Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Desperate for advice...

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:08 AM
  • 7 Replies

 So here's my situation; son is 2 1/2, hubby barely does anything, when i ask him to check our son cuz i'm busy (ex: i have to go pee!!) he barely looks at him and most of time, when i come back in charge, i have a mess to clean up or a bobo to soothe...I AM GOING CRAZY. My son, is soooooooo energetic, he never stops. Yesterday we went to the beach; his 2 yrs old cousin went down for a nap, his 8 yrs old cousin too, he didnt want to!! Didn't sleep AT ALL except for on the way back home (where he slept 3/4 of the way, about an hour) and then, he wasn't tired anymore, hubby brought in the pool, get him tired again...he went to bed at 9h45, he ususally goes max 8h30 and guess what time he woke up this morning? 6h30!!!!! I'm freaking out, i can never, ever rest, he barely goes down for his afternoon naps anymore either. And when he's up and running, he's always running away from us and laughing, slapping us, ignoring our demands, etc. I blame it mostly on my mother in law, who babysat him from 6 to 18 months old and occasionally still. She does EVERYTHING HE WANTS, GIVES HIM EVERYTHING HE WANTS, even if it's dangerous for him, like a plastic bag!! like hello?? arrrggg i don't know what to do,  i'm desperate...sometimes i feel like maybe i wasn't cut out to be a mom and it saddens me, breaks my heart...i love my son more than life, don't get me wrong, and i absolutely do Not regret ever having him, but was it made for me?

baby
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:08 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
bhwrn1
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:42 AM

 Aw, momma, being a Mommy is tough work. Can you talk to DH, tell him how you are feeling? That being a Mommy is tough and you ned some support. Also, I think you need to lay down the rules with MIL. I had to do this with my parents and inlaws. After all, this is your child and you have every right to say how things will go even when you are not around.

apotter22
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:50 AM

I so understand what you are going through.  My son is 4 and just getting into that defiant stage.  I feel so bad bc all i feel i am doing is putting him in time out, popping the butt, etc.  i feel you on no naps either.  My ds has not taken a nap in over a year and is a constant ball of energy.  My DH works every other week 7 on/off so every other week I have to do it all alone while he sleeps and goes to work.(12-14 hr shifts) the other week, he does help though though not as much as I would like sometimes. 

The other night I literally started to cry after I put him to bed just so stressed out.  Even then it still takes about one hr to get him to go to bed.  That is why I start putting him down at 8pm .  Just keep doing what you are doing.  I know it is hard esp when the child is pushing and exploring his boundries.  But stick to your guns on it and it will all work out.  The biggest advice I have in this is consistency.  At the begining i was not so consistent with my son.  Not to make excuses I have also been dealing with PTSD and depression so I am just now getting to where I can be consitent with him.    Keep it up.  you sound like a good mother, I think we all have been there at one time or another.

corrinacs
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:57 AM

Hey,

First of all, I want you to realize that you are being a wonderful mom.  If this situation wasn't bothering you, I would think otherwise, but you care about your son a lot.

Second, you really need to have a long conversation with your husband.  The fact that he isn't helping much is appalling.  My husband used to be like that, but when I started breaking down (just like what's happening to you), I started telling my husband exactly how I felt.  I told him that if he wasn't going to help, then I didn't need him around to cause me even more work.  We talked for a really long time and he was able to understand that I can't be wonder woman 100% of the time.  My son is all over the place too, so now he watches him while I do housework, etc.

I would definitely get yourself out of the house for free time.  Do what you want.  Yes, you might come back to a mess, but you will feel somewhat rejuvinated from your outing.  I have to do this from time to time, even now.  It really helps to refill my batteries.

I would also talk to your MIL about her parenting skills.  Just let her know that you don't appreciate her stepping on your toes when it comes to your son.  If you feel your son shouldn't play with plastic bags (which I wouldn't let mine either), just let her know.  The more you talk about it, not being passive about it, the more they should respect how you feel.

I hope this helps and definitately keep us updated!

 

Slieurance
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:03 AM

I am sorry you are feeling this way. 

I don't know if this will work for your son, but I always put my DS down for a nap. Even if he does not sleep he has to stay in his room. He can play but he needs the down time and so do I. Now my DS is still in his crib so I don't worry about him getting into trouble in his room if I want to take a nap or something.

I find that nap time sometimes is just as much for me as it is for him. I have found that if I put him down later than usual he will wake up early for some reason. It drives me crazy.

Hang in there you are doing a good job. hugs

bhwrn1
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:09 AM

 I do this, also. I find that even if my guy rests it is better than nothing at all.

Quoting Slieurance:

I am sorry you are feeling this way. 

I don't know if this will work for your son, but I always put my DS down for a nap. Even if he does not sleep he has to stay in his room. He can play but he needs the down time and so do I. Now my DS is still in his crib so I don't worry about him getting into trouble in his room if I want to take a nap or something.

I find that nap time sometimes is just as much for me as it is for him. I have found that if I put him down later than usual he will wake up early for some reason. It drives me crazy.

Hang in there you are doing a good job. hugs

 

Lilypie

REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE, REPURPOSE...

spinning globerecycling sweetpeaturning into globeplant a treechanging light bulb

Meditate on your own Self. Worship your Self. Respect your Self. God dwells within you as you.”  Swamni "Baba" Muktananda

costello78
by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:15 AM

I laugh when i hear the term " terrible two's" because it should be "terrible two through four" ! just realize that while you are frustrated by his behavior ,it's normal. and it seems like your a mama who cares enough to nip it in the bud. they will make you wanna pull your hair out ! but being consistent will do the trick.  I have a grandmother who loves to indulge negative behavior, and when i feel its getting to negative we take a "break " for a bit until i feel ready for another round.

I think its very common for dad to check out. a few months ago three of my four had the flu, it was coming out both ends, i was gong on four days minimal sleep ,and i found my self on my hands  and knees mopping poo up off the floor, crying and angry cuz my mans policy is " I don't do puke or poo "  sometimes it feels super lonely . like the whole thing falls on your shoulders. but it tends to even out ,and better days are a head!  I look back at when my now twelve year old was two , and i think " wow , how we change " she was very difficult . and now that stubbornness has turned into a positive trait that has served her well in the sometimes cruel waters of middle school.

RobynS
by Robyn on Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:15 AM

Oh, Honey! I think we all feel that way sometimes, but you are doing fine!! I'm sorry it's been so tough. I know what it's like when you feel like you are the only one looking out for your child's safety. And my kids aren't nappers, either. I have just decided that, until they are both in school full time, I just won't get any rest. That's it. That's just the way it's going to be.

Can you afford to hire someone once in a while (maybe a responsible teenager) to come and look after him while you do something relaxing for yourself? Then at least you would get a break for an hour or two.

Good luck!!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)