but I've got my armor on :) He is not a horrible kid and I don't give in to everything, but sometimes I just pick my battles and give in on some of them. Plus, when I am sitting in the chair feeding the baby he knows its hard for me to discipline him. I still dn't know what I'm going to do about that, because if I get up, the baby starts screaming, then it takes me forever to get her clamed down after I've dealt with him. fun times of being a parent I guess! :)

Leosmama2006
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 11:36 AM

We ave had one tv in our house up until a few months ago. We co-slept with him and then decided it was time to stop. We put it in there so he would not be so scared. Actually, we had no tv for years. As soon as he is not afraid of his room anymore, we are going to take it out. It's just taht right now with 3 kids so close in age we are just trying to get by and just at least get him in his own bed. Once he is not scared, we'll take it out. Its the tv from the garage where my husband does his workouts :) Thx for the advice though. I know its not good, I am not a fan of tv's in bedrooms either. I always said the kids will never have one in their rooms, and once this is through, its out!

Quoting gr8day:

My opinion, take the TV out of his room and buy a nightlight.  We have 1 TV in the house, cancelled cable a year ago and most days the kids don't watch any DVD's....You are the parent and make decisions.  He is the child.  When you discipline and then they still get what they want, kids are learning that there are no consequences for their actions.

Sorry to be so blunt.  Good luck-


lasvegasblvd
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:24 PM

You are not alone!!!!  My daughter is also four and sometimes I swear she already has the attitude of a teenager!  I have found that trying to be nicer than my parents were or talking things out doesn't always work.  I recently had to decide to start putting my foot down.  I found what worked for her was timeout in her bed.  If she got time out in her time out chair, she was still defiant and said she just wanted to stay there.  Ugh!!!!  But I found timeout in her bed was much more of a threat so I went with that.    You have to find what works for him and go with it...also don't worry about your relationship with him.  I have also found out that after all the guilt I felt and worrying I did, she is much closer to me and asks for more hugs and kisses when I discipline her more strictly.  Go figure!  One more thing...PRAISE. PRAISE, PRAISE!!!!  Anytime you can catch him doing the right thing, listening to you the first time, being gentle and not giving attitude, etc, etc... make sure you let him know you have noticed and are SO proud of him.  Good luck, Mommy!!!!

MamaTaj
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:33 PM

 :( This makes me sad...my daughter just turned 3 and she acts just like this....now I have nothing to look forward to. Best wishes!

j.Brat
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 4:08 PM

You're not doing anything wrong, it's a phase.

My son does that sometimes too. He gets a little too big for his britches and thinks he runs the show.  He is seeing just how far he can push you and see what he can get away with - that is a natural phase for kids.  He's testing the boundaries.  Just be consistent with whatever form of discipline you have in your home and it will work itself out.

lasvegasblvd
by on Jun. 29, 2010 at 2:47 PM

Watching them grow and become more independent is always something to look forward to.  Don't lose hope.  She will come through it with your love!

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